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motherofRIO

Lost my 3 yr old at 28, lost my mom at 17

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motherofRIO

It all started when i was 13 years old and my mom was diagnosed with cancer and eventually passed away when i was 17. I got into college. Her thoughts used to haunt me. I used to cry whole night. I was never that horrible. I didn’t know how to handle grief but then I could slowly get through the phase with the help of my father. I met someone in college fell in love and got married when i was 24 everything felt good in the starting but then the things didn’t workout out eventually. I got pregnant with my husband hoping that once we start family things fall back into place but then i was wrong as it damaged even more and i had a terrible pregnancy because of my bad marriage. My Rio (Riyansh my baby boy) was born when i was 28 (the best thing that ever happened to me). After which i divorced my husband moved out with my baby to my dad’s house. After all this now my dad was diagnosed with Parkinsons. I was raising my baby all alone and taking care of my dad. Things started getting better again. I started building my life around Rio, stood back again strong as i wanted Rio to see me as a strong mom. And one day when Rio was 3 yr 8 months old he died. Why did he die? How did he die? The doctors don’t know which strange virus killed him  leading to multiple organ failure in a couple of hours. And my whole world is shattered. Why this? Everytime something happened i again stood back but this is something i never imagined I would have to face. Im unable to figure how to actually accept or deal with it. People say its ok. No it is not ok. I live in a typical Indian society where they ask me to only get married again and have kids ur pain will be gone. How is that a solution i wonder? i tried searching for self help groups in india for grieving but there are none. I don’t want to live. The silence around me is horrible. My kid was very talkative and veryy veryy mature for his age to a level where he used to emotional talk with me at his age and veryyyyyy intelligent to his age that he knew all about The ssolar system and space that he wanted to become an astronaut when he grew up. I haven’t seen a 3 year old knowing so much about the solar system. Everyone use to drop their jaws when he used to talk about it. Now it’s all gone. I’m missing his smell, his voice, his touch, his hug. Nothing can compensate those ever. How do i get over this? Can i even get over? I’m scared all the time. I don’t know what’s scaring me but I always have this weird feeling in my stomach. It is suffocating all the time. I getting up scared from my sleep. I’m hallucinating his presence all the time. Im hearing his voices as if he is calling me. It’s been 20 days already and the time and days are passing by which i don’t wanna happen. How do i deal with this? How? I wanted to talk to you people who understands my pain.

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Edited by motherofRIO
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Gail 8588

Mother of Rio,

I am so sorry for your loss. Your son is beautiful!  You look so happy together. My heart breaks for you.

It is so unfair that his life is over.  There is no way to understand why this happened.  Just try to keep breathing, try to eat and take care of yourself.  

Sending you love and strength that you can endure this most terrible loss.

Peace,

Gail

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Gail 8588

Mother of Rio, 

I am very sorry for your loss.  I have never lost a child, so I have not experienced that terrible type of grief.  

I am on this grieving site because I lost my husband of 38 years in March of 2017.  I still feel very numb much of the time as I have not really figured out how to live without my husband. I now realize I was very dependent on him for my emotional wellbeing. 

The one thing in my life that has brought me some connection to the world, is time I have been able to spend with my only grandchild.  He is the only light in my life right now.  The spark that makes this world tolerable.  I feel with time, I will again experience joy in my life, brought to me by this wonderful little boy.   

Perhaps it is this relationship I have with my grandson that caused me to reach out to you.  Your son is so beautiful and you look so happy together.  My heart breaks for your loss.

Sending you strength to get through another day. 

Gail

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Changed

Mother of Rio,   I am so sorry for you - you must be in absolute agony over the loss of you beautiful son.

i am a grieving mum for my son , David,  but he was not a child when he died , he was grown with a son of his own.    The terrible feelings that you describe are , sadly,  something that we both share but I think that your son’s dependence on you and your role as a mum to a three year old must cause you even more torture in living with this grief.

I have joined the group here for the loss of an adult child but I know of other mums who have lost a young child also post there .  You are welcome to join us  - it is the link above , on the left -mom of Justin - tap on the last page number.  

I don't think there is anything that I can say that will make anything better for you but I do send you my kindest thoughts  .

Roz 

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mydeepestthoughts

Dear motherofRIO

So sorry to hear about the loss of your Beautiful little boy. Dealing with death is so emotionally consuming, and mixing that with the lost of your mother, your father’s illness, and divorce doesn't make it any easier. I feel so much for you, such trauma and suffering.
When these things happen, we need people to be able to understand our feelings, and a creator that provides hope for our future.
That is the key ingredient to dealing with such pain.. Hope.
So the question is “What should we hope for, and in whom?

Psalms 27:14
Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD

Yes hoping in God is the key.
Please take a moment to read the attached brochure, and see  what hope you can have for the future, and how that hope will bring you happiness today.


https://www.jw.org/en/library/books/dead-live-again-tract/dead-live-again/

 

My Condolences 

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Gail 8588

Mother of Rio,

As Changed said, apparently most all of the parents post their thoughts and comments on the one big topic "loss of an adult child", even if their child was young.  You may want to scroll through some pages and read the posts of other parents.  It may sound strange, but there is comfort in hearing what others are experiencing, as often you will find they are also telling your own story in part.  It helps to know others have these difficulties too and are finding a way to go on.  Each day is so difficult.  The loss of an adult child has over 2600 pages of posting, with the earliest postings on page 1.  You may want to jump to the last page, by either tapping the number, or the double arrows, which will take you to the most current page.  If you then tap "previous" several times, you can read posts that are recently posted.  I hope you will find some comfort here. 

Cling to your father for support.  Having lost his wife, and now his grandson, he has some experience with deep grief.

My best wishes are with you on this long journey ahead. 

Peace

Gail

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Neer

I lost my Mother at 73 yrs age in Dec 17 and father at 62 yrs age in Oct 2000.  I am weeping always for my Mother.  I am from India,  uttar pradesh,  Lucknow.  I normalky see the loss of parents section but first time i saw the loss of child section and first post was your.  I have immence guilt regarding death of my Mother and feel that had i got better medical care she must bealive.  Your son is beautiful. I am married with 2children but can feel your pain.  Keepfaithi  God.  How is your father. You can mail at n.s1111@gmail.com or whatsapp 9919588861.  

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