Working Through

[TAM1]

This Saturday is 2 1/2 years since Len passed and early this month I was remembering my Missy's (Golden retriever) passing.  And I'm being honest with myself that it's not that long of a time period so this deep and intense sadness is all part of the "normal" of my life now and it's a  matter of working through this time. It's tough though and painful and its a depth only a person who is "here" can know. The missing is still strong because there was so much lost and so much change during a brief period of time. So much handling of matters in the beginning through the first year that there really was no time to grieve initially, so much as be cautious and fearful in handling his estate properly while his children vindictively hammered away with their attorney (I understand they had to deal with their grief, anger and disappointment in some way, but, come on!), being protective of myself and Missy as our lives changed. When Len was gone, Missy gave me such immense purpose and I loved her so much - always will. It's her photo that is displayed in my front room and I do not believe that will change because much of what has been built and driven into me is permanent. I'm so very fortunate and blessed to have had her the 9 years that I did and I'll never forget that cross-country drive we did - it still sits in my heart and soul as a prime time.

For some reason, since Missy died, I have slept in the living room and I do even at my new home - but then, it gives me a perfect view of the outside and besides, the bedroom here is odd, as it echoes so its purpose is to be my dressing room and perhaps a place for extra things. My son ranted at me (he tends to rant!) about not buying a bed and after telling him the bed I had was the one Len bled out on and that I decided to get rid of it, he stepped back, for the first time knowing that he had gone too far.

Another striking thing is that during this time I've aged - damn!  The depth of grief one feels, the crying that dries us out, and so much else just takes its toll. One can drink all the water in the world (people tend to give us advice about everything, including "keeping hydrated"), but that's another thing to remember.

What is so wonderful and chief about this group is that one can come here at any time, in whatever stage, and have listening hearts and ears. Sometimes that's all we need as we work through.

God bless!

[KayC]

I can relate to everything you share, even though it's been much longer for me since I lost my husband.  I have been heavily grieving my Arlie and my sister asked a dumb question, if I miss him more than George!  I told her she's comparing apples to oranges, I've had 14 years to adjust to my former loss but this one is fresh, you really can't compare losses, each one is valid and unique.  I share with you your love for Golden Retrievers, I also love Siberian Huskies and as Arlie was both, I felt I had the best of both worlds!  I appreciate your fond memories with Missy, and by the way, I love her name!

[Gail 8588]

When my husband died, we had a beagle that was 11 years old.  Beagles generally live about 10 or 12 years.  Boomer is still with me and will be 14 years old in 2 weeks.   I am so grateful that he has stayed with me after John's death.  I know Boomer will not live forever, he is totally deaf, partially blind, takes various medications daily for this and that,  but he has been a wonderful companion for me during this time of grief and transition.   I am not certain I would have survived without him.   It would have been the straw that broke the camel's back. 

Gail 

[KayC]

Gail,

I lost the dog that George and I had, Lucky, in 2008.  A few months later I adopted Arlie...he was my "dog of a lifetime", the one that was the perfect fit for me and my sole companion these past 10 1/2 years.  I pray it's a long while before you have to go through this.  They can be a tremendous support to those of us going through life alone.