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My cat died so young. How do I come to terms with this?


KaylaMarie326

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KaylaMarie326

Yesterday I had to put my cat, Oliver, down just one month before his third birthday. I'm feeling such overwhelming grief and disbelief that it is hard to process. The worst part is that he died so young. I don't know how to come to terms with it or make sense of it.

I adopted him when he was 3 months old with his sister and litter mate, Lily. He was the happiest, sweetest, most playful little cat, however, he started having some health issues at a young again. When he was a year old he developed urinary crystals which is very unusual in a young cat and they recurred again a year later and he got put on a special diet long term to prevent them. Other than that though he seemed healthy and was always very playful and active. He always seemed like a kitten at heart.

Then a couple of weeks ago he suddenly started eating less than usual and seemed less active than usual. I debated all week whether or not he needed a visit to the vet because he was still eating a decent amount so I wasn't sure it was too concerning. By the end of the week though he started eating less and less and seemed more lethargic. I finally took him into the vet and they ran blood work and I got the most painful news - that he had severe anemia and would need to be hospitalized and given a blood transfusion.

The vet determined that his body was breaking down his own blood cells but they couldn't identify a cause as he tested negative for every disease they checked including FIV and nothing came up on xrays or ultrasounds. He also had retinal hemorrhaging and had developed signs that there was something going on with his nervous system. He was hospitalized in intensive care and given a blood transfusion. At first he wasn't responding to treatment but then started to do better and was able to be discharged.

When I brought him home he seemed to be doing ok the first day but seemed weak and wasn't the same cat. Still I hoped he would continue to improve on the medications he was prescribed. The next day though he seemed weaker and barely ate. I brought him back to the animal hospital and they told me his red blood count had dropped again and he would need to be rehospitalized and have another blood transfusion. Unfortunately he didn't respond to treatment this time and just got weaker and weaker. The vet said at that point the best thing would be to put him down because he was suffering and there was really nothing more that could be done to help him. They still were not sure what was causing him to be so sick but they believe he had some kind of genetic disorder that was causing his immune system to attack his body.

I made the decision to put him down that afternoon. When I saw him he was so weak that he didn't even seem to recognize me. He died in my arms within seconds after the vet administered the medication.

Now I just feel completely devastated. It happened so sudden. I was expecting to have so many more years with my cat. I keep asking myself why this had to happen. I keep feeling like I failed him in some way because he died so young even though I did everything I could until there was nothing more that could be done. I also feel guilt for not bringing him to the vet sooner when he started eating less and wonder if that would have changed the outcome although the vet said he probably would have declined the way he did no matter what.

I have never lost a loved one before and the pain is so unbearable. I have a 12 year old dog and I expected that she would be the first one to pass, not my 2 year old cat.

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Dear KaylaMarie,

I am very sorry for your loss. I know its very hard to lose a beloved pet. It is a terrible shock and it takes time to mourn our loss.

Thinking of you.

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Jack Russell

What a beautiful cat and this is devasting news.  I feel your pain, loosing a precious member of the family is just heartbreaking. This will take time to recover from unfortunately and the fact he was so young makes us analyse over and over if we could of done something differently.  You did all you could for your sweet cat and I'm sure he knows that.  You never know what is round the corner in life and it can be so cruel.  You gave him love and did your best.  Try not to beat yourself up, this is part of the grief process.  I kept telling myself I could of done things differently when I lost my beautiful Kelly.  Be kind to yourself you did all you could.  Thinking of you.

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I am so sorry.  I wish I knew something that would make you feel better but alas at the end of the day you're still missing your cat.  That she was only two just seems so unfair.  If it helps any, she doesn't know any different, it was like going to sleep for her.  From everything I've gathered, crossing over to the other side is pleasant and they aren't in any pain any longer.  The intensity of pain we go through in grief lessens eventually as we begin to adjust to the changes it means for our lives, but it takes time for it to sink in, the beginning is the hardest.  Try to be very patient and understanding of yourself, early grief is like trauma.

Your vet is right, how soon you caught it wouldn't change the outcome in this case, I'm afraid.  You did everything you could and were with her at the end.  I'm sorry, your sweet beautiful kitten.  Sending you hopes for comfort and peace.

