Members Danni F Posted May 25, 2019 Members Report Share Posted May 25, 2019 In September 2017 my mum was diagnosed with lung cancer. As terrible as the news was, she kept a glimmer of hope that they could take one of her lungs and she could survive it. Not even a month later she got admitted to hospital with phenomena the same day she went for a CT scan. The next day, they told us they had found multiple tumours in her brain, and our worst fears came true. Stage 4, incurable cancer. My mum had opted not to have cancer treatment as they had told her that her survival rate even with treatment was little time. She didn’t want her grandchildren to remember her not as herself if she had chosen treatment. December 2017, my mum passed away with us all by her side in our home. Since her passing, I don’t know how to deal with such a massive loss. I bottle everything up to the point it has cost me my relationship. I find it hard to not only visit my mums grave, but I can’t bring myself to look at pictures of her. I’ve done everything from memorial bears, to getting a tattoo to try and keep her memory alive, but still I haven’t grieved. I literally feel nothing, there’s days I do break down and speak to her as if she was here, but I avoid the breakdowns as hard as I can. I hate opening up to people especially family but I need to learn how and I guess I’m just hoping having this forum will help me. There’s days I feel like I can’t go on anymore, that I would rather be gone from this world just so I could see my mum again. She was my entire life and I can’t imagine my future without her in it. Everything I do, I criticise myself am I doing it the way she would have wanted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members reader Posted May 26, 2019 Members Report Share Posted May 26, 2019 Dear Danni, I am so sorry for your loss. Please know there is no right way or wrong way to grieve or mourn your mum. It is different for all of us. Be as kind and gentle with yourself as possible. Grief is a long journey with many ups and downs. Me, too. I had a hard time talking about my sadness and confusion and anger. This forum provided a tremendous amount of support to me. But to also understand my grief I found these websites helpful as well. What's Your Grief Grief in Common Grief Healing Blog We are all with you and know you can express yourself safely here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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