Wish I wasn’t new to this

[RS1225]

My husband passed on Tuesday June 4th of an unexpected heart attack.  I found this forum today. I am a Zombie. I can’t even think , eat, sleep, or anything right now. I wake up every morning and look at his side of the bed and realize this is not a dream. It’s really happening to me. My heart is breaking and I have no will to be here. I have my faith and that is getting me through my day. So I made it through another day 

[JES]

@RS1225  I am so sorry for your loss of your husband. I understand and know your pain. It is one of the hardest losses we will ever go through. Your emotions are normal for this kind of loss.  We are all here on this forum in different stages of loss. I am at 8 1/2 months loss of husband.  You are so new in your loss, you will feel many emotions,  try to surround yourself with family, friends, or come here to talk, vent, with those that understand.  There are those that may give little ways to help you cope abit better or just to let you know, you are not alone in this, we all care about each other.  Thinking of you. Jeanne

[Billie Rae]

@RS1225,oh,this is still so so new to you.
I'm very sad for you,I am at almost 5 months and the first month was spent in complete disbelief even though I watched him die over 3 horrible months of cancer.
Don't do anything important now just grieve.Remember we all grieve differently,myself,I had deep sadness,anger that he left me and guilt that I couldn't save him.
But I also was lucky that in his last weeks he talked a lot about what he wanted for me,he told me to live for him so he could see me in a good happy life,it's hard right now but I promised.
Be kind to yourself and do what YOU need.
Don't forget to eat and water as that takes some stress off your body.Take each minute as it is.
Hugs and one minutes peace my dear
Billie

Sent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app

[RS1225]

Thank you guys. I am just so tired. I need sleep. This is the most hardest thing I have ever had to do. My husband at least was able to tell me how much he loves me. And me him back. And I am in Academy for a correctional officer. And he told me to finish it even if he dies before he died.  I have to go back and finish on July 1 st. I am hoping I can get through enough,just to function as a human to do what I have to do to survive. I am just so sad. He was my world. 

[ModKatB]

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. This is one of the hardest things we ever have to deal with but you will find many here that understand the pain and confusion. We are all on the same journey but just on different parts of that road, for me it was 1 year and 4 months ago after being married for 21 years. I found that writing was a way for me to find a sense of peace and I am adding something I wrote about the beginning of my journey.

 

                                                    THE LITTLE THINGS

When you have lost someone you love it turns your world upside down and you suddenly forget
to take care of anything and everything. I remember I did not care if I ate or slept or cleaned my 
home or took a bath. Nope, none of it mattered at that time at all. The only thing I wanted was 
for my husband to walk in the door and everything that was happening would just be a dream.
Well I finally figured out it wasn't a dream and I had to take care of things including me.
This is just my personal version of things I had to get in order to navigate this thing called Grief. 

1. First and most important thing to remember is that grief has no rules and there is no set  
 time for you to grieve.
2. People are going to say things that hurt you but most of the time it is because they don't 
really know what to say and as my husband told me many times "They can't help it cause they
open their mouths and stupid just falls out".
3. Take time to eat even though you may not want it, take a hot bath or shower, turn on the tv
for noise, if you have pets spend time with them.
4. Cry if you need to, scream if it makes you feel better, talk to them as if they are still sitting 
there. Do whatever you can to let out the hurt and pain because holding it in never seems to 
help.
5. Reach out for help when you can because having someone to listen can make a 
world of difference. I found this grief forum and it helped me to get thru those hard times.
6. If things get too unbearable please reach out for medical help.
This is something that can bring the strongest of them to their knees, so asking for help
is nothing to be ashamed of. 
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-TALK [8255])
7. Tiny steps still move you forward, so one moment at a time is okay.

Remember this journey thru grief is your own and what works for me might not work for you
and that is okay. We are all traveling the same road just at different times, so you are not alone
and there are others that understand that you are hurting and feel lost. I will say this to each of
the ones that are just starting out, there is HOPE. 

[Brazil Man]

I read that you lost your husband on June 4th.  It's the same day of birthday of my wife. It's been over one year since she is gone and the pain never goes away.
I am really sorry that you lost your husband.

Moises 

[KayC]

22 hours ago, RS1225 said:

My husband passed on Tuesday June 4th of an unexpected heart attack.  I found this forum today. I am a Zombie. I can’t even think , eat, sleep, or anything right now. I wake up every morning and look at his side of the bed and realize this is not a dream. It’s really happening to me. My heart is breaking and I have no will to be here. I have my faith and that is getting me through my day. So I made it through another day 

I am so sorry for your loss...this is what I experienced 14 years ago, my husband had a heart attack, he was barely 51 and we didn't even know he had heart trouble until that weekend.  He had suffered a previous heart attack but we didn't know it, we'd thought it was his diabetes then.

