Why do you look away

[Billie Rae]

When you ask how I am and I say sad and lonely why do you look away?

One kind word one touch on my hand

One ask of would you like to talk?

Or just ask"tell me about your love"

But you looked at the ground and turned away,uncomfortable I'm sure

But in my hardest time I felt alone

Like my heart doesn't matter

As if I'm invisible in my grief

You could not get over your discomfort to open your heart to make someone feel less alone

You expect me to hide my pain for your comfort.

If you really don't want to know

Please stop asking.

If you can't comfort me the way I comforted you and others

If you can't show compassion

Please don't even stop.

 

To the people who I thought cared

And showed their true colors and what's really in their fake heart

 

Sent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app

 

 

[JoyR]

Billie Rae you know everyone truly cares and feel your pain. What's going on? As you know it's so many on here going through these "rollercoaster" emotions. Sometimes it may be hard for others to respond because they don't know what to say and maybe seeing and listening (feeling) is best. Especially when we know the feeling firsthand. 

I do find it comforting when someone replies and shows concern.  Sometimes I don't even care I just vent. I see everything you're going thru.

For myself, I get even more emotional seeing others hurt and I end up wanting to say something positive but I'm in a negative state of mind. Seems hypocritical. Better I be real then fake when I'm like that. 

Anyway how are you doing? How are you feeling?

Today I had a strange experience. Heard a high frequency sound in my ears . Then found a white feather. Just another crazy moment for me. I'm always superstitious about everything hoping it's a sign.

Maybe the the person you're speaking of doesn't know how to express or the loss is handled differently. It sucks when you don't have someone to talk about to when needed. Some people are so disconnected. Self-absorbed to even realize how it's making you feel. Hopefully telling us offers some form of comfort.

[Will Always Be Bill's Wife]

On 7/28/2019 at 8:18 PM, JoyR said:

Thank you will pray harder. Twice a week on Mondays and Wednesdays my stress rises. 

Mondays- he would wait at my job from 3am to 7am since I worked graveyard shift.

Wednesday- even though he passed on July 3 a Wednesday night. I keep associating every Wednesday since as a day of the week he's past and it becomes a constant reminder of it. 

I know it will take time for me to get out this faze but I truly can't help myself. I unsubconsciously  have meltdowns or high emotions theses days. Every other day I notice im able to cope better. 

 

Hugs Joy, I too have found my worst days, connected to the day my husband died-on a Friday....approx 115pm.  It's been nearly three months and no matter what I'm doing, every Friday, my eyes watch the clock at 110pm, he was laughing with friends, 115pm he collapsed n died the first time in my arms, 200pm, EMS is trying shock to bring him back as we speed to the hospital....I forget the words to "Our Father" and instead say Hail Marys all the way.  4pm, I get his wedding band and tell my aunt to make sure if the time comes that I have to make a decision to continue drs efforts or DNR, that I make the right decision.   734pm I give the DNR order.  I could go on and on...minute by minute...slow motion.   I remember exactly damn near every minute.  And it hurts terribly every time..,and I get angry at myself if I miss the clock- carrying a ton of guilt still.   

You said you don't know whether to see a therapist or psychiatrist.  Please do both.  Seek out a therapist who is certified in grief counseling.   They won't put words in your mouth....they let you talk and try to show you how to be in the present (mindfulness/cognitive therapies)which are easier on your emotions.  A psychiatrist can help by providing temporary medical help, i.e. medications to allow you to have some relief of the constant anxiety.  I understand the stigma of seeing a "shrink".   If you want help finding the right therapist, please let me know, perhaps I can help you.  Did a lot of research before I chose mine.  God Bless you...

[KayC]

10 hours ago, Billie Rae said:

If you can't comfort me the way I comforted you and others

If you can't show compassion

Please don't even stop.

