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Living with Loss


KayC

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My dog bites are painful and one of my fingers is red and swollen and I can't even get to the doctor until they pick this dog up, haven't heard from them in 1 1/2 days.  He pooped on the floor twice and when I came home from church yesterday, he'd broken out of the pen and gotten into the house, he can open the front door!  He's done it twice.  So the house was cold, it took hours to get it to warm back up again.  He pushed the skirting in and dug a bit and that is how he escaped.  I'm getting less inclined to have another dog.  My blood sugar is high even though I've ate healthy, and I know it's stress.

I haven't even had time to read the colonoscopy packet which is what I need to be concentrating me on.  And the (guy) friend I asked to ride with me when I got the dog?  Now he won't leave me alone, wants to date me, ugh!  He's 18 years older than me, so not interested!  This is awkward...the week seems to be getting worse and worse.

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This morning they picked him up after being here for two days...wouldn't let him take the stuffed monkey he loved, I didn't get to say goodbye. He was perfect in every way except for the biting. They didn't warn me he had this issue. I feel terrible, he was the sweetest little guy. 1f641.png  I've been bawling the last two hours.  Will not use this rescue again.

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You didn't need to go through this loss - that is just what it is.  You adopted a dog and did not expect this problem and they should have told you.  Best he is not in your home now and things can settle down. Give yourself time and be kind to yourself.

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The dog is Terrier and Schnauzer, 23 lbs.  He's sweet, cuddly, so adorable, super personality, housebroken sort of, extremely smart.  He never barked once, he can cry softly, he can growl.  He was perfect except the biting, and I think he has a history of abuse is why he is that way.  

Saturday night I was sleeping in my loveseat recliner and Jackson was in Arlie's recliner by the window.  The lights were off and all of a sudden I'm woke out of a dead sleep!  Jackson jumped up on the cat who was sleeping near me...he didn't know she was there as she wasn't when we went to sleep and turned the lights out.  A 25 year old cat getting woke up by a DOG jumping on them is quite a sight!  She became airborne, claws flashing wildly!  Jackson didn't realize WHAT happened, he was terrified out of his wits, as was the cat!  He jumped onto me and trembled the rest of the night (this happened at 10 pm so it was a long night).  I was scared to pick him up and move him next to me for fear he'd bite again so I kind of dozed off and on, not getting much sleep.

Sunday I went to church, came home and Jackson had pushed the skirting in on the house so he could have ample room to escape the pen he was in.  He then proceeded to open the front door (for the second time!) leaving it wide open so the house was cold when I got home.  Super smart little guy!  He's much more adorable than any picture can show because of his personality.

Yesterday the foster dad picked him up early so I didn't get to walk him or say goodbye.  The guy was angry with me for giving him up!  He wouldn't let Jackson take the monkey I'd given him, he loved shaking it.  I was so upset by how all this went down and was astonished how much I'd bonded with this little guy.  He was so sweet!  (when he wasn't biting)  I bawled for five hours.  

This morning I have an appointment to get my fingers checked, one is swollen and red and I just want to make sure there's no infection, although it doesn't appear infected, it may just be the overall trauma and bruising in addition to the lacerations.  This has all been such a hard experience, I'll never do business again with this company.

Jackson-1.jpg

Forgive me repeating myself, I'm not my best right now...

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A cute, adorable little dog so I can see with everything else so good about him you were so taken.  You should have been furious with his "foster dad" for putting you through this!  I am! He knew there was an issue with biting history and most probably the abuse that made this little guy so defensive and you had no way of knowing until getting him home.  The foster dad and his company are liable for the dog bite and medical care you have had to get - just glad you are seeking medical attention because bites get infected and need care. I want to hear how you are doing. 

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They may be ethically liable but I can't afford to sue them.  I put a stop payment on my check (they weren't supposed to cash it until the adoption was final, but I don't trust them).  On their FB page they list him as good with children and dogs, the liars!  I told them he growled at Joe (my neighbor's chow that I walk) for no reason and they said they've seen him do that with other dogs.  He's the sweetest little dog...with BIG ISSUES!   He needs a behavioral specialist, he won't likely get it with them.  They need to be forthright with potential adopters.  And no way in hell is he 3-5 years, more like 2 at the most.  And housebroken?  He pooped on my floor twice in spite of getting ample opportunities to do it outside.  They just lied all the way around.