Finding a place such as this literally was my salvation.  Knowing there are others that get it and understand, learning about grief, that we aren't crazy.  I hope you'll continue to come here.  You're one week out, at that time I was not only a zombie, I'm not sure my brain was even functioning.  

I hope you'll print this out and read it every few months, everything likely seems surreal right now.  These are the things I've found helpful but are not an exhaustive list, and what speaks to one person may not another.  Sending you wishes for comfort...the best piece of advice I got was to take a day at a time, I do it still.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

• Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
• Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
• Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
• Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255
• Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
• Try not to isolate too much.  
• There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
• Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
• Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
• In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
• Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
• Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
• Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
• Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
• Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
• Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
• Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

 

[RS1225]

Thanks to you all. I literally just can’t think straight right now. And your kind words and mutual understanding is a blessing in my life. Maybe one day I will feel strong enough to return this help to someone that you have all given me. 

[KayC]

I hope you'll keep coming here, keep us posted, we want to be here for you.

[RS1225]

The hardest thing for me right now is waking up to face the day without him here. I get relief when I am asleep. I am losing some of the brain fog now. And feel like I can function as a human. The days are so long. I continue praying for that is my only strength right now. Bless you all. 

[KayC]

My brain fog lasted for a very long time, I don't think my brain ever returned 100% to normal.  I get by, I function, but was never the same employee as I was prior to this, it's hard to focus that in depth.

I'm glad you are able to sleep, that makes all the difference.  Sleep for me has not been the same since he died, there was something so reassuring about sleeping snuggled up to him.  Now I have to use a pill.

[Sunflower2]

@RS1225Do not expect yourself to think straight and maintain a focus. your focus is you.  do not concern yourself with how you can support others in their grief.  You are naturally in a state of shock especially after experiencing a sudden loss. Be open to receive as there is support there for you beyond forums and support groups. We find what works for us and only us.  Yes there will  be Uplifting support that can be there for you even in your dark moments of raw grief, despair and excruciating pain.   Reach out and do your best to communicate to others how they can help you.  Each has a strength.  Tap into their specific strengths as you need them.  Those that have lost someone can be supported in understanding your grief.  You will also find magnitudes of healthy support from those that have not lost a partner.  The best you can do is lean more dominantly toward what works for you.  

My thoughts and light are with you!  Your life may be getting through just one second at a time.  Honor it and know eventually those seconds turn into moments.  Moments turn into minutes. Minutes turn into hours and eventually hours will turn into a day.  This is a process.  A slow one. 

~Sunflower~

[Pim]

Dear RS1225,

I am so sorry for your loss. To have to wake up without your husband next to you is one of the hardest things. In the beginning the morning was the most difficult time of the day for me. Recently things went a little better but the strange thing is that now that I am nearing the one year mark, I am having so much grief again.

So there is no linear path. I does not get better all the time but you do make certain jumps for the good and you can have periods of a few days which are relatively easy.

A lot of the grief in my case stems from the fact that my partner Rob was only 53, way too young to be separated from me, and that he died of a horrible disease, Progressive Muscular Atrophy, which is like ALS. I guess your husband died way too young too? It sure is hard to have to miss out on all the activities you did together and to have to say goodbye to the future you both dreamt of.

As advised by others, seek help, be receptive to other people. This sometimes means you have to bite your tongue when someone makes a silly remark. They can't help it, these simple, fortunate souls because you can only understand what we're going through if you go through it yourself.

I am glad your faith helps.
Keep the faith, Pim

[RS1225]

I didn’t want to get out of bed today. I finally did about 1:00. Not sleeping. Just didn’t want to get up and face my world again today. He is dead, dead, dead and never coming back. 

[Sarah7055]

Dear RS1225

i know your pain, my partner passed away suddenly last Monday of what we believe was a cardiac arrest.We didn’t live together but spent all our time together, we were in our own bubble, he helped me out of a very bad marriage and has been my anchor since.i knew something was wrong when I woke last Monday morning around 5am an he has not responded to my messages the previous evening so I raced around to his house and found him.....I have felt like Ive been living in a nightmare, I can’t eat or sleep, I feel so lonely and bereft. I have to pull myself together as a I have 2 wonderful boys I have to take care of.....I don’t know what to do.

