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jess kelly

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On the 14th it will be 6 months since I lost my mom. I just need guidance. I’m 20 years old, lost her to chronic alcoholism, so it wasn’t a complete surprise but it was still a shock, I didn’t see her but I was outside the door when my dad found her. Because of her addiction, we were never best friends but she was my mom and she was great when I was a kid and she loved me so much and I loved her. It’s a situation you don’t see a lot and I just don’t know how to feel. My therapist isn’t even sure how I should feel. I am 20 years old in college and I need to keep pushing. She had no life insurance and my dad is getting older and is tired and depressed and he can only work so hard. I have to graduate. I have to pay rent. I have to look out for my friends who are my second family. I have to hold down a job. I thought I had it all together but I’m realizing...it’s only been 6 months...I haven’t even taken time to fully grieve...how do you grieve at 20 years old? This the age where I’m supposed to buckle down and find myself I literally don’t know what to do. Any advice would help.

 

Sorry to add more, I just think about it and I realize how many distractions I’ve thrown at myself. I’ve moved twice since July because of leasing issues. I’m taking 30 credits of difficult classes. I haven’t talked to anyone about it besides my therapist who I’ve only seen about 4 times now. I don’t want to stop working hard, I want to know that in the future I won’t be living at my dads house, I just don’t know how to deal with something like this. I don’t want it to keep building up. 

I just had to rant, I’m not sure how to make sense of any of this.

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Hi jess kelly, I just want you to know that I read your post.

Sorry for your loss. I imagine it's really tough, especially at your age. Yes you are right, it takes time and time alone only helps to somewhat numb and null the pain bit by bit. Take things slowly, by the day and try to find opportunities for part-time work or try to look for social help with monetary/financial issues. Otherwise try crowdfunding if it's an option.

Part-time work can be gigs, esp if u have skills like designing, emcee-ing, programming, or selling stuff. Try to sell some art/craft or your old stuff. Try to seek help for your dad if possible as well.

When you talk to your therapist do you tell him/her about your problems? Ask if there's other services she can refer you to. Like perhaps psychological help (doctor).

You need to keep moving and live your life, make your parents proud by living your life. We all feel sad once in a while but try not to dwell on it. Start a simple hobby like growing plants, or collecting things........ going for runs, walks or keeping a blog/youtube channel that you can try to monetize

Keep on ranting here, we may not reply to all posts but will certainly read... take care and feel free to update this thread

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Hi,

I had trouble with wondering how to feel too. The crappy answer is grief is different for everyone and there really is no timeline and no set process. You feel how you feel (and I imagine you feel pretty shitty because that's normal). The therapist I may seeing has helped me a lot - keep going to yours.

If distraction is helping right now, then that's fine. But make sure to also take time and be with yourself and your grief. Try to give yourself the things you probably want from your mom - love, patience, care, understanding, safety. It's hard to learn how to do that, but it helps us grow up when we do.

Good luck.

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