I had to file a report with the country yesterday when I went to the doctor, they will put him on quarantine, that kills me.  It won't help for HIM to be locked up, maybe the rescue needs quarantined.

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Most states, including the State of Washington, have Small Claims Courts for settling disputes/claims up to $10,000. The fee is $35-$50, but one can get a waiver on this. But, this is a dog bite and there is strict liability with regard to dog bites. This is just informational but when I've lawsuits handle dog bite cases here, they are on a contingency basis so any costs are paid after the case settled. You will not be charged for the quarantine for the dog - he belongs to the rescue operation. I did handle one for my brother in Washington. You are not liable for the quarantine costs and he belongs to the rescue organization and they have to have insurance to operate, so it's their problem.  I tend to be overly aggressive in dealing with such things. 

No it won't help for the dog to be locked up - they were dishonest about his history so they wronged him and you. 

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I no longer have him so they will deal with the quarantine, but I feel so bad for the dog.  He won't understand why he's being kept away from everyone and I hope his foster dad isn't mean to him, he didn't want him back.
I saw this picture listed AFTER they took him back...they removed it the next day when the county animal control made contact.  I'll never forget this little guy...and no way is he 3, he's a baby.  They also said he was housebroken but he wasn't totally.  Except for the biting, he was perfect.

Jackson-7.jpg

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I don't imagine I will ever get over this loss, Arlie was one of a kind, my special soulmate in a dog...now I've lost him and my George and neither one can be replaced, only remembered.  I look around and everything in this house is for him, his recliner and loveseat, his coat, his toys, his dishes, his brush, his fence, his pen, his doghouse.  Another dog may make use of some of these things someday (or maybe not), but they will always be his and carry with them his memory.  Everything was bought or built with him in mind, my baby, my companion, my entertainment, my protector.  Kitty couldn't have asked for a better dog.

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On 10/18/2019 at 7:15 AM, KayC said:

I hope the naysayers are wrong...I just can't help but feel God is too smart to waste such a precious spirit,

They are wrong; God would never deny such generous, loving souls.

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Kay, I am really concerned about those bites.  What did the doctor say?  Are they infected? 

What a trauma for all of you, including this poor dog.  Yes, he needs a behavioral specialist if he is to have any chance at a life.  Otherwise, well, I hate to think about that.  Whatever causes his biting is not his fault, but he obviously can't be trusted and that is very sad.

I really think you should consider suing in small claims court if only to alert others to this unethical rescue group.  But I suspect that would simply be more emotional pain for you.  Whatever you decide, make sure everyone you know hears about what happened.

Take care of yourself, please.  We worry and care about you.

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Oh my gosh, I have caught up on everything. I AM SO sorry to hear about that poor little dog and that those people lied so much about him and his behavior (obviously.) 

It brought me back to us getting a cat a few weeks before we got the one we have now. She was just way to wild for us. This cat needed kids and maybe to be outdoors. She ran and jumped all over us and it was the first night. I think we had her about 2 days. I cried all the way back to the pet rescue to give her back. I felt so guilty and it was just one more trauma in my awful experience. 

So, what you've dealt with is obviously on a whole different level but I get it. There is the right dog out there for you. You said it. Nothing will replace Arlie. I love our sweet little kitty we have now. She's so great, but she is no replacement - which is good really. I don't want to have a replacement because it doesn't exist.   

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@foreverhis

My bites are healing, just finished the antibiotic last night, it was a precaution as it wasn't infected, hope I don't get repercussions from the antibiotic, they're terrible on our gut and can cause so many after effects that can be hard to deal with.

Stalker still bothering me, got a letter from him yesterday, unsigned, no return address but it's him.  I'm so angry about his utter disregard for my boundaries.  Talked to the manager at the senior site about him yesterday but couldn't go in person as we had a huge windstorm.  Will share the letter with her as well as my thoughts about it.

Have been worried about you as I see the fire on the news...are you okay/safe?  

@AJWCat

Am glad to hear from you.  Yes this whole ordeal was not what I needed.  Missing Arlie so much, am taking a break from looking for a dog, may decide not to, am not sure at this point, am in no hurry.  Like you say, nothing will ever replace him, he was my perfect dog and I actively grieve him...Friday will be 11 weeks.  

I don't have it in me to sue right now, am just going through too much at once.  So exhausted from the stress.

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3 hours ago, KayC said:

Stalker still bothering me, got a letter from him yesterday, unsigned, no return address but it's him.