Her sister may be grieving as well...I want to give you this article and hope it is of help to you.  https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2018/06/pet-loss-supporting-your-grieving-pet.html

I like to imagine it to be something like this:

 

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I am SO SO sorry to read this. It is not fair to lose your sweet kitty so young. My newest one is just 3 now and I could not imagine dealing with another loss. There are no easy answers as to why this happened (why do kids get cancer right?) AND you did all you could. There are just no good explanations. I wish I could somehow take away your pain I know how it is. All you can do is give yourself time and although gone way too soon... try to remember you gave him a good life with you and you were there at the end. :(   

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I just went through this exact thing with my baby Cairo. He was almost 2 and within 24 hours of acting a little tired to being in an ER vet with no chance of survival and went blind in 4 hours. I’m so heartbroken. I have 2 other cats and 2 dogs but I bonded so much with him that I have been crying to the point of dehydration. Same test outcome, but he was so anemic they said even a transfusion would be but just a tiny bandaid to something they couldn’t explain and know he wouldn’t survive. I don’t know how to handle this, and I think it’s because he was so young. And maybe he had something genetically wrong but I’ll never know. Did I miss other warning signs? Ive come to accept that this wasn’t something I could have stopped but my heart hurts so much. 
 

and the thing is, my little buddy looked almost identical to yours. Am I cursed when it comes to orange males? My first one died at 6ish to cancer. The cat he was so close to... I think she knew something was wrong but she may be starting to look for him. I’m making sure she eats and drinks and giving her extra attention, but I just hold her and cry. He was so perfect for this family, and since every cat is different. I don’t know if getting another one when my heart is ready... is even right. Would she reject him? I’m scared to find out 

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I’m  not sure Why his picture is upside down 

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There you go!  

I have heard it said that the orange tabbys are the best...I only had a feral one that was this color, named him peekaboo, but he was an outdoor cat. 

Your kitty is beautiful and looks very sweet.  I am so sorry for your loss.

upsidedown cat.jpeg

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Mint_tea_cup

I just had the exact same thing happen with my cat, Dora. I adopted her in the coronavirus pandemic, June 2020. She was the sweetest cat I ever had, she would sit in my lap almost every morning while I worked. Then in March 2021 her health took a turn, lost weight, was not eating. I took her to the vet and they gave her antibiotics and a dewormer, but that didn't help and then suddenly this past week her health took a turn. Ended up rushing to the vet and had to put her down. They think she had some sort of autoimmune disease. She was 1yr old in February. I've lost pets before, but not like this. Not so young. And since we spent so much time together in one of the most difficult years of my life, I feel very lost. I keep looking around thinking she should be here with me. My only consolation is that at least she is no longer suffering, and that I did my best to love her and give her a good life. I buried her next to patch of blooming forsythia....I found comfort in this thread, because I felt like I failed her. It feels better to know that other owners have also gone through this heartbreak.

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My heart breaks for you, I am so sorry you lost her so young.  It's not your fault, it would be something she was born with, and I hope you take great consolation in knowing you gave her a good home and lots of love.  It's so sad.  It's not fair.  My husband died way too young, suddenly/unexpectedly, it took me years to process it & adjust to the changes it meant for my life, I know how you feel...gypped.  My only consolation is the hope we have of being reunited.  Last year I lost 25 year old Kitty and my "soulmate in a dog," Arlie.  He was my companion all these years.  I got Kitty at 12 and never dreamed she'd live so long, but being as she did, I honestly thought she'd live forever as she always had, but instead it caught me off guard, she went downhill really fast, kidneys & liver failed, thyroid too.  I miss her.  She was crotchety but she was MINE and I loved her.

There are no words adequate for the loss you are feeling but I want to send you thoughts and prayers all the same and hope this short video gives you comfort and peace...

 

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I’m sorry for your loss. Just a couple days ago I had to put down milo my cat who was only 2. He was having breathing problems but we thought he was just struggling to digest food or something but it was a day or 2 later where we got concerned because he looked like he lost all his energy. So we decided to take him to the vet and that’s when I found the bad news. The vet said he had lung cancer and the tumor was very big/ plus all the fluid had nearly filled his lungs. He said he was dying and there’s nothing we can do other than put him down. I was shocked, tears rolling down my face. My head was full of emotions that I should have questioned the vet more and more about his life. But I couldn’t. He was a gentle calm wonderful mature cat for his age and I can’t believe I didn’t try harder to save him. I just cried and agreed to what the vet was saying. I’m sorry milo for not trying as much as I could. Please if anyone is a experienced vet can you give me your email so I can send you the X-ray of his body. I feel like they were quick to Say he is gonna die so put him to sleep. Could you see if they where right? 

