Afraid of dying and leaving behind my small children

[V S Miller]

All,

I don't know quite how to frame my situation.  Let me start by saying I have 4 children ages 24, 17, 9, and 1. The 17, 9 and 1 year old are in the house with my husband and I. For the past year, something has been happening to me that is causing me to quickly deteriorate. I have tried a variety of treatments and non of them work.  I cannot sleep because the pain is so severe. The onset of pain comes on while I am sitting at my desk at work and while I am at home, mainly trying to sleep. The biggest thing is I worry about my family.  My husband can't take anymore of my breakdowns that I am having from the because I can not tolerate the pain.  He stated he would kill himself if I had another breakdown.  This concerns me because I am afraid for our minor children we have in our household.  I am trying to hold things together but the pain is so severe.  I don't know what to do or which direction to turn.  I feel as if I should just deal with the pain and let the stages of dementia progress.  Either way, my children will loose a parent.  The hardest part about the whole situation is the progression to dementia is completely preventable, I am just being refused treatment by all but one doctor.