Oh that is so distressing.  I guess some men (probably women too) are just never too old to be creepy and scary.

It makes me incredibly thankful for the men in my life.  Granted most are married and happily so, but still... The few who are divorced have been nothing but kind, helpful, and the same friends they were when my love was alive.  Now I'm not the prettiest girl on the block any more and at my age, but people don't run screaming when I pass by either.  I am a friendly sort though never too flirty, but not a single man has even made an innuendo.  A divorced female neighbor and I were just talking the other day wondering how we got so lucky as to have cluster of truly nice men all gathered in the same block.  However it happened, I am grateful and I think my husband would be too.  He was, of course, the nicest man in the world.

I'm glad your bites are healing.

3 hours ago, KayC said:

Have been worried about you as I see the fire on the news...are you okay/safe?  

Yes, we're fine here except for some smoke drift.  Because there are fires north, south, and southeast of us, we get haze these days no matter which way the winds are blowing, but it's not intolerable.  The closest fire to us is more than 100 miles from us at this point.  My allergies are flaring, but I'm managing.  So far we are not on the PG&E safety blackout list (knock on wood and all that).  If you look at the CA fire map, you'll see this big blank area in the southern-central part of the state.  We're right in the middle of that blank space on the coast.

There's something so reassuring in knowing that everyone here cares about each other so much.

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Hi Kay - best to give yourself time to rest and heal and heal emotionally and physically at this point. For myself, it's not time for me to have another dog and it's been over a year. And you have two years to decide if you have been injured or have been harmed to file any claims. Did you mention a stalker?  

Another fire broke out near my office in Simi Valley and due to high winds has spread and my office was evacuated so I am working in Ventura near home this afternoon. I'd have rather gone home and in fact wanted to turn back this morning during the commute - the winds are ferocious. 

I had already put in for Halloween and the following day off (vacation time). I seem to go through phases with regard to grief and it is so odd! I'm thankful for my home and life as it is though the being alone and doing so much alone sometimes feels unnatural, as if there should be someone there. I think it's a matter of accepting and learning. The many emergencies in California now leave a person feeling anxious and that has happened to me and I will get the hang of this as this is reality. Hope it's not the norm. 

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My little boy, I miss you so much, you were the highlight of my life, everything good!  I see you laying on the couch, smiling, then it fades, you're gone.  How can you be gone?!  I'm left with this pain in my heart.  I cry and there's no one but Kitty to hear me.  I wonder if she understands what's going on.

I'm taking a break from looking for a dog, it seems hopeless, none of them are you.  I always loved big dogs, I can't have one now, I'm getting older.  You were so quiet and yet you "talked" to me and we understood each other, your communication skills were far beyond any dog I've ever known, you had different tones, different sounds for different things.  You were ever smiling, that beautiful smile that stole my heart.  Even when your cancer was advanced and you didn't feel good, you still tried to smile.  I love you, sweet Arlie.  You were my walking partner, it wasn't just a walk, it was an experience!  You loved sniffing and peeing on everything along the way.  You took in all the sights, sounds and enjoyed seeing all life.  My schedule revolved around you.  I cooked for you, took care of you, came home eager to hear your squeal of delight at seeing me!  I loved your greeting, it was so exuberant, no one in my life has ever been so eager to see me, well perhaps my George, but then he always reminded me of a puppy waging its tail.  You delighted in food and I was eager to make you happy!  So much so that I had to put you on a diet, you lost 34 lbs to your goal weight.  I was so proud of you, if only I could make myself do that!  You knew just when I needed a kiss, you'd look at me thoughtfully and give me one, it meant the world to me.  We loved playing games, you laying on my bed, with your arms out straight, eyes serious, straight ahead, then I'd lay my arms out straight right next to yours, and you'd jump to the right, then I, then to the left, me too, then you'd take off running through the house, me right behind you.  We love playing chase through the house, around the middle wall, sometimes turning direction to fool the other, for the object of the game was to catch the other...sometimes you'd win, sometimes I would.  We'd laughingly be spent.  Now I have no one to play such games with.  I remember how you loved playing peek-a-boo with your head in the couch...you thought if your eyes were covered I couldn't see you...I'd ask. "Where's Arlie?"  and you'd grin, you thought you really pulled one over on me!  Then you'd pull your head out and look at me and grin and I'd exclaim, "There he is, peek-a-boo!"  and you'd be so proud of yourself!  Oh my sweet boy, you gave me the best time of my life, I love you with all of my heart.  