 

 

 

[RS1225]

Sarah7055 I feel everything you are saying. I can only do one day at a time.  I can’t process much further than that right now. Some of my days I get through better than others. All we can do is hang in there and get through today. 

[RS1225]

Our Anniversary is Monday the 24th. I don’t know what to do about that day yet. I am still in such a daze. I thought my brain fog was getting better but I did something so stupid today. I took 3 of my blood pressure pills thinking they were my ibuprofen. I’ve had to watch my pressure all day. I was told to drink lots of water by poison control. But I think it diluted all of it. Now it’s high. But not taking anymore until tomorrow morning. This is just so unreal. My heart feels like it will never quit breaking. And my heart literally races at times.  Can you die from a broken heart?

[Sarah7055]

Sarah7055 I feel everything you are saying. I can only do one day at a time.  I can’t process much further than that right now. Some of my days I get through better than others. All we can do is hang in there and get through today. 

One day at a time is the only way I think we can process such an enormous loss.
I’ve since had another loss, my beautiful father passed away yesterday also from a cardiac arrest.... I feel like I’m living in a nightmare - buried my soulmate last Wednesday and now planning my father’s funeral... life can be so cruel [emoji17]


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[RS1225]

Amen sister. I made it through the day. Need to get through today now. Sorry you had another horrible loss. Hugs. 

[KayC]

15 hours ago, RS1225 said:

Can you die from a broken heart?

Yes, but most of us don't.  You have the academy to go back to in eight days, so maybe you can make that your focus?  We'll all be pulling for you as you do!
I'm glad you made it through the HBP incident okay.  Brain fog is very real, we've all experienced it, time and again.  It's hard to function in those early days/months.

Will keep you in my thoughts & prayers tomorrow.  
Coping with special days:  https://www.griefhealingblog.com/p/h.html
https://thriveglobal.com/stories/how-to-cope-with-a-wedding-anniversary-after-the-death-of-your-soulmate/
https://adventuresinwidowedparenting.wordpress.com/2017/02/23/your-wedding-anniversary-when-your-husband-is-dead/ (Note: not all friends are as thoughtful as hers, sometimes we have to tell people what we need/want!)
https://tealashes.com/2015/07/24/anniversary-after-death/ Quote: They suggested I plan something I wanted to do for myself while giving myself permission to back out if that’s what I wanted.

[RS1225]

KayC you are right. It is my focus. He died on June 4th. And I haven’t done anything really but bs stuff. Funeral, financial stuff, just stuff. I have one week to get back working out and getting in shape again and study to recap my brain. I have to make it and graduate. I scheduled a firearms class for Thursday morning. I will be there. He was going to show me. And didn’t make it. I at least want a heads up that I can make target. They will teach but yeah. This is my entire focus after tomorrow. My anniversary without him. I guess you could say I had a better day today. I made church, had coffee chats with the ladies, went to see my husband at his place of rest in the cemetery. Stopped by and seen an older lady that lives down my road. She can’t make it to church anymore. And another friend down the road. He will try to help sell my husbands boat. I need the money. To get through until I start getting paychecks again. The Lord is with me this day and everyday. 

[KayC]

You have a plan, that is very helpful, so are your goals.  But be sure to factor in what you can't plan for...triggers, meltdowns, ups and downs.  This will hit you when you least expect it, especially in the early months/years.  And it's okay to cry in public, as uncomfortable as it might feel, we've all done it.  If it hits you hard while driving pull over, hard to see/think through tears.  If at work, go to restroom, run some water and cry.  

Those first couple weeks it's all about attending affairs, notifying people, bringing in death certificates, contacting insurance, bank, making funeral arrangements, etc.  And the phone never quits ringing.  Then comes the day it does, that's even worse.  All you get is people's voicemail, no return calls...doesn't happen like that with everyone but it did me.  How I lived through that I don't know.  Except for one day at a time or one foot in front of another, takes a lot of grit and sometimes we don't feel we have any left in us.  Let us be your support, we can all relate, we've all been there, are there.

[RS1225]

Happy Anniversary my baby. I miss you more than words can say. 

[RS1225]

I will always love my best friend, soul mate, husband. I will never love another in this way. But I have to live. It is not my time to die. I have a purpose to fulfill on this earth. And children that love me. I don’t know what it is yet. But I will in time. And when I am finished, my time will come as well. I will continue this grief journey that I am on. For the rest of my days. And it is mine. I claim it because it is not my choice. It just is what it is. I am Christian and that is where I go for my strength. I am weak, but thou art strong. I love this page because I can put into words how I feel. For this is my life journey. No one else’s. Just mine. 

