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olavwh

10 Months Later, Body Still Hurts, How to Cope?

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olavwh

Hi, I lost my grandfather who was like a father to me 10 months ago, my choice of degree, hobbies and interests are all a result of spending time with him. I was never sick before and I was a very happy person. After he got sick and died I`m exhausted all the time, most of the time a have a very low mood, my body hurts constantly(especially shoulders, chest and head), I always wake up in the middle of the night, very sensitive to noises and sudden movements and my memory and concentration is really bad. I do go to lectures and seminars in university but last semester I postponed some of my exams because I felt so terrible and knew I would not preform anywhere near how I usually preform. At that time I slept 3,5 hours each night. Now I`m starting a new semester and I still do not feel like myself although I sleep better and concentrate better. I do go to grief groups and therapy but all they say is that I have to be patient. I`m very worried about how long it will take to get my mind and my body back, it`s so frustrating to drag yourself through the days still 10 months later and preforming bad. It`s depressing enough that he is dead, but not being able to preform and being depressed and worried all the time makes to so much worse. I run 6-10km every day to try to feel better and sleep better and I make sure to eat healthy and have good sleep hygiene, but I`m still in so much pain no matter what I do or where I am. I`m not social at all and only hang out with my girlfriend and family mostly. I just don`t feel like being social that much when I`m always exhausted and down, I don`t want to drag others down you know.

Any suggestions? Did anyone else feel this bad at the 10 month mark? It does not feel natural although people tell me it is, feels like loosing your mind.

 

Thanks:)

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Nicole-my grief journey

Olavwh,

Yes. I’ve found that acupuncture really helps me. I always feel extremely tired and emotional after the first session because all that pent up pain, tension and grief I’m holding starts to release. By the third session I am peaceful and then by the sixth my physical pain is gone for a while. I go in six week increments. Most people go to one session, say it doesn’t help and give up on it. That’s bot the way to do it. I tell them make the commitment and they will definitely have a change. A lot of people say they are scared of the needles. I was too, but the woman I go to uses smaller ones and I feel them the first session, but after that, I barely even notice her putting them in place. It sounds like you have a great regimen, but no actual muscle release to help your body stop holding the memories that are inside. The gut is also a separate brain in your body and a lot of memory is help there. I’m not a pro on that, but it’s worth reading about. I know the feeling of not wanting to hold others down and not really being social. I’ve worked hard to raise my serotonin and it has changed so much for me. It helped me be able to get moving, have less anxiety, go to the grocery store and then actually be able to eat. Cognitions Behavioral Therapy has helped with my worry, helped me learn coping and also give me a space to speak freely. It’s an every day struggle and I’m a work in progress, but I feel I’m moving in a direction where I want to be part of the world again and I’m adapting to my new normal. Grief is a long journey as you now know and it all takes time. Hoping the best for you. Let us know how it’s going and please continue to share. I’m sad for your loss. He sounds like a great man who gave you a lot of quality time and truly invested in you and your future. It makes complete sense that it would affect you in the way that it is. Grief is exhausting. Hugs friend.

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olavwh

Thank you for your reply. It is so hard to go through the days. And the worst part is that there is no escape. The fatigue, pain and stress/worry of grief follows me everywhere, even in bed. I am new to loss, so this has been really difficult for me as there are so many physical and mental symptoms coming from grief that I have never felt before. It truly is suffering. I was so so happy before he got cancer and I wanted to live forever. Now each day is a struggle, even 10 months in. It has gotten better in some ways, but the suffering in the worst times was so terrible that there are many levels to go down from that before I feel good again. I hope you are doing better, there are so many people suffering from grief out there. 

Olav

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OTMA1918
Thank you for your reply. It is so hard to go through the days. And the worst part is that there is no escape. The fatigue, pain and stress/worry of grief follows me everywhere, even in bed. I am new to loss, so this has been really difficult for me as there are so many physical and mental symptoms coming from grief that I have never felt before. It truly is suffering. I was so so happy before he got cancer and I wanted to live forever. Now each day is a struggle, even 10 months in. It has gotten better in some ways, but the suffering in the worst times was so terrible that there are many levels to go down from that before I feel good again. I hope you are doing better, there are so many people suffering from grief out there. 
Olav


I feel that bad now, but it’s been a day. I could not imagine feeling so bad 10 months later :(.


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