No, there'll never be another Arlie.  You are one of a kind, my sweet, funny, goofy boy, I love you with all of my heart.  You cannot just be gone, your spirit is too great to just die, you must be somewhere, wherever you are, I pray you are happy...until we meet again my sweet boy.

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15 hours ago, TAM1 said:

The many emergencies in California now leave a person feeling anxious and that has happened to me and I will get the hang of this as this is reality. Hope it's not the norm.

I can't begin to imagine.  When I was without electricity during the February storm for over eight days, which also meant no water, no communication, cut off from the world as the highway was closed, no plows running, no way to go anywhere because of the snow, it was horrible...but I had my Arlie to go through it with.  That was all before his diagnosis, I still innocently believed life would go on.

To live with them turning off the electricity for God knows how long, leaving food to spoil and can't charge cellphones or laptops, it's unconscionable what this is doing to people.  How do businesses continue and people survive financially?  It all seems ludicrous that this is your way of life for now!  I don't know how I can face another winter upon me.  We had fires close by but they were able to get it under control, for that I am thankful.  I have no idea where I'd go if I had to flee, everyone I know is here except my son and his wife is allergic to my cat and Kitty would be terrified of their dog. 

I pray with you that this is not the norm.

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Thinking of you there with winter approaching - my brother lives in Kennewick, WA, so I know.  There is a constant sense of unease and drama here in California.  The fire in Simi Valley was caused by fire was sparked near a sub-transmission that was energized - Southern California reported this to the utilities late yesterday.  The Getty fire was started by a branch falling on a power line - many of the most deadly fires in the state were caused by the old lines and equipment of PG&E and SCE. 

The place across from me rented out after almost four months to who I was told is a "nice man and his 14-year-old son" who are moving in today.  I got home today and there were two 16-18 year old hairbags with a humongous bong on a card table.  This "kid" has been coming up every night this week with his friends, drinking, getting stoned, and making a lot of noise.  This angered me so I contacted property management and let them know and they came up immediately. I will not accept this as the "norm." 

 

 

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13 hours ago, TAM1 said:

many of the most deadly fires in the state were caused by the old lines and equipment of PG&E and SCE. 

They don't want to spend money to replace old lines and take care of them, they keep trying to bleed more from us w/o putting anything in and then cry when things go like this.  I've lived here 42 years and in all that time the phone company has never replaced the worn out lines.  The lines under my house are cobbed together and barely holding, if an animal brushes by it, you lose connection and they charge you to "fix it", which means they cob it together again.  It is a shame that they run their businesses this way and it affects us.

Gosh, I'm sorry you have these new neighbors.

I am beginning to see that this grief is going to be long term, there is no "getting over it."  I cry over him daily.  I think about that special spot in my backyard where he lays.  I don't know how I'll handle it when it is buried in snow and I can't visit his grave anymore.  :(

 

 

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I'm a bit of a nerd and I track my electricity daily.  I have a spreadsheet with workbooks by month that shows when I cook, etc. and can compare it with my usage.  I turned to the November workbook to enter my usage and I saw the "cooking" marked for today...you see I cooked batches for my dog...it showed up that I was supposed to cook for him today.  My heart felt a stab of pain, as I would love nothing more than to cook for my Arlie.  Will the triggers never quit!

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The triggers don't stop for a looooong time. And we are still triggered even today. My husband actually said, he still hasn't gotten over what happened to our cat 2 summers ago now. 

 

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I'm still having a hard time with my "last bite," I'm so accustomed to giving it to Arlie.  It pains me every time I eat it or stop before eating it.

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Good morning Kay - thinking of you and thought to share the following poem - for you and Arlie. 

I lost a treasured friend today
The little dog who used to lay
His gentle head upon my knee
And shared his silent thoughts with me.

He’ll come no longer to my call
Retrieve no more his favourite ball
A voice far greater than my own
Has called him to his golden throne.

Although my eyes are filled with tears
I thank him for the happy years
He let him spend down here with me
And for his love and loyalty.

When it is time for me to go
And join him there, this much I know
I shall not fear the transient dark
For he will greet me with a bark.

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That is nice to think about...with Arlie it will be a squeal and jumping up on heaven's gate that he'll greet me with.  I can't imitate the sound he made, but it was heaven to my soul.

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And this is how it will be - I believe and envision the same about myself and Missy. 

