I hope it gets easier in time

[Patrick Schepis]

I keep trying to make sense of why she decided to leave, how she's capable of it, and honestly a myriad of thoughts. I don't want to accept it. 

There are so many good and bad things about our relationship. We fought a lot but when we weren't fighting, i felt like we were on top of the world together.  It would take hours to type everything out so I'll keep it brief. 

She recently put me through some trauma. I hadn't spoken to her in over a month and was removed from the home. For that month i fully believed we would keep trying to work things out. I said i would try before, but never really put forth 100% effort. I did and still am this time. Ive been seeing a psychologist weekly who has helped me immensely on thinking about why i think certain things. So i feel like I'm someone whom she would really want to stay with now. She sends me text messages asking me to pick her up, she feels threatened, she's at a guy's house 80 minutes away and he's in a full narcissistic rage. I come to her aid and see that she moved in with this guy and has 2 cars worth of our things at his house. We load up and i take her home, unload, and we go back to grab the rest. She decides to stay another night. I had never felt so used and betrayed in my life. 

She says she has no feelings for me but i believe she does and just isn't facing them. But once her mind is made up, she usually sticks to it firmly. Well she asked for another ride and i obliged. I wanted to see her again and pick up something from the house. Apparently, i was driving her to her next date with the same guy she asked me to save her from only days before. 

My mental health has been declining since all of this and i had to take a week off work to simply give myself time to cope.

I think the worst part is grieving for what future i thought we were building. We just moved from korea to America and i helped her get immigration status too but it never really felt like she was using me for that. We genuinely enjoyed each other's company. She claims she has cptsd from me and our fights. So i know she is going through so much right now too. I just wish she would come back so i can take care of her. 

[KayC]

On 7/29/2019 at 8:52 AM, Patrick Schepis said:

She says she has no feelings for me but i believe she does and just isn't facing them.

If you don't want to believe her at her word, then go by her actions.  She's LIVING with another guy!  For whatever reasons, she's moved on.  What does that tell you?  I'm not being facetious, I'm serious...what do you get from what she's saying and doing?  That is all you have to go by!  You've been getting professional help, that's great, but it's not a means to a particular end, it's to help you learn, grow, change, me more ready for your next relationship whenever you are ready for that.  I wish you the best going forward.