Still grieving over the loss of my dad

[12345]

My dad died when I was 16, and I’m 19 now. I don’t think I processed his death in the first few months of it. I cried, but I didn't really think about how different my life would be. I went back to school a week later and pretended like nothing happened. Now, fast forward 3 years and I get bouts of horrible grief episodes. I cry for hours and can’t do anything. This happens about once a month, completely randomly. I feel like I have no-one to talk too, and I honestly feel like it’s passed it’s date to talk about. No one ever checks up on me or asks if I’m ok, and it’s starting to really hurt. I feel like I am all alone in this even though I have 2 brothers. I don’t know what to do, and I’m not sure if this grief is healthy. 

[Nicole-my grief journey]

12345,

Sending you a hug. There is no time limit on grief. With my first loss, it took me two years before I could release so much of what I was holding in. In those two years, I numbed myself and kept busy and then I would randomly act destructive (this was with my first loss and since I’ve lost more family members). It’s the worst thing to feel alone and I so empathize with you on that. I’ve felt the lack of support too from people surrounding me who stopped asking how I was. I knew that I needed to talk to someone and so I started therapy and it helped tremendously...With my heartbreak, depression, processing the loss and having somewhere that I didn’t feel guilty that I was still feeling the way that I did. I also realized that if I didn’t communicate to friends, family and my other siblings what I was feeling, they didn’t know I was still struggling. I still struggle, but the load I’ve felt about it all lifts sometimes now and I can see light more and more. Would seeing a grief counselor maybe be something that you could do too? I’m a firm believer in it. It’s work and it’s painful to tap in to the deep grief feelings, but eventually you’ll feel lighter and gain traction with getting the thoughts and emotions out of your body and mind. We’ll always miss them and wonder what life would be like if they were still here and it’s like a nightmare that’s hard to come out of, but when we acknowledge and sit with out grief, feel it, express it and start to do things that honor them, we transform the grief. My heart goes out to you. To lose a parent so young is painful, unfair and heartbreaking. You can share anything here. It’s a safe space. Sometimes I share my heartache, other times my anger and sometimes things that wouldn’t maybe make sense to others, but the important thing is to keep sharing. I hope that you will. Thinking of you.