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Last night I dreamed I had a home invasion/burglary and  Arlie wasn't there to warn or protect me.  This is the first dream I've had in which Arlie was pointedly missing...dead...gone.  It's hard, it's in my subconscious now.  I hate that.

I am feeling vulnerable without him.  Today is three months.  I miss my little boy.

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This has been a really hard day...it started with me discovering some special treats I'd put away for Arlie and hadn't given to him.  Now I never can.  I've spent a fair share of time bawling today, my sister got to deal with it.  :(  Three months, Arlie, and I miss you more than I can say, you are my life and I love you so much!  I just want you home.

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Yesterday I drove the truck for the first time since Arlie's death.  It was hard, I always called it "Arlie's truck" since he loved to go for rides in it.  I gave him rides to the park until the last 1 1/2 weeks when he had no energy and wouldn't have been able to jump up into it.  (One of the rocks I painted for him was of that truck with him in the back end.)

My son mentioned to me that it's not good for it to sit too long and the gas would be going bad, so I finally made myself do it.  I found myself talking to the truck/Arlie as I drove and got pretty choked up.  Checked the oil, washer fluid, filled up on gas, washed the window & mirrors.  It's ready for winter, which I see in the forecast we're getting snow this Monday.

Why does everything have to hurt?  It seems my whole life is affected by Arlie being gone. :(

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Years ago Arlie chewed the trim around the window in his pen, it involved seven boards, some which had some notching.  I just had them replaced today and painted them.  Arlie, you can come back and chew on them if you want!

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On 11/16/2019 at 9:14 PM, KayC said:

This has been a really hard day...it started with me discovering some special treats I'd put away for Arlie and hadn't given to him.  Now I never can.  I've spent a fair share of time bawling today, my sister got to deal with it.  :(  Three months, Arlie, and I miss you more than I can say, you are my life and I love you so much!  I just want you home.

Why does everything have to hurt?  It seems my whole life is affected by Arlie being gone.

Kay:

It is a struggle for us to understand this deep bond we have with our pets.  I’m beginning to think that it is often deeper than any bond we have with humans.  Most of us were raised with the understanding that someday we would strike out on our own to face and deal with life’s challenges without the protection of our mother and father.  Oh, we never stop being parents, but our roles are dramatically changed.  With pets, it is a lifetime commitment.  We need them every bit as much, if not more, as they need us.  When they leave us, we experience months and even years of grieving and guilt the likes of which we’ve never experienced before. 

It is perfectly understandable to me that when you discovered those special treats you never got around to giving Arlie that your day was filled with uncontrollable emotion.  I would have bawled all day myself.

It has been 6 months since Micah’s death and even though I know he’ll never be physically present with me in this life, when I go to bed, I still position Micah’s pillow next to me hoping I’ll wake up next to him.  It remains Micah’s pillow and heaven help the person who dares try to use it.  I’ve even asked my wife to never change or wash the pillowcase.

Thank you for sharing your memories of Arlie.  Sometimes when we are thinking that our grieving is out of control and not normal, along comes someone who is experiencing the same emotions as yourself and gives a confirmation that you are not alone in this process.

 

Blessings,

Steve

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1 hour ago, A.P. Hill said:

Sometimes when we are thinking that our grieving is out of control and not normal, along comes someone who is experiencing the same emotions as yourself and gives a confirmation that you are not alone in this process.

And that helps, it really does, just knowing someone else gets it.  No one will ever replace my Arlie.  I have a special bond with him that even death cannot disrupt.

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It's weird how people expect you to be over it by now, no one mentions him to me, like it's all in the past, yet in my heart I'm still hurting, I will always miss him.  Arlie, you will never be forgotten to me, you touched me for life.

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29 minutes ago, KayC said:

It's weird how people expect you to be over it by now, no one mentions him to me, like it's all in the past, yet in my heart I'm still hurting, I will always miss him.  Arlie, you will never be forgotten to me, you touched me for life.

Oh my dear Kay.  Being alone in your grief is so darn difficult.  I've stopped trying to explain to my own wife many months ago about my loss because I could see that she didn't understand and didn't know how to respond.  I'm not angry about that because there just wasn't the same bond with Micah as I had.  When my emotions can no longer be contained and I'm not alone in the house, I'll go to my office, close the door and let the tears flow.  This forum is my support group.  Just don't know where I'd be without it.