Billie Rae, thank you for this poem.  I went to my son's this weekend.  He was showing me a video on his phone when a text showed up from his wife "When is she leaving?" she blew up his phone.  He tried to hide it from me but couldn't be quick enough, over and over she sent the texts.  I think I'll leave this morning, no sense staying for church, it doesn't feel right when you know you're not wanted.  It's how it is.  Now I have to go home and face the emptiness.  And a mad cat.  She won't likely even miss Arlie.  It just all feels so weird.

I relate to your poem.  My son is caring but my DIL...no.  She never even offered condolences. She's never said anything good about Arlie.  I want away from her.

[Mulelady]

KayC : I feel for your weekend visit w/ son.  How painful for you.  I have two sons....but the oldest only began speaking to me about 5 years ago after nothing for 20 ( not even invited to wedding ) .  He and his wife have been a godsend past 4 months.....but not as much as I'd need and love.  They are both insanely busy w/ work & travel.  I don't know if it's them or me....but very little is said about my husband or grief....they mostly help with maintenance needs ( had stopped up gutters and snakes ! ).  I feel like the subject makes them uncomfortable.  My younger son....stopped speaking after his marriage 13 years ago ....never met his two children...never got to cuddle my only grand children.  No I didn't cause anything. The best I can determine from her mother's behavior at the wedding....the entire family wanted total control of their life, holidays, etc....and my son bought in.  He never even sent a card or called when Winston passed . I don't know how he lives with himself. Winston helped me though all those years of pain over my family dysfunction and loss of sons.....and now my rock is gone. I'm doing my best to nurture my relationship with my older son....but after losing 20 years and their insane life schedule....it's a bit limited.  I'm struggling to find a reason to keep going. 

[KayC]

I get it.  My daughter has very little to do with both sides of the family, and it hurts.  I texted her about Arlie's euthanasia a week ago and she said she'd call...she never did.  At least I have a son who is there for me in the hardest of times.  Mostly I'm on my own though.

[ccoflove]

Im sorry Billie Rae that people arent there supporting you or I should say us. Ive been disappointed a lot by others too. My brother hasnt called once since the memorial service in December. No one gets how painful it is unless theyve been through it. I've learned people like to say they are there to help but its just lip service to feel like they are being helpful but they are empty words bc they just dont show up. A broken promise feels worse than no promise made. It adds to the hurt. 

Also sorry Kay C your DIL wants to push you away and not acknowledge Arlie's passing. You have been such a pillar in this community and deserve better. Sorry you lost your faithful companion who helped you through the years of loss. 

I dont understand all the suffering, wish the world was a more loving place for us all.

[Billie Rae]

@All
Thank you.The person I'm so so hurt by was Charlie's best friend,he promised to take half of the ashes to Charlie's home town for a memorial and told me he would always be here for me and he has only called 1 time for 32 seconds and not a word about Charlie.
The second person is his daughter,I gave her our house and after paying bills and taxes she will have 65 thousand dollars and before the sale she called and texted every day after the sale that she didn't tell me about,Zillow alerted me she doesn't even respond to my hi honey texts even though she knows I don't want any of the money.
I texted her about my trip without him and 2 days later she texted back just"sorry".
All my connections to him have abandoned me.Its as if they all erased him and in the process me.And no one has kept the promises they made to him in his final days,just words spoken with no honor behind them.Where is the compassion or honor?
And it's not like I cry or am sad around them when they were talking to me,just the opposite,I laughed over some Charlie stories and remembered what an amazing craftsman he was
And still they threw us away.
Love you all Billie

Sent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app

[foreverhis]

7 hours ago, KayC said:

 I went to my son's this weekend.  He was showing me a video on his phone when a text showed up from his wife "When is she leaving?" she blew up his phone.  He tried to hide it from me but couldn't be quick enough, over and over she sent the texts.

Oh, Kay.  You've talked about what a cold, uncaring person your DIL is to you.  The names I want to call her are not fit for even semi-polite company, so I'll keep them in my mind.  Consider them directed at her.

