Lost my mom

[Juleso]

Hi,

This is the first time Ive posted on this forum. My mom died unexpectantly in March 2018. Im still reeling. Im still depressed.

I have seen many "signs' of her sending her love my way, sometimes I am sure I hear her talking to me but I just feel as If Ive lost my bearings in this world. 

My foundation feels like its been ripped away and joy seems like an unattainable emotion.  I know she wouldnt want this for me but I just cant seem to find meaning in life.

She was my beat friend , my everything, she embodied love.   

I am lost without her..

Thank you for any words of support..........

jules

 

[Nicole-my grief journey]

Juleso,

I am truly sad for your loss. It’s profound. You eloquently expressed how I feel about my mom too. She embodied love. She was a mother in the purest sense and my best friend. I miss talking to her about nothing and everything! The unconditional love. Her soft skin and hugs. Making plans and us just wanting to always be together. It’s like every cell of my body screams about the loss. Months of yearning for her. It’s an ocean of grief. My mom passed July 2018. Everyone is different, but some things that have helped me are:

•Seeing a therapist consistently and not only talking, but learning coping techniques.

•Taking walks and with every flower I see (my mom loved flowers), I remember her love and know she would be smiling about their beauty. 

•Obviously crying it out a lot! and writing.

•Honoring her by continuing to share stories about her and posting pictures of her. A lot of people have responded when I do that and share stories about her and how they feel regarding losing her and then I don’t feel as alone.

•Telling myself that it’s ok to feel how I feel and it takes time for grief to transform. 

•Honoring her with an engraving at the local arboretum for people that love her to go visit with me because it’s symbolic of watching things grow and it’s beautiful there. A way to celebrate her so to speak.

•Repetition of positive affirmations (this took me a lot of practice and youtube videos by Louise Hay and others).

•Being kind and helpful to others in need. Even if it’s just holding a door open, smiling at a stranger, or asking how someone’s day was that I don’t know.

•Pre-planning buying frozen meals that are easy because I’ve lost weight from grief and it’s important to at least have something in my body.

•And lastly, a lot of “faking it till I make it” with making myself interact, trying to laugh and let go. Telling myself I will shelf the grief for two hours when I’m out at a social event and I can cry when I get home. I never feel like going, but I make myself to maintain the connections. It actually started to work and I’ve had some good moments. I’m starting to have more in the last few weeks. Major improvement. 

I never thought I would still be here a year later after her death and I am. I never thought I would smile again and I have. I believe that you will too. When I first went back to work and started to do the creative things I used to do...I had zero drive or passion for it, but I just kept doing those things, telling myself to push through just a little bit each day. Not putting big expectations on myself, just small victories like being ok for 15 minutes at my desk. When I hit severe depression I finally saw a doctor to go on a small dose of antidepressant to adjust my serotonin because I literally could not eat or move at a certain point. I’m not a doctor and so I would never tell you what to do, or recommend doing anything without professional advice. Only you and a doctor would know what’s right for you. But for me, it really helped me to be able to shower, get to the grocery store, regain hope and help me focus. My grief is still here, but now it feels more manageable. I was monitored for a while when I first started it to make sure I was ok. I almost stopped the med due to side effects, bit those side effects only about a week and then tapered off. I’m happy I stuck with it and gave it a chance.

Keep trying different things and sharing here. We care and empathize with you. Oh! And more thing that I’ve worked on is seeking out others (mostly moms) that are a little older than me and that have more years than me with losing their moms. When they’ve shared their stories and how it was/ is for them...it really helps. Now, I’m hoping to find a mentor. No one can EVER replace my mom  and I’m not looking for another mom...and even though I’m an adult, I still feel like the nurturing and advice from someone like that could benefit me and so that’s why I’m seeking that. I hope something I’ve written helps. Sorry it’s a long post. I just want to help if I can.

Hugs,

Nicole

 

[ImissMyMommy]

Juleso,

I am sorry for the pain you feel and for your loss. I am in the exact same boat. I loved my mother more than myself and I understand exactly how you feel. I feel like it's hard to try to keep going on without her, but I know that she would want me to and I don't want to let her down. So I just take it day by day. I'm sure your mother raised you to be strong and you have the strength inside to keep moving forward. I know it doesn't make it any easier, but it gives us something to pull some strength from. Nicole's advise was great and I have been doing some of those things and will look into some of the other tips she suggested. I am grateful that I found this site. Reading through some of the posts have really helped me to feel that I'm not alone.

I hope that you find happiness again.

[Juleso]

I’m a little clumsy on this site , esp on my iPhone but I didn’t want any more time to go by to express my gratitude to you both for taking the time to write to me and express your thoughts and extend your compassion to me. I am very grateful for that .  As we know the feeling of aloneness is quite profound  and I continue to have this feeling of falling with nowhere to land . My dreams are full of my mom but at this time they are still filled with shock , perhaps because of the complete unexpectedness of her death . One minute  I’m texting her about the snowstorm and the different kinds of birds I’m seeing at the feeder and the next day I got the phone call . My brother died in accident some time ago so I think the shock of one minute here , the next minute not on this physical realm has been something to contend with .

it is true that my mom would not want me to spend months lingering in grief and I need to remember that . As she was my best friend it’s tough to know where to turn . 

I will take your ideas which are signposts of strengths and try to put them into action .

I hope we can continue to connect.

With deep gratitude ,

jules 

[Moondusted]

I lost my mom in January.   It's the hardest thing I've ever dealt with.  Like your mom,  she was my rock, my best friend & my everything.  I can't offer much in the way of advice, but I can tell you that you are not alone in your grief.