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dtkais

Had to say goodbye

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dtkais

Last February we brought our 9 year beagle mix named Moose in because he was sick. They diagnosed him with pancreatitis... and diabetes. My wife and I spent more than we could afford on treatment and wrestled with how we could deal with a diabetic dog while raising our two year old daughter and caring for our elderly parents. Ultimately we weren’t ready to say bye to Moose yet and gave it a go. Last week he got sick again. We took him in once more and they said he’d need multiple tests and a stay at the hospital. We couldn’t afford it this time.

He passed on in my arms after the vet euthanized him. I had to drive home alone. I left a piece of myself there at the vet’s. It was one of the loneliest drives of my life. He’d been with me since he was 2 months old, had been there when I met the girl I fell in love with who I’d eventually ask to marry me. He’d seen the birth of our amazing daughter and moved cities with us.

I’m struggling so much with this goodbye. I see him everywhere. At night it’s so quiet without hearing him get up to drink, shake off, jingle his collar. I’m missing everything from getting up to give him his insulin to going into the garage and not seeing him come to greet me.

Life is moving on faster than I’d like. I’m struggling to be present for the people in my life. I’m no stranger to grief and loss, but the time for things to get better seems insurmountable to me right now. He was part of our family and I can’t seem to express how much has changed without him.

We’ve told our daughter he’s in heaven because she kept asking where he was. Now, she points up and says “moose in heaven! Hi Moose!” and waves at the sky. I get strength and joy from her, and wish I could see his passing with the simple acceptance that she does.

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Filly

So very sorry to read of your loss of Moose.  It's so hard -- to go through the illness(es), go through the end with them and then the following grief.  Only their unconditional love and devotion make it all worth it.  We all go into pet "parenthood" knowing that they can't live as long as we do and that one day we will go through the pain and grief from their loss, but we are never ready.  No amount of time is ever enough, but only time can make the loss more bearable.  

I grew up with beagles and so will always have a soft spot in my heart for them.  They are great dogs!

All of us here have gone through what you are feeling, some of us many times over, and wish we had the perfect words to help.  Truth is though that you will be hearing him, seeing him, and missing him for some time to come.  The emotions are just so very raw and painful at first.  We are here to read and let you know that we not only understand but are going through it too.  You're not alone.  There are a lot of very caring people on this forum, so please do continue to write.  For some of us, it does help.

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dtkais

Thank you for this. He was my and our family’s first dog. It’s strange going in knowing he wouldn’t live as long as us, as is the way of things, yet when I picked him up from a pup at the shelter that day seemed so far away!

Thank you for your support and best to you and yours.

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KayC

I am so sorry.  I'm going through it with my dog too now, he has cancer, I also can't afford treatments and don't want to put him through all that at the end just to extend his life a bit at the cost of his suffering.  I'm giving him liver support and monitoring his quality of life to know when it's time, the hardest thing in the world.  He's everything to me.  My husband passed 14 years ago yesterday, kids long gone, my dog has been my companion and best friend the last 10+ years.

I wish it was as simple for us as for a child.  Your dog is named Moose, my dog is Arlie but often called The Moose because of his large size.

I hope this brings you comfort...I totally believe we'll be together again.

 

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foreverhis
On 6/20/2019 at 5:45 AM, KayC said:

.I totally believe we'll be together again.

I believe that too.  I had a sign shortly after my love died that I am now convinced was from our precious Persian.  This is the true story I sent to our daughter about what happened a couple of weeks after my love was taken from us:

You know the tall dark oak cabinet with the glass doors that's in our bedroom?  We’ve stored some books from your great-grandma, some special newspapers, and a few photo albums there.  On the bottom was the old photo album focused on you and your dad.  My eyes were tearing up while I was digging out that one for you.  I had to pull out everything else to get to it.  As I pulled out the last book, a single crunchy cat treat in perfect condition—looked and smelled fresh out of the bag—popped off the shelf.  What the...?  I know that shelf and everything in the cabinet have been thoroughly cleaned multiple times in the past 14 years.  Plus I've changed things in and out several times.  We never even stored pet supplies in it.  How did that get there?  Most likely, it simply got stuck in a corner and overlooked, but wouldn’t you think it would be dusty, musty, and worn after all those years?  It was eerie because one of the last things I said to your daddy, right before telling him for the millionth time how I love him more than I thought I could ever love anyone, was that it was okay to stop fighting and to “go find Bear and Penny."   I’d like to believe that Penny was a furry angel at that moment telling me he found her.  Wishful thinking?  Probably, but who knows.
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