[Mildman]

Brazilman

if you can not offer comfort or advice better to say nothing 

[KayC]

On 6/25/2019 at 3:25 PM, RS1225 said:

I will always love my best friend, soul mate, husband. I will never love another in this way. But I have to live. It is not my time to die. I have a purpose to fulfill on this earth. And children that love me. I don’t know what it is yet. But I will in time. And when I am finished, my time will come as well. I will continue this grief journey that I am on. For the rest of my days. And it is mine. I claim it because it is not my choice. It just is what it is. I am Christian and that is where I go for my strength. I am weak, but thou art strong. I love this page because I can put into words how I feel. For this is my life journey. No one else’s. Just mine. 

I post a verse every day on FB...I wrote down that one to use tomorrow, it's very encouraging.  Thank you for sharing it.  Sometimes we get just what we need when we need it.

[RS1225]

So I was asleep. And I heard his voice. He said how are you doing beautiful? And I said, I am just so tired. And he said I know. Why didn’t I say more than that?? That was just it. 

[KayC]

I don't know, I haven't had a lot of dreams of him.  I figure we get what we get, I'm grateful any time he's in it.

[Sarah7055]

KayC you are right. It is my focus. He died on June 4th. And I haven’t done anything really but bs stuff. Funeral, financial stuff, just stuff. I have one week to get back working out and getting in shape again and study to recap my brain. I have to make it and graduate. I scheduled a firearms class for Thursday morning. I will be there. He was going to show me. And didn’t make it. I at least want a heads up that I can make target. They will teach but yeah. This is my entire focus after tomorrow. My anniversary without him. I guess you could say I had a better day today. I made church, had coffee chats with the ladies, went to see my husband at his place of rest in the cemetery. Stopped by and seen an older lady that lives down my road. She can’t make it to church anymore. And another friend down the road. He will try to help sell my husbands boat. I need the money. To get through until I start getting paychecks again. The Lord is with me this day and everyday. 

My partner/soulmate passed suddenly on June 9th then I lost my beautiful father son June 22nd (funeral tomorrow), this is the most unbearable thing I have ever been through.
I have 2 boys I need to take care of and am packing up my house to move in less than 2 weeks, it’s all happened at once and I don5 know how I’m going to make it.
I cry every day, my boys don’t understand as he was not their father, so, so hard [emoji17][emoji29]


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[RS1225]

3 hours ago, Sarah7055 said:

My partner/soulmate passed suddenly on June 9th then I lost my beautiful father son June 22nd (funeral tomorrow), this is the most unbearable thing I have ever been through.
I have 2 boys I need to take care of and am packing up my house to move in less than 2 weeks, it’s all happened at once and I don5 know how I’m going to make it.
I cry every day, my boys don’t understand as he was not their father, so, so hard


Sent from my iPad using Grieving.com

Sarah7055, I can only live step by step, moment by moment, one day at a time right now. Our grief is still very raw. You have to cry when you need to. This grief is horrible and I wish none of us had to experience it. I Try to notice the joy in something everyday. For instance watching the birds eat or spending time with my family. But at this stage in our grief we feel as though we will never be happy again. This pain will always be here. But eventually it won’t be the constant gut wrenching physical pain that it is right now.  

Hugs 

[KayC]

RS is right. The intensity of pain will lessen to something more bearable, also we get more used to this life little by little.  It must feel overwhelming to be having a funeral, moving, boys to take care of.  One day at a time.  You just need to do today.  Then tomorrow you get up and do it all over again.  Just take on today.

[RS1225]

Okay. I did it. I graduated today. And the person, my best friend, is not here to tell this to. I don’t feel like I have anyone that will hear me. I’m so alone. Everyone has gone away. It hasn’t even been 2 months yet. I feel like, I need to rid a whole lot of selfish people from my life. I don’t have many that reach out to me. You find out who your friends are. 

[KayC]

I'm sorry, grief re-wrote my address book too.  It sure feels like they don't care when they don't reach out or respond, but I don't think that's the primary thing, I think they avoid the uncomfortable.  You'd think you'd push through uncomfortable for a friend, wouldn't you.  No one asked us if this was comfortable for us!

Congratulations on graduating!  I talk to my George anyway, who knows, maybe they can hear us.

[RS1225]

Well I had a good cry. I guess I feel better now. It has to come out. I know it’s not my last one. I hold it in when I’m at work or doing my responsibilities. And let it out when I can. Such is life for me now. At least I have my dogs to talk to and I talk to my Lord. I’m making it. Moment by moment. 

