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Dad died in front of me. I can't accept it.


GrievingDaughter19

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GrievingDaughter19

Hi. New to this site. I don't even know why I'm posting but I feel like I just need to get everything off my chest. 

My dad died suddenly in May. I still don't know the cause of death but we think it was a brain annurism. Paramedics spent ages trying to bring him back to life on the concrete of my back garden while I watched on in horror. I went numb and into robot mode

 Cooking every day. Minding my mom. Organising funeral. Kept very busy and minded everyone. 

 

3 months on I am back to work and unbelievably sad and lonely. I cannot concentrate and I am falling behind on deadlines. I just don't care at all. 

 

I have an amazing partner who has helped throughout. But I am scared I will push him away because I have become so clingy, needy and insecure. He definitely needs space from me at this stage so I will try very hard to give it. I have always been independent and never been like this. I absolutely hate how I am acting and feeling. 

 

I cry several times a day and I have a bleek outlook on life. I was always extremely positive. 

 

 

Will I ever feel better? Or is this life now? 

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Dear GrievingDaughter,

I am very sorry for your loss. It is devastating to lose your father. And traumatic because you witnessed the paramedics working on him. Please don't be hard on yourself because no of us will ever be ready for this life changing moment. It is raw and painful. I think the first year is the hardest and its a terrible cliché but it does take time to mourn and grieve. Please know there is no right way or wrong way and different things work for different people.

If you want to maybe consider talking to a counselor or joining a support group through church or the community. I also found these websites helpful in understanding my grief.

What's Your Grief

Grief in Common

Grief Healing Blog

Thinking of you.

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