Blessings,

Steve

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Yes, and I appreciate your being here.  It helps having others that get it or feel as I do, helps me to know I'm not alone in this.  I do talk to my sister but always it's me that has to bring it up.  I never even heard from my brother when Arlie died (he knew, it was on Facebook).  He has his wife and five kids so maybe doesn't realize what it's like to have your pet be your companion, your everything in life.  I always had dogs in my life but was alone when I got Arlie...my son got to know him as he stayed with me off and on a few months here or there when he was in college, he totally got it, but my son doesn't live near me now.  And his life goes on, he has his wife, kids, and dog.  I am facing holidays and winter alone.  Last night came the first (albeit unpredicted) snow.

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Thinking of you on Thanksgiving, Arlie...wishing you were here to give some turkey to.  I miss you so much, sweet boy.

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32 minutes ago, KayC said:

Thinking of you on Thanksgiving, Arlie...wishing you were here to give some turkey to.  I miss you so much, sweet boy.

Kay:  That first holiday without your soulmate is difficult.  It's mine too.

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I find myself talking to him.  I know it's crazy but I feel his spirit has to be...somewhere.  I know he's not in his body, I saw it go quiet.  My sweet baby, I am just heartbroken!  23 dogs and cats and I've never felt this bereft before...it's much like losing my husband was.

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1 hour ago, KayC said:

I find myself talking to him.  I know it's crazy but I feel his spirit has to be...somewhere.  I know he's not in his body, I saw it go quiet.  My sweet baby, I am just heartbroken!  23 dogs and cats and I've never felt this bereft before...it's much like losing my husband was.

Kay:

If this makes you crazy, I'm right along side of you.  I do the same thing.  With the loss of Arlie that is so devastating and crippling, you have just got to believe that death is not the final chapter.

Blessings,

Steve

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Kay - it has not been that long since Arlie passed and not near enough time to fully understand this or get a sense of things. Arlie is there and talking to him is normal - there will be times when you will sense his presence as I have with Missy. Thankfully have been home a few days so redid my special spaces and put away things that don't fit in or help my home be a healing space and Missy will forever be a part of my life and home(s). The top of the sewing machine will become more festive and even when she was with me, her photos were there. Though I've had other pets, even Molly, she touched my life the most as the greatest friend and companion ever. 

 

IMG-6284.JPG

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A Veteran's Christmas should have come with a warning...she got her dog back, I didn't.  It left me in tears.  Arlie would be so happy to see me again.  :(

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Thank you all for responding, this is a hard day.  Tam, your Missy looks a lot like my Arlie, beautiful sweet dogs.  I looked at pictures of Goberians today (Siberian Husky/Golden Retriever), none of them looked like Arlie though, I guess he was one of a kind.  I have never grieved like this over an animal, not this long, not this hard, it's been 3 1/2 months and I miss him more than I can express.  The best boy that ever lived.  He just has to be in heaven when I get there.  All of our animals do.

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This states perfectly how I feel...

I Only Wanted You

They say memories are golden
well maybe that is true.
I never wanted memories,
I only wanted you.

A million times I needed you,
a million times I cried.
If love alone could have saved you,
you never would have died.

In life I loved you dearly,
In death I love you still.
In my heart you hold a place
no one could ever fill.

If tears could build a stairway
and heartache make a lane,
I’d walk the path to heaven
and bring you back again.

Our family chain is broken,
and nothing seems the same.
But as God calls us one by one,
the chain will link again.
 

Author unknown

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3 hours ago, KayC said:

This states perfectly how I feel...

I Only Wanted You

They say memories are golden
well maybe that is true.
I never wanted memories,
I only wanted you.

A million times I needed you,
a million times I cried.
If love alone could have saved you,
you never would have died.

In life I loved you dearly,
In death I love you still.
In my heart you hold a place
no one could ever fill.

If tears could build a stairway
and heartache make a lane,
I’d walk the path to heaven
and bring you back again.

Our family chain is broken,
and nothing seems the same.
But as God calls us one by one,
the chain will link again.
 

Author unknown

That's beautiful, Kay! :sad: That's exactly how I feel as well. Thanks for sharing this.

No dog will ever replace your sweet Arlie, but I just know you will find another special dog some day, Kay. When the time is right, it will happen.