[dalhana]

I am so sorry for your loss. I try to take walks as often as possible. It is a healthy thing to do and the fresh air and motion always make me feel better. Take care of yourself as best as you can. Hugs to you.

[RS1225]

I have nobody to talk to. I need to clean my husbands shop out because I can’t afford to keep it. All I can do is cry. I’m not ready for this. I have to balance my life out to my bills and what I can afford. I don’t have the energy for this stupid crap. 

[KayC]

I remember going through the shop too, I had my son with me.  Now it's hard to even go into it.  I had it all organized but it looks like someone ransacked it (it's not locked) and I haven't the heart to go through it again.  There it sits.

You say you can't afford to keep his shop...are you moving then?

My best friend moved four years ago to get remarried, since then I've struggled to build friendships, it's a slow tough go, but important to do.  I belong to a couple of ladies groups, some of them are widowed, it helps but it's not the same as when I had my GF here, we were both widowed and super close.  It's me and my dog and he's dying, bit by bit.  I can't picture walking without him but know I must for my health.  Nothing about this is easy no matter how long it's been, but we do our best and try to make it through our day.

[JES]

@RS1225  You are so new in your grief...it is so hard to even take care of ourselves at this point. Our emotions are up and down..... and our minds have a hard time processing anything as we are so deep in our grief.  Still at over 10 months loss of husband I have hard time going thru his things. I have done alittle but only to family. His workbench is a disaster yet.  I find myself picking up and looking at every little item then I give up. It sounds that you need to clean his shop and maybe you have already done it, but if not, is it possible to box most of it and store until you are ready? Jus a thought that may help at this time. Im so sorry you are going through this. Jeanne

[RS1225]

Thank you guys. I got the shop cleaned. They are picking it up Thursday. Thank God my daughter and son in law helped. I couldn’t do it by myself. It is a portable building. I’m trying to keep my house. 

[KayC]

I'm so glad it's done and you weren't alone.  Maybe that's why I haven't cleaned the shop, no one to help, it feels too much.  I hope you can keep your home too.

[Rhonda R]

I had to clean out our lake home and sell all our stuff within 6 weeks of Randy's death.  I know exactly how you feel.  I wasn't ready to part with one thing of ours at that point.  I was still holding on so tight. Everything he ever touched had meaning and was a connection to him.  Of everything I sold, his Harley Davidson was the worst.  When that stranger started up that bike and drove it out of the garage, I almost hit my knees.  A year later I have realized that the memories I have of us on that bike did not go out of the driveway with it. 

Corrections is a tough job to do when you are grieving, especially if you are new.  Being a new staff at a correctional facility is exhausting.  They will test you and try to get over on you.  You cannot be yourself or show your emotions at work because that is a weakness.  I remember several days I barely made it to my car before I broke down and I had worked at the prison 29 years by then.  Be patient with yourself.  You are still learning and you are grieving.  Both take a lot of energy.

Randy and I met at work.  We became best friends at work.  I still see him walking down the hallway.  Working out.  Responding to an emergency call.  He's everywhere here.  I just celebrated 30 years at work.  They just celebrated the 25 year anniversary of SORT (special operations response team), Randy was on one of the first teams.  Randy should have been there, for both.  They were both such difficult days for me so I know exactly what you are talking about. 

Take care of yourself in there and at home.  Life is a silent teacher and although it may feel as though you are stuck at times.  Every day you get out of bed, whether it's a good day or a bad day, is a step toward healing your heart. 

 

[RS1225]

Yes. I cannot grieve whatsoever at work. My mind has to be 100 percent on my job. It is, because I am crazy busy.

At home in the quiet moments alone is my time to grieve or remember him. 

[KayC]

23 hours ago, Rhonda R said:

A year later I have realized that the memories I have of us on that bike did not go out of the driveway with it. 

A good reminder to us all!

23 hours ago, Rhonda R said:

Being a new staff at a correctional facility is exhausting.  They will test you and try to get over on you.  You cannot be yourself or show your emotions at work because that is a weakness.  I remember several days I barely made it to my car before I broke down and I had worked at the prison 29 years by then.  Be patient with yourself.  You are still learning and you are grieving.

I used to do prison ministry years ago...I know well how they can be.  You must be a tough cookie to hold a job like that, let alone with you grieving!  My hat's off to you!
Being patient and understanding of yourself and self-care is essential to getting through this optimally...its tough at best.