Billie Rae's poem is deeply meaningful for all of us on one level or another.  For you right now, I suspect it encapsulates how you are feeling because of your DIL's and other family members' behavior and attitudes.

I'm sorry you have to deal with that on top of your grief for Arlie, which no doubt is compounding your grief for George.

I'm sending you big warm, comforting hugs.

[foreverhis]

6 hours ago, Billie Rae said:

All my connections to him have abandoned me.Its as if they all erased him and in the process me.

Billie Rae, I'm so sorry you have been let down by so many people.  I know you know this, but I'm going to say it anyway:  It's not you, it's them.  Sometimes I can't help but wonder WTF is wrong with them?  It makes me so angry because it's not just individuals, it's our entire society.  We suck at understanding death and grieving.  We aren't taught from a young age how to be compassionate (well, many of us are, but we're not the problem).  We don't want to admit we're all mortal humans or that death and grieving will touch us deeply at some point, no matter how hard we try to bury our hearts and minds.  We don't know what to say, so we turn away and say nothing at all.  I am certain that at some point in my life when I was younger I was guilty of saying something truly stupid to someone I cared about who was grieving.

It's a huge truth that we really can't understand deep, lasting grief until it is our own loss.  But that's no excuse for people to ignore, to turn away, and to not live up to promises.  I learned at a young age to never make promises unless I was damn certain I not only could, but would keep them.  That happened because I made a promise to my baby sister and didn't keep it.  I didn't think it was a big deal (and it certainly wasn't life altering), but she was a child and it hurt her deeply.  Of course I apologized, but the sting of my failure lingered for both of us for a while.

I realize I'm luckier than most in that I have a small circle of family and friends.  The truth is that I have been something of a hermit and owe some of them more contact lately.  I've been drifting through the days feeling unable to reach out.

I'm glad you wrote your feelings into a poem.  It can really help to express them that way.  I reminds me a little of our daughter's anger over how people react when they ask "How are you?" and she tells them the truth, rather than the societal-approved "I'm fine."  If you don't actually want to know how I am, then just don't ask.

[Rhonda R]

Billie Rae - I am so sorry, that is just terrible.  I have had a similar experience with many of my husbands close friends and I feel very betrayed, so understand what you are feeling.  It hurts, it's not fair and why?  This is one of the parts about grief that is so hurtful.  It's a catch 22, you don't want to look like you really feel so people avoid you all together and if you look like you are handling it they all just go back to their lives and feel like their job is done. 

It makes you question the relationship and it's value from the very start.  I'm so sorry you have been hurt like this.  You deserved so much more.  In divorce and death, you find out who your real friends are and it can be very disheartening.  We are here for you and any time you want to tell me about your love, I would love to hear about him. 

[Billie Rae]

Thank you all.I don't understand how people can say I love you and then disappear,when I say it it means I'm here for you to share my heart with you no matter what even if it's a friendship I love you.To me Its a bond and a promise to be in your life no matter what.
I have stepped way out of my comfort zone to help and show compassion.
I know death makes others uncomfortable but the only way to learn and help is stay with it.
Ah well,soon I will get a new client,but can't until December for tax reasons,but maybe working weekends will help.
I love you all
Billie

Sent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app

[KayC]

Billie Rae,

My head hasn't been working right lately and I know I haven't made sense some of the time, sometimes I've caught myself doing really stupid things but it's stress and what I've been going through with Arlie...knowing your beloved dog is dying and not being able to fix it is truly horrible.  But I'm afraid I haven't given good enough response to people lately, my brain just hasn't been functioning...it's not that I don;t care, it's just it isn't working right.

