I lost my fiancé..

[Ximena]

I lost my fiancé one month ago, it feels like it happened yesterday, time seems like it just stopped. We went on vacations to Europe got engaged, we had so many plans and after a week he died. I still feel like this is a nightmare and that I will wake up soon, but that doesn’t happen yet. I feel my life is falling apart and I don’t feel like living anymore, I don’t know how without him. 

[Billie Rae]

I lost my fiancé one month ago, it feels like it happened yesterday, time seems like it just stopped. We went on vacations to Europe got engaged, we had so many plans and after a week he died. I still feel like this is a nightmare and that I will wake up soon, but that doesn’t happen yet. I feel my life is falling apart and I don’t feel like living anymore, I don’t know how without him. 

I'm glad you found this forum,there are many broken hearts here.
I'm so very sorry for your loss.
I lost my husband of 10 years January 16 of pancreatic cancer.I remember the one month,we had a record breaking snow for 3 solid weeks and I was trapped in our house with only a woodstove for heat.
Way to much time to think.
The grief does dull some with time,but there will be waves,some days you can function,some you can't.
Take it hour by hour and minute by minute.
Don't let anyone tell you how to grieve,this belongs to you and we all do it different.
Cry,scream,sob do what you need.
We are here for you,no judgement,just a lot of caring people going through this horror together.
A huge hug to you.

Sent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app

[Ximena]

Thank you Billie for your advice and support. I feel so alone in this that I feel I can’t keep going. 

[KayC]

Ximena,

I am so sorry...you are grieving the loss of him, the loss of your dreams and future that you had planned, it is hard.  My husband and I met in our mid-40s and he was barely 51 when he suddenly died, I was blindsided.  It felt like we had just put our lives together and here it was being taken apart!  It's the hardest thing I've ever been through.  That was over 14 years ago, then 3 weeks ago I had to have my dog euthanized, cancer.  I felt heartbroken just like I did with my husband, the pain is incredible!  He was my sole companion for 10 1/2 years and perfect for me.  

I wonder if I'm destined to always be alone and lonely.  I'm tired of this...not in a very positive frame of mind right now.  We've had terrible storms the past couple of days and I realized this is the first time I've been through one all alone with no one, no dog, it feels very different.

Knowing I survived the death of my husband, I realize with my head I will survive this too, but with my heart it doesn't feel that way.  We have to experience the pain, it's part of the processing our grief, no way around it.  But it hurts so much!  I've been through all kinds of loss in my life but these two have been my worst.

I want you to know we're here, listening, we care, we want to be here for you as you go through this.  The intensity of pain lessens in time, but I can't say how long it will take, we're all on a different timeline...and it's not time alone that heals us, but what we do with it.  There's much we can do to help ourselves through this.

I want to share this article I wrote with you and hope something in it will be of help to you.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

• Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
• Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
• Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
• Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255
• Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
• Try not to isolate too much.  
• There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
• Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
• Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
• In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
• Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
• Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
• Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
• Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
• Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
• Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
• Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.