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So sorry @Adam567123 for your loss of sweet Milo. 

At this point, I wouldn't worry about a second opinion at this point, it's probably not all that different and honestly, I don't know if it would help you. You did what you thought was best at the time. He was having breathing issues. It's tragic to have lost him so soon. After time, you will find some peace even though it doesn't feel that way.  

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This was the first thing I clicked on after google searching losing my cat young. 
today we unexpectedly had to put our 4 year old cat to rest. He was sick out of nowhere and there was no recovery. 
the pain of losing him and yours so young is so unexplainable.

 

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I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Kitty, it's so unfair!  I lost my husband all too young, nearly 17 years ago, suddenly/unexpectedly, nothing fair about it.  Since then I can't count how many pets, friends, family members I've lost.  I wish more than anything you could have him back, I'm sure it feels very unreal.

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

 

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Jaspurrs Mama

Hello. Thank you so much for posting. I’m going through the same thing right now. And what’s weird is that I also have an orange tabby, just like you and someone below. He was also almost 3 years old. When I scrolled down and saw the picture of yours my heart broke. 
Jaspurr was our baby boy. We fostered him just 11 months ago to this day, and he came to us with an eye injury, maybe feline herpes or something else, but nothing life threatening, we thought. He was the most loving, cuddly cat you have ever met. All he wanted to do was crawl up into our laps. I have never become so attached to somebody so quickly. He was an indoor/outdoor cat, and everyone who ever met him, whether they liked cats or not, absolutely adored Jaspurr. He was the sweetest, most magical boy.

Last Sunday morning, on Mother’s Day, he didn’t wake me up to eat. I fed him, and he ate it without issue. Monday morning he didn’t wake us up, nor was he interested in food. We also saw he didn’t finish his food from the night before. I called the vet and she told me to immediately take him the ER. We admitted him and seemed to be doing so much better the next day, and they had sedated him to check for cancer which they ruled out, but they couldn’t figure out why his bilirubin level was so elevated It’s connected to his liver so they wanted to sample his liver and gallbladder tissue. While he went under yesterday morning, and after they had collected the samples, he went into cardiac arrest. They performed CPR and eventually he was breathing on his own, but he was in the ICU all day yesterday. Finally, because of too much seizure activity we had to call it. Felt inhumane to keep him in a coma for any longer. We put him down last night. I feel like I have a Jaspurr shaped hole in our heart. We will be doing a necropsy because I need to know what happened. The doctor is convinced it is something very serious, of course, but they ruled out cancer, FIV, and feline coronavirus. I hope I get a bit more closure soon, but I understand it may not happen. In the meantime my husband and I feel devastated. It’s 3am and I miss my cuddly boy. I hope you found some peace, and everyone on here who is suffering the same too. 

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I am so sorry, what you are going through no one ever should, life is so damned unfair, and no answers.  When my husband died years ago I asked WHY for the whole first year...I never got any resounding answers, I finally quit asking.

These little guys really worm their way into our hearts.  The hardest loss is those you are most connected to, those you live with, interact with, those who are part of your lives, who love you reciprocally.  And our pet companions are that.

My heart goes out to you in your loss and grief, I know it's hard.  I encourage you to read here and in other recent threads, it helps to read and post.  You and the others here in your recent losses are definitely in my prayers.

 

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Jaspurrs Mama

Thank you KayC. It’s so comforting to know we are not alone. They really do worm their way in! And Jaspurr was so easy to love. The first day we got him, he stuck his paw out of the carrier so I could hold it all the way home. Waking up this morning was hard. 
 

how long did it take for things to feel okay again? I know everyone’s journey with grief is different.

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Hi @Jaspurrs Mama I am so sorry to read about the loss of your sweet boy. Too soon. He's so cute. 

I went through a horrible sudden loss of my cat who got violently sick (years ago now) like your situation - it's very shocking.

One minute nothing is wrong, and the next you're rushing to the vet.

We had our cat for 10 years, he was like our child. So to be honest I was pretty insane with grief for several days... depressed and grieving for several weeks. I finally adopted a little girl kitty about 4 months later and I still cried about my other cat out of guilt and missing him. But still, it helped.