Hearing your heart, it reminds me of what I went through oh so long ago...the worst time of my life and all my friends ditched me, literally.  Your stepdaughter isn't deserving.  Can it be that people are truly this clueless?  We had some "couple" friends and they totally were not there for me when George died.  I think that played a huge role in my brief remarriage to someone who turned out to be a con...sometimes I have a hard time believing I was that stupid, to fall for his lies, he never lived with me, was just there to take what he could, use my credit..all these years later I'm still paying.  And I know the only reason I fell for it was I was desperate for someone to care, to listen, to be there, when all others had run away...and my brain wasn't working right when I was so steeped in grief.  Yeah, now I have clarity, I can see my mistakes, but at the time, I was in a fog.  Oh how I shudder to see people get into a relationship so early on because I worry what can happen.  Some luck out...I did not.  Do I blame all those "friend" that disappeared?  Somewhat.  Yeah, I made the dumb decision but they set the stage for my empty desperation at a time when I was most vulnerable.  Oh how I hate those who take advantage of the vulnerable in their grief!  There's a hot bed in hell for people like that.. Yet even though he took advantage of me, I've tried to take the high road, what else can we do?!  

[Billie Rae]

Oh Kayc,love,I don't expect you to have the frame of mind to help right now,you give so much.
I'm so sad about Arlie we love them like kids.
I'm just lonely and sad that they have let us down.Charlie as well they didn't keep death week promises.
I see how we can fall into things,I've had a man persuing me since July and he means no harm but asked me to have a relationship,he is good company but not what I want.
It was easy to have him visit and talk but as soon as he told someone I was"his girl"I asked him to not contact me anymore.
This being alone after being a family for so long is a sad place to be.
Sunday I made a point to walk and speak to people and go to our small farmers market and connect with the vendors.
Still I eat alone watch football alone shop alone.
My phone doesn't ring for days on end and I'm such a social person.
I love you

Sent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app

[foreverhis]

4 hours ago, KayC said:

But I'm afraid I haven't given good enough response to people lately, my brain just hasn't been functioning...it's not that I don;t care, it's just it isn't working right.

Kay, please I beg you do not beat yourself up.  You are always "good enough" for all of us here.  Yes, I think I can speak for others in this regard.  I haven't found your responses to be anything but caring and loving, even as you have been living with the second worst loss of your life.

Won't you please let us be here for you right now?  Let us comfort and care about you as you try to cope with just getting out of bed one day at a time.  My heart hurts for you so much right now.  It hurts for all of us who know the depths of grief and loss, and the betrayals that seem to so often come with it.

I'm sending you and Billie Rae both big warm hugs again today and every day.

[KayC]

Billie Rae,

This is something we go through alone...whether the phone rings or not, whether people walk with us or not...it is ours alone to carry, to bear.  I'm glad you are wise enough to know that another person can be a distraction but your heart is still all Charlie's...that doesn't mean you can't share it with someone else someday, but you recognize that right now is not the when.

foreverhis,

Thank you...we're all here for each other.  This place is the one place I can pour out my soul and know it is heard...and accepted.  We all journey together.

[JoyR]

On 8/18/2019 at 8:38 AM, KayC said:

relate to your poem.  My son is caring but my DIL...no.  She never even offered condolences. She's never said anything good about Arlie.  I want away from her.

Here I am not realizing Billie quoted a poem. I feel so stupid. Lol. 

I'm also relieved this was a poem and understand better. 

@Billie Rae I thought you were having a meltdown. I see you can also relate to my associating every Monday/Wednesday with traumatic times. For you it's even worse that knowing the exact time of things occuring would be a daily reminder. I get it. I've been better recently and I guess too busy to notice or pay attention to the days anymore. I have narrowed it down to just the date and his time was 11:53pm. Highly possible I'll get emotional each month around the day and time. It's no longer every week. 

@KayC im sure your cat misses Arlie too. Cats are more solitary but it's possible he knows how you felt about Arlie. Just try and give him the extra love and cuddles. I think it'll make him more open to you. When Arlie was there, he was like the head of the house. But I hope you're feeling better today.

