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Just found out my ex boyfriend died


AliceKingsleigh

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AliceKingsleigh

It seems crazy to be so heartbroken over someone I haven’t spoken to in over 20 years. We met when I was still in college, we were together for 3 years, we lived together, and spoke of marriage. I wound up breaking his heart and leaving him for someone else. Years later I met my true love and I’m happily married, but for some reason I think about my college boyfriend often. He was a sweetheart, kind, generous, funny, handsome, but just not the one for me, although to this day I can’t really put my finger on why not. I just found out that my college sweetheart died, and not recently but 7 years ago, from an overdose, after having struggled with addiction for years. He wasn’t addicted to anything when we were together, we both liked to go out and party but we were young and it was never an every day thing. It seems like he never married and doesn’t look like he had a girlfriend from what I could tell. I feel like a jerk for breaking his heart. I feel like there’s this huge empty void that I can’t ever fill but he wasn’t in my life for so long that I can’t understand how it’s possible to have that void. I can’t believe how many times in the past 7 years I’ve thought of something clever he said or a joke he used to make, and he’s been gone this whole time without me knowing it. My husband is being super supportive but I also feel like a jerk for crying about an ex to my hubby. I’m so confused, and sad.

 

 

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Could it be that you had unfinished business with him?  Having broken his heart, you might have felt that guilt over the years and shoved it aside.  Maybe try writing him a letter telling him how you feel.  There is a reason you left him, and that reason was valid, even if you can't put your finger on it.  As you said, he wasn't "your person" and you've met and married the one who is.  

Sometimes someone is in our life for a reason and then when that reason is done, our lives naturally evolve.  It's okay.  He alone is responsible for what he did with his life, for what he made of it or didn't.  Perhaps he put too much on you and it made you feel strangled or claustrophobic...we all have to be responsible for our own happiness and can't put it on someone else to fulfill.  If he chose drugs or didn't ever find that right relationship, that's only his to own, not yours, so I hope you don't feel responsible for that.  

Enjoy your husband while you can...you deserve that, so does he.  Wishing you well...

 

I too have that "one that got away", I was in love with him in my youth...after my husband's death, a doctor referred me to an Orthotist, it was him.  We reconnected as superficial friends, but with time I felt that chapter needed closed, he just wasn't right for me, not even as a friend.  I've let him go, as it needed to be.

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AliceKingsleigh


Thank you, KayC. I will definitely write him a letter, that’s a great idea.

I have been hugging my husband like crazy since this happened (even more than usual), and I’m even more anxious about the thought of losing him one day after reading all the heartbreaking posts in this category. My husband’s father and grandfather died young and my husband is not the best at taking care of his health, I keep reminding him of how his mother cries every day for the past decade since they lost his dad, and how devastated I would be to find myself in her shoes.

I’m pretty much just hugging everyone in my life right now, either in person or virtually, and reminding everyone that if they need help, to please reach out to someone before it’s too late.


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