At a loss

[Juju0408]

It’s been almost 10 mths for my brother and going on 6 mths for my dad. I accepted my brother passing but not my dad. I miss them both,how my brother would pick on me and tell me what I should be doing, he would call to talk to my daughter just to mess with her, they were really close. I don’t know we’re to start with my dad. I miss everything the hugs, talking to him and even the times were we didn’t have to talk just look at each other and we knew what each other was thinking. I find my self doing a lot of things that my dad  and I did together even my daughter his granddaughter, would jump in and join us.  We would make things out of wood take care of the garden, go camping and fishing. My daughter always caught my fish then her grandpa. I try to do things that we did together just so I can feel close to him again. He was going to come visit us ( We live in a different state) and stay for a couple Mths. I find myself thinking what would we be doing if he was here with us and I just start crying. 

I haven’t accepted my dad passing away a big part of me is still waiting for him to call. I’m angry in so many ways at myself and then man above which I know is wrong. I try to be happy when I remember the good time but I just cry. I try to stay strong for my family and stronger for my daughter. When she’s not looking I brake. I could be cleaning my house find something my dad got me and I start to cry hear his music I cry anything that is his or reminds me of my dad. I know it’s still soon but d___ I just want them back. I am so lost and confused.

I have a good support my husband has been helping me just seeing my daughter happy helps me. I talk to my mom everyday she helps me and I help the best that I can. I am going for help just hope it works. I do talk to my dad and brother all the time I tell them everything that is going on and how I feel. Just wish it was face to face.

[Grief Sucks]

I am sorry for your loss. I lost my brother 12-14-19 and my mom on 01-16-14 so I understand your pain unfortunately. My mom was my best friend too. I could tell her anything. Once she passed, i couldn’t believe it for years. After she died, me and my brother became so close. He ended up being my best friend. Now that he’s gone, I feel so alone. I have 2 kids who I love deeply. I fight everyday for them, but for some reason I’m finding it harder and harder to go on. I wish I had a family. I mean...I do because I have my kids but I just wish I had a parent and/or siblings who I could count on and talk to. Someone who could just say hey daughter or sister, how are you doing today? You know? But anyways, Im glad that you have some sort of support system. Some family members who are still alive. Again, I’m sorry for your losses. It’s very hard and something that many many people don’t understand. But just know there are also many people who do understand. You’re not alone. Keep your head up!