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Feeling Alone


Lonelykt

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There is just so much going on in my head with my loss... I find it hard to explain the almost panic attack I feel in the middle of the night when my guard is down. The feeling of being so alone. I feel I need to explain first... I should start with I'm an only child... And that 7 years ago 2 days before my birthday my mom died very unexpectedly at the age of 55 years old... As I was growing up I was always closer to my Mom but she was those types of mother's that love u but are too damage herself to see the unfair things they say to do to you... So although it was hard and sad I was better at dealing with my mom's death because I had slowly become closer to my dad and was finally having a relationship with him. I miss my mom every day and I know she loved me like no one else but I could be ok. But 8 years of getting closer to my dad left me to finally move (after 16 years of being on the east coast) back to Cali to live an hour away from him. Sadly 8 months of living near him was all I got... He unexpectedly (he was in really good shape just over weight a bit but had been his whole life and was still crazy active) at the age of 70 he died of a heart attack. That one has left me devastated. I know it's only been 2 months and time heals but I put on a good face and some days I really am fine then I just break down. I have trouble being ok with it like I was before. And it's so many reasons... I just felt like we were getting closer, as odd as this sounds I felt like my dad was growing up and finally able to open up, really talk to me and show me how he thinks and cares and then he's gone. But it's more than just that... I know I have a child of my own and a husband but I feel like I've lost my family... Like so lonely. I can't even grasp that I have no mom or dad. I work with kids at a preschool and when they cry for mom or dad a part of me wants to cry with them... Yeah I want my mom and dad too. It also sucks because over the years the rest of my family pretty much disappeared from my life but my dad always stated in contact and made us be in contact because of him so without him my family doesn't contact me and its like I lost them too. It's hard to feel so alone and I've always felt like I was the only person no one understood in my family but my mom and dad did and always went to great measures to keep me in their life and even with any faults they loved me more than anyone else in their lives and I lost them both. It makes a girl feel alone at times. Thanks for reading.

 

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Dear Lonelykt,

I am so sorry for your loss. Please know what you are saying and feeling is completely natural and normal. No matter how old we are, we all need our parents. I had one lady in her  70s in my grief group and she too struggled with losing her mother. Please know you are not alone in your thoughts and feelings. I think feeling lonely is very common and difficult to work through.

We are all in this together and please know you can talk things out with us.

Thinking of you.

 

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KitchyBitty

Lonelykt, I lost my father a little over a year ago (he was 75 and became ill and died 5 months later - just like that), and my mother died in 2000 at the age of 55. I, too, was closer to my mom, and was just beginning to have a closer relationship with my dad when he was taken.

When my mom passed, I was 25 years old with young children at home. I still needed my mom! I had one aunt who really reached out to me after my mother died and tried to be there, knowing it's what she would want for her only daughter when she died. That aunt died suddenly two years after my mother. My aunt was 55 too. It just doesn't seem fair at all.

Even though I was closer to my mom, I had an easier time with her passing. I was married at the time, with kids at home, and it kept me busy. I had a spouse to talk to at the end of the day. Now, I'm divorced and my daughters have moved out. I feel very alone. I have friends and family who are supportive but I still feel very depressed and it just doesn't seem to be getting better.

Please know that you're not the only one who feels alone, and I am thinking of you. Being an adult orphan really sucks and makes you feel "lost." I don't know about you, but I think about my own death all the time now that both of my parents are gone. I hate that my daughters are going to have to deal with this. :(

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