[Moment2moment]

I have been staying away for awhile because I am out of words for how I feel now and about what my life has become. Your poem describes what it is like to be an outcast, shunned by the very ones that you expected to be there for you. It is like we are wearing a big B for "bereaved"  on our forehead. 

I eat alone,  shop alone, do everything alone. I find myself retreating more and more into a world of pain and memories.

Withdrawing is easier than going out because out there I see families and couples enjoying life together and I have lost my past and am not sure of my future because I don't know who I am anymore. 

No one understands this except you all here. No one wants to be like me or you. Maybe that is why they shun us. I don't blame them, really.

If I could shower away all my pain and anger and confusion and exhaustion and fear I would. 

Love you all

Lily

[Billie Rae]

Here I am not realizing Billie quoted a poem. I feel so stupid. Lol. 
I'm also relieved this was a poem and understand better. 
[mention=412480]Billie Rae[/mention] I thought you were having a meltdown. I see you can also relate to my associating every Monday/Wednesday with traumatic times. For you it's even worse that knowing the exact time of things occuring would be a daily reminder. I get it. I've been better recently and I guess too busy to notice or pay attention to the days anymore. I have narrowed it down to just the date and his time was 11:53pm. Highly possible I'll get emotional each month around the day and time. It's no longer every week. 
[mention=405375]KayC[/mention] im sure your cat misses Arlie too. Cats are more solitary but it's possible he knows how you felt about Arlie. Just try and give him the extra love and cuddles. I think it'll make him more open to you. When Arlie was there, he was like the head of the house. But I hope you're feeling better today.

Not quoting it was me having a meltdown over betrayal.[emoji6]I'm better now

Sent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app

[JoyR]

Welp I felt it and read it correctly then. I'm happy you're feeling better. That hit home for me. I've felt the same way and when I saw that I melted down. Came back and said to myself "No!.. I can't let Billie feel alone. Something is up. So I replied. I hate this feeling.Back n forth ,happy or sad, crying or laughing. Like I'm bipolar or crazy. And I'm sane . All of this because we experienced true love and lost it. I don't even want to go through this again so I'm in limbo,alone,and not interested in moving forward. It's too much . Hurts too much. I am done with love PERIOD.

[Billie Rae]

Welp I felt it and read it correctly then. I'm happy you're feeling better. That hit home for me. I've felt the same way and when I saw that I melted down. Came back and said to myself "No!.. I can't let Billie feel alone. Something is up. So I replied. I hate this feeling.Back n forth ,happy or sad, crying or laughing. Like I'm bipolar or crazy. And I'm sane . All of this because we experienced true love and lost it. I don't even want to go through this again so I'm in limbo,alone,and not interested in moving forward. It's too much . Hurts too much. I am done with love PERIOD.

Joy,I have those same thoughts,to go through this again??nope not strong enough.
As we have talked about here,not only did I lose my love,I lost my dreams for 2 that were very close to happening,we were even looking at trailers to pull behind the truck,had looked at maps and campgrounds and where we wanted to be in each part of the year.No fun alone and financially not happening.
I lost my role as the smart one who was able to keep us on track the family advisor.
I'm a caregiver by nature(some say strong personality,my way or nothing,but it works)
I lost that.We lost who we were with them
And now have no idea who we are alone.
Why plan anything when it can all be gone in the whisper of a minute?
My arms around you
Billie

Sent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app

[KayC]

14 hours ago, Moment2moment said:

I have been staying away for awhile because I am out of words for how I feel now and about what my life has become. Your poem describes what it is like to be an outcast, shunned by the very ones that you expected to be there for you. It is like we are wearing a big B for "bereaved"  on our forehead. 

I eat alone,  shop alone, do everything alone. I find myself retreating more and more into a world of pain and memories.

Withdrawing is easier than going out because out there I see families and couples enjoying life together and I have lost my past and am not sure of my future because I don't know who I am anymore. 

