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my best friend was murdered by his partner who had also been a close friend of me until he had a psychotic break and deteriorated into a monster.

some days i feel like hes still here and i can get through the day. somedays all i can do is cry and try to find meaning in anything, and try to live the way he'd want me to, and just exist my way through the day and hope he knew just how much he meant to me. 

and the monster sits in prison and i have never hated someone so much in my life and yet been so sad for who he used to be. i lost two friends. 

and i know more than i wish i did about what was done to my friend. its been almost 3 months. and i dont know how to do this without him., I always thought i could get through anything because i knew i had him to fall back on. and hes gone. and it was horrible for him. and he was the best person and he suffered so muchat the end and i should have been there. 

and i just wish the court **** would vbe over and a sentence declared and the monster ccould be locked away to rot and be forgotten.

not quite 3 years ago my boyfriend died of an overdose, then 2 more close friends died the same way. and now this. and im terrified of who i'll lose next and im trying but days like today i dont know how to do this. 

i need anything anyone can offer. the previous losses were bad enough and i handled so badly and im trying not to go the same route with this but its so beyond anything ive experienced or ever thought could happen in my life. and i just cant wrap my head around it it just cant be real. and i cant get the images out of my head.

it hurts so much


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Dear Mica.

I am so sorry for all the pain and sorrow you have gone through in your life. It is hard to lose so many close friends.

Please know we are all thinking of you. And if you want to there are many resources in the community and through church that could support you during this sad and difficult time.

Sending all my thoughts and prayers.

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Reader, thank you for your response. ❤️

I'm hoping to eventually find some sort of grief group  I can do 'in real life' that I can get to but haven't had any luck yet

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