It's a slow process. Be patient with yourself. You're not alone, we all know hard it can be. Especially when it's not expected. :(   

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Jaspurrs Mama

@AJWCat Thank you for your message. He was the cutest, and agree with the sentiment that he felt like our first born child. I'm definitely in the insane with grief period myself. My husband just mentioned filling the cat-shaped hole with maybe another cat at some point and i could see it one day, but for right now it's definitely still so raw. He made the point that there are still many other precious souls just like Jaspurr waiting at the shelter with no home. I'm so sorry that you had to deal with something similar with your cat - agree it's so shocking and devastating. 

Appreciate the reminder that it's slow process. Knowing I'm not alone is helping things today.

 

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I hope you'll read the other thread about this very subject.  Your cat is adorable!  That is so sweet, about him holding his paw through the carrier, really sweet.

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Your husband is right, there are so many cats in need. But, you do need to take your time.

Also... I had to decide that it was the bond I formed with the cat we lost that made me a better person and someone who should share my love not hoard it or keep from another innocent creature who needed me. (Instead of feeling guilty.)

You will know when you feel ready.

In the mean time, the insane with grief stage is awful. If there was only a potion or mantra to get through it... time is the only answer. We learn not to "get over" but how to live without them. 

 

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Hello, 

I know you posted this many years ago. But I am so sorry for your loss. Something similar happened to me a little less than 2 weeks ago. My cat was only 1 year and 3 months when he came down with severe anemia. My partner and I did all we could to figure out what was going on. He was becoming lethargic and having bathroom accidents before I finally took him to the vet. They ran tests, and he came back negative for the common diseases. We thought he might have a blood parasite, so we started him on antibiotics and steroids.. we were contemplating a blood transfusion. And then the same day as a vet check up, when I brought him home and gave him his new antibiotic he started to take a turn for the worse. I called my partner home, because I knew something wasn’t right. We then rushed him up the the hospital and they told us he was dying. 
he wasn’t able to fully receive the euthanasia before he went. 

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I am so sorry...my cat, King George, also had incontinence issues, had to live outside on the patio the last two years, had him in a small doghouse with a heating pad...had taken him to the vet a couple of times over his sinus issues but not until the third time (second opinion) did I learn he had cancer and felt 1,000 times worse than any head cold, I had him put to sleep immediately, he was 19.  I was very upset that the ER place hadn't caught it!  He suffered needlessly that last month for nothing!

I am so sorry for your loss.  
Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

 

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My cat died yesterday or maybe day before yesterday, he usually roams and come back home but this one time he went missing for 3 days and we finally found him on the third day but he was deceased, thing is he was only 9 months old we adopted him when he was 2 months of age, I feel miserable and very guilty to let him out. I miss my baby yuki so much i dont know what to do we were supposed to bury him but someone stole his body in the middle of the night and my heart just could not take it we couldn’t even say goodbye to him.

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Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!  And to learn someone STOLE his body!!!  I've never heard of such a thing?  Could something have hauled it off (an animal)?  I am sorry you don't even have his body to bury.  I had a cat that went missing June 3, 2016, she never would have left home of her own accord, I put up flyers, posted, etc. asked neighbors to check their garages, searched the property and nearby ones, nothing.  I ordered a grave marker anyway and have it where my other animals are buried in honor of my sweet Miss Mocha.  I figure it was a cougar that got her.

So young to lose your cat, I am just so sorry this happened.

You can rest assured your kitty is at peace now...

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died 17 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

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I can’t believe I’m reading this . Today we put down our beloved cat which had the exact same symptoms as yours and was barely 3 years old. She had severe anaemia, we did blood transfusion twice, every test she did turned negative and right before we decided to run a bone marrow biopsy on her , she had a stroke which the doctor said was the outcome of neurological underlying issues. We never learned what exactly was wrong. It’s so heartbreaking and also because that was me and husbands first ever pet. She was also such a good cat, she’d run to the door to greet us and sit on our lap. Everyone who met her loved her .

Life is unfair and unfortunately not only to humans but to harmless animals too :( it’s devastating

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@Anna3sere

My cat was diagnosed with anemia. I noticed her ears were pale and she was lethargic. She was fine a few days ago.

 

I am so sorry for what has happened to you and your family and to your little angel. 

 

This may sound odd but what brand of food were you giving her?????

 

I'm trying to put the pieces together and figure out what could be the reason. 

 

@Anna3sere

My cat was diagnosed with anemia. I noticed her ears were pale and she was lethargic. She was fine a few days ago.

 

I am so sorry for what has happened to you and your family and to your little angel. 

 

This may sound odd but what brand of food were you giving her?????

 

I'm trying to put the pieces together and figure out what could be the reason. 

 

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