No one understands this except you all here. No one wants to be like me or you. Maybe that is why they shun us. I don't blame them, really.

If I could shower away all my pain and anger and confusion and exhaustion and fear I would. 

Love you all

Lily

Lily, you are such a sweet person, I hate to see you isolated.  I know how hard it is those early years, you can be in a crowd of people and feel alone.  We need someone to talk to.  Have you tried a grief support group?  Sometimes it can take two or three tries and maybe another group or two to find a right fit but it can help to have people in the flesh that understand.  And a good way to make friends that get it.

I wish I had such a shower too.  It's only been five days since my Arlie died, the pain is so great.  I woke up at 2:30 am thinking about him, couldn't get any more sleep for hours, just caught a brief nap.  Always on my mind...now him and George both share that space.  Today is five years since my mom died.  And my cat is 25, how long will I get to keep her?

[JoyR]

I absolutely hate this. I sympathize with all of you. And I'm helpless. I'm trying to get better. And I'm weak and full of sorrow when I see how this is effecting everyone. This hurts so bad. I literally wish God ,Jesus whoever holds the power of life and death can just hurry up and come. Get this over with and take all this away. NOW!

[Moment2moment]

On 8/21/2019 at 12:47 PM, KayC said:

Lily, you are such a sweet person, I hate to see you isolated.  I know how hard it is those early years, you can be in a crowd of people and feel alone.  We need someone to talk to.  Have you tried a grief support group?  Sometimes it can take two or three tries and maybe another group or two to find a right fit but it can help to have people in the flesh that understand.  And a good way to make friends that get it.

I wish I had such a shower too.  It's only been five days since my Arlie died, the pain is so great.  I woke up at 2:30 am thinking about him, couldn't get any more sleep for hours, just caught a brief nap.  Always on my mind...now him and George both share that space.  Today is five years since my mom died.  And my cat is 25, how long will I get to keep her?

I know the pain you feel with the loss of your dog buddy. I literally could have laid down and willed myself to die just to escape the pain after I had to have my 2 best dog pals put down together last October. But I had one 13 year old left and that is literally what stopped me. Then as the months unfolded I found a puppy running down the road and later rescued another 5 year old small dog who was scheduled to be put down as "unadoptable" due to behavior problems. They have literally kept me from taking my own life.

The "road puppy" is now a big cuddly goofy dog that sleeps with me every night and is playful and funny and so sweet and loving. He literally saved my life.

I know the pain of being ignored and dismissed as a grieving partner who has lost her everything. I thought my road might be rougher because I was part of a gay couple. Now I am not so sure there are many differences in how we are treated.

I get on here and ramble with you because it might be the only authentic encounter that I have all day. And really it is not a viable encounter but at least you all might get what I am talking about and you might gain something to help you by reading my ramblings.

I want you all to know that I am fighting for my life here and plan to win this fight. It is the hardest fight I have ever fought and really i don't know exactly why but it is.

Love you all

Lily Bell

[foreverhis]

39 minutes ago, Moment2moment said:

. I thought my road might be rougher because I was part of a gay couple. Now I am not so sure there are many differences in how we are treated.

I think you're correct for the most part, but you have faced challenges all along that we hetero folks have not.  I guess in grief we are finally considered the same and swept aside as easily.

Why it took the United States so long to acknowledge what so many of us knew along will always boggle my mind.  Whenever an idiot would go on about "traditional" family and crap like that, my husband (all 6 ft and 180 lb of him) would look them dead in the eye and say, "A couple is a couple and love is love."  Nothing more, just the plain truth.  No one ever really had a good comeback to that.  I would simply ask how a gay couple's marriage could be harmful to someone else's and why it should be their responsibility if a hetero couple's marriage was so fragile.  Anyway, you've no doubt been challenged your whole life in ways that my love and I were not.  And that is one more unfairness of life.

I'm so sorry that you have been pushed away and ignored.  It's still shocking to me that it's so common.  It also makes me incredibly grateful for the small circle of family and friends who have stuck with me.

