Had time dealing with mothers death

[Mccloud]

Hi my name is Brandy I’m 28 year old mom of 3 and step mom of 2. I recently lost my mom in May. My mom lived kinda far away from me about 8 hour drive for the past 6 years with her fiancé. She got sick with flu and all of sudden didn’t get better. It turned out to be small cell carcinoma. For those that don’t know that is a rapid spreading cancer and normal spreads prior to being detected. She had already had leukemia 27 years ago and had been in remission for about 24 years. The day after she got diagnosed this time she began chemo the next day. I was able to literally stop all of my life at home and pack up the night she got diagnosed and able to get there. Her chemo began on a Friday by Monday morning they told me she wasn’t going to make it. I signed the dnr and moved her to hospice center that evening she passed away that Friday. I’m having a really hard time now that I am home dealing with her being gone. Even so far away we text talked on phone or FaceTimed every single day. She has been my best friend sense I was around 14 years old when it was just me and her in a tough situations. She has always been my number one and now that I’m home I can’t seem to get back to normal. I was at her home for 11 days all together and have been home for three weeks now. I can’t really sleep and originally was able to push myself to eat. However the past week ratting is to the point where it literally is just making me sick. I have been doing everything as normal taking care of family, getting them to school and sports and after school activities. I have a husband who has been my number one supporter in this and he has lost a parent as well. However no matter what I’m doing I can’t seem to deal with it. I still go to call her at least 4 times randomly thru out the day because of the weather or something the kids did or anything new I come across. I am trying to get into a grief group in my area now cause I’m just at complete loss. During the whole situation I handled everything completely well because I followed her wishes but now I just have no control and I can’t figure it out. I’m not really sure what I was post to say in my post but I just needed to try and get something out there so maybe I can come up with some kinda solution for me to move on. She never wanted us to be upset whenever she was to pass because she died the first time with cancer got brought back and beat it so she was always saying how she was already on borrowed time and got to raise her family. 

[ModKatB]

I am sorry for your loss. My mom passed away in 2011 and it was difficult for me like it has been for you. My mom lived in Ga and I lived in FL but we talked on the phone and emailed each other all the time. I won't try and tell you that it is going to be easy but I will tell you that as time passes it won't hurt as much. We learn to adapt to not having them near but you still miss them. I wrote something about losing a parent and am adding it here for you to read. It is something to remind you that you will always have part of your mother with you no matter where you are.

 

Remember my child as you look in the mirror each day.
I am right there looking back at you, because I am
a part of you and the person you have become.
While the physical me is not there for you to see,
my spirit is there and I watch over you each and 
every day.
Try and remember all of the good times even though
you miss me.
Take your time with this life and when the time comes
I will be waiting at the gates to welcome you home.  KB

 

 

[Mccloud]

Thank you I know it’s truly never gonna get easier. I just am hoping to at least go back to something normal even if it’s a new normal. It was just so sudden so didn’t really have much time to get much in order or to deal with fact I can’t call her every day. She was actually just about to be moving home to be with all 10 of her grand babies. Think that is what is getting to me the most. When we were trying to get her to home instead of hospice in the state she lived in they asked if she wanted to go home. She told them yes when her fiancé said where home is she corrected him to our original home which is where I still am. Thanks for sharing that.

 

~Brandy~

[tessa]

Hi Brandy,
It's still very new for you. Hang in there, it gets less worst with time. I lost my mother nearly 2 years ago. It took me over a year to get to a place that is as normal as can be.
It was awful for that first year for me. So hang in there, it gets better. With time, other things move in to fill the hole they left behind. But it will never be the same again, just less awful.