 

On 11/30/2019 at 2:35 PM, TAM1 said:

Kay - it has not been that long since Arlie passed and not near enough time to fully understand this or get a sense of things. Arlie is there and talking to him is normal - there will be times when you will sense his presence as I have with Missy. Thankfully have been home a few days so redid my special spaces and put away things that don't fit in or help my home be a healing space and Missy will forever be a part of my life and home(s). The top of the sewing machine will become more festive and even when she was with me, her photos were there. Though I've had other pets, even Molly, she touched my life the most as the greatest friend and companion ever. 

 

IMG-6284.JPG

Missy is such a beautiful dog, Tam1. And I love the special space you've created for her. 

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Kay,

I know your pain. I miss my old girl still, it's been 1 year 2 months. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about her,that I don't miss her. Things don't seem right without her. I have had may pets too, never been without one in my life. I believe that in our lives we find that special one. The one we have THAT bond with. My girl was 15 years 7 months when she passed, I only really thought about the end when she first got sick at almost 15 (never been ill before). I knew it was going to hurt me. Understandably. But I didn't understand fully until it happened. In a way I felt relief because she wasn't suffering anymore, but she was gone. A part of me truly went with her. It has been over a year, I feel like I should be "over it", if those around me knew I still felt this way they would tell me that. But how can we let go? The loss of my old girl is still so raw. I have had many other animals before, and the loss has been sad and devastating each and every time. But the loss of my old girl, my Frank, is something different. It's like she's gone but she's not. If that makes sense?

Arlie is your special one, as Frank is mine. I still say goodbye to her when I leave the house. I also have never grieved for a pet in this way. In a way it may seem weird. But I think it just means I loved her, I miss her. Nothing wrong with that.

I hope you're okay.

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3 hours ago, JellyBean04 said:

In a way I felt relief because she wasn't suffering anymore

I felt relieved that Arlie wasn't suffering anymore either, I finally slept all night.  But oh God, the pain!  I felt I had taken on HIS pain for my own now.  My heart is not right.  I wonder if he misses me or thinks of me where he is.  I know he's gone to a happy place and I'm glad for him.  But oh God it's hard living without him here in my life!

3 hours ago, JellyBean04 said:

I feel like I should be "over it", if those around me knew I still felt this way they would tell me that.

I'll never be "over it" or "over him," that just won't happen, he's part of me, and part of me is missing.  I know no pain like the pain of grief!  I'd rather a physical pain than this!  I know he wouldn't want me hurting but I know of know way to stop that.

3 hours ago, JellyBean04 said:

In a way it may seem weird.

Only to those who haven't had this bond.  Arlie was my special one, my soulmate in a dog.  He knew everything about me, he made me his study.  He got so excited when I'd come home, he'd jump up on the gate and give these happy squeals!  I've never heard another sound like that.  I love that dog with everything within me.

3 hours ago, JellyBean04 said:

But I think it just means I loved her, I miss her. Nothing wrong with that.

No, nothing wrong with that at all.  I'm kind of in that transitory state where sometimes I smile at memories but much of the time I am pained because it's a reminder that he's gone.  :(

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KayC I don't know how things work - in this universe - but if I dog can think of his owner, Arlie thinks of you for sure, and happily, without pain or suffering, only how wonderful life was together with you at your home. And, he would definitely not like to see you so sad.

I remember how much you coached me to try to find joy in the smallest of things when I told you dark everything seemed. I fought that so much. I didn't want to find any joy, I didn't even want to look for it because I was so sad. That took some time to allow. 

Even the other day I started thinking about losing my cat and everything that happened and it breaks my heart all over again. 

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I still practice looking for and embracing joy in the moment, but that doesn't mean you don't get hit with immense pain/grief/sadness too.  I'm not crying as much on the outside but I sure am on the inside.  People keep asking me if I'm getting another dog, I don't know the answer to that.  No one will ever be like my Arlie, he's the love of my life, along with my husband that passed almost 15 years ago.

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Oh that is true. You've had so many pets over the years. I believe when it's right, if it's meant to be, you'll meet the right one at the right time. Getting the cat we have now was actually very sad for me. It was just a reminder that our other guy was gone even though I was so glad to save this little sweet kitty from the shelter. She'd been there 30 days and apparently didn't take to anyone who tried to engage her. She took to my husband right away though and he picked her.

I am very damaged from losing my other cat still. I am terrified of loss now. 

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Look what my son is bringing me tonight!  I prayed Arlie would guide him to the right one.

Klee Kai Alaskan Nanook.jpg

Paul & Pup.jpg

Pup & Bruno.jpg

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Awwwwww! Too cute, Kay! Wishing you all the best with him/her! 

 

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