[KayC]

I hear what you are saying...when I lost my George, all of our friends disappeared, ALL of them!  Overnight!  Some did not even attend his funeral!  Nor did his boss, that he gave his all for!  Some of us are equally disregarded, equally cast off, equally left alone.  It's hard.  That it came about so suddenly, so unexpectedly, left me unprepared and at a loss to deal with it all.  I understand what you say when you say your dog/s kept you from doing yourself in.  They give us purpose, unconditional love, a reason to wake up in the morning, let alone moments of joy throughout the day!  I'm glad you have your big goofy dog, that's how my Arlie was, always thinking up games, playful.  He loved playing peek-a-boo in the couch, he'd hide his face in the corner and since he couldn't see me, he thought I couldn't see him.  I'd exclaim, "Where's Arlie?  Where did Arlie go???" and a smile would spread across his sweet face, and then he'd poke his head out and grin, like he'd really pulled something over on me! And I'd say, "There you are!!"  I loved all of his games, chasing each other around the middle of the house.  So many games the Husky plays.  Games I thought unique to him I learned my son's Huskies have also done.  

I've been told I should foster, been told my cat is a conduit, it's only one week out and I don't want anyone telling me how to handle this, I am deep in the throes of grief, the pain grabs at me, the emptiness hollow and echoing in my heart.  There is no substitute for Arlie!  No other dog will assuage the pain in my heart.  I hope someday to have another, but not now, and I have no idea what to even look for, how to find what I want and need.  But I know my heart will always carry an Arlie-shape in it, I will always long for him.

12 hours ago, Moment2moment said:

I get on here and ramble with you because it might be the only authentic encounter that I have all day. And really it is not a viable encounter but at least you all might get what I am talking about and you might gain something to help you by reading my ramblings.

We are not imaginary people in cyber-space, we are real people behind these posts, each of us with our own heartbreak, our memories, our feelings.  Each of us struggling to get through our day in light of the changes to our lives in recent months/years.  Yes we do get what you are saying.  I'm glad we're afforded this mode of travel, each of us able to communicate with someone in different parts of our country or world.  Communication is so essential!  it allows us to know we are not alone, we can feel each other with our hearts.  We can know there is another that understands, another who has been there, another that gets us...we are not suffering alone.

[KayC]

11 hours ago, foreverhis said:

I would simply ask how a gay couple's marriage could be harmful to someone else's and why it should be their responsibility if a hetero couple's marriage was so fragile.

There is no harm to anyone else, no harm but fear itself, fear driven by ignorance...education is key to understanding.

My little sister called me the moment her daughter came out to her...she was crying, worried about what others would think.  I told her to forget about that, what difference does it make!  I told her that her daughter was the same daughter she'd always known and had, how good that she trusted her enough to confide in her!  They have a beautiful relationship and I'm so glad she didn't let her fear show, that she heard her daughter, that we have been there to get to know her wife and to be glad for them that they have someone that loves them and go through life with.  My BIL didn't react as well...now my niece is having to get past that, he has learned and grown and changed, and I pray they can move past the damage...

[Billie Rae]

Moment2moment,I understand how you feel,I was raised in a town where we never saw people of color,my first husband was pure Apache,my family was shocked and his shunned us.My 2nd love was from Africa and my mom's question was"when are you going to have a real normal relationship".I guess I just never got the bigotry gene.
My niece and her wife are probably the happiest people I have ever seen,have a beautiful family,2 biological children and 4 adopted,they are respectful and kind to each other,they are the kind of love I strive for.
Our grief is the great equalizer.
In my solitary life,in my grief that few get you guys are my family.
Kay is right that we are not in cyberspace I sit right here in North Seattle in my apartment on linden ave north.
When you,all of you,post I picture you in my mind.
You are important to me.You may be physically alone,heart to heart we are together.

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