Jump to content
Nightshadeisis

He didn't plan this. So, why I do I feel this rage?

Recommended Posts

Nightshadeisis

My husband was bullet proof. He had this strange gene that caused him to heal quickly and clot quickly. He barely ever got sick. He once had the flu and he didn't even know it. His doctor even looked at him once and asked what the heck he was doing there because he needed no checkup; his health was that good. And then after a FOOT SURGERY of all things, he has a heart attack. Dies in our bathroom floor; our teen saw the entire thing. He did not plan this. He was too devoted to me and our kids to even attempt to. This was not his fault. So why do I feel such rage towards him? I am not angry at God; I know he has a plan. So why do I feel this toward him? I am angry at him, and as I know it was not his fault I am angry at him BECAUSE I am angry at him. I don't understand.

 

Sent from my SM-S767VL using Grieving.com mobile app

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Andy

I’m sorry for the loss you’ve experienced and the days and nights that will follow. Thoughts and prayers to and for you.

The emotions you’re feeling aren’t understandable in a way we’d like them to be, because what happened isn’t truly understandable. We want to make sense of our world, we need things to follow a logical path, to stay on a familiar course. When this “world view” is so tragically and suddenly broken, we react the way we react, usually with fear, and from there it’s only a short distance to anger. I’d like to mention though that what I’m saying is through my personal experiences and this may not address your situation. I only hope I can provide some insight into some possibilities. 

After my wife passed away, one of the biggest “revelations” I experienced was the sudden realization that I have/had very little control of anything. My daughter looked to me to help make sense of what happened, to explain how and why things would be okay, and as Dad, I’m supposed to be able to fix things. We both realized that I couldn’t fix this, I had no power to make this better. I had no control and that is a terrifying feeling. That our very existence is subject to things we have no control over, things we can’t understand, things we can’t see, events that don’t bother to ask how we might feel about it. Not everything will turn out okay. And it is a terrible new reality that we live with now. A knowledge that I wish I didn’t have. Please know though, that all of your anger, regardless of who or what it’s directed towards, is natural and normal. Just be sure to master it before it masters you. Let it have its way for short doses, run it’s course sort of speak, but temper it as best as you are able. You will need all of your reserves for yourself and for those that depend on you, taking care of yourself first only helps you for the waves of grief that will come. Truly, my heart goes out to you, this is terrible place to find yourself, but you aren’t alone. We all share this cruel wisdom but this forum was a blessing to me and I hope you find it as comforting as I did. 

 

Love and prayers,

Andy

 

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.