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Mother's Day blues


foreverhis

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foreverhis

I didn't think Mother's Day was going to be so painful for me. 

Last year on Mother's Day, I was working to get my husband moved from the short-term rehab he'd been in for 4 days because he had a fall at home.  They had not been giving proper care and he kept getting worse.  I didn't even mention it was Mother's Day because I didn't want him to feel sadder or more upset than he already did.  He was so sick by Monday morning that I demanded they contact our doctor, who had him sent to the ER.  He was then admitted so ill and confused that his brain literally shut down for a week.  (On a side note:  Anyone know how I can demand the facility give me his records?  I'm thinking about finding a lawyer and filing a formal complaint.  It wouldn't have changed the final outcome, but they made his life more painful and both of our lives harder.  I'm not the sue-happy type, but this has been eating at me on and off for months.)

Anyway, tonight I can't sleep thinking about how we had planned for 2019 to be a fresh start after he had recovered from chemo and surgery.  We had faced and triumphed over many challenges together.  It's inconceivable to me that we didn't get through this one too.  But we didn't and now I don't have my love here for Mother's Day.  He always found the perfect, sweet but not sappy, card and sometimes even bought me a single lavender rose.  He'd make me coffee just how I like it (though he might do that on any given day, not just special ones) and order in from a favorite casual restaurant (even pizza sometimes) because we don't go out much--certainly not on busy days.  He would have called or Skyped our daughter to tell her how proud he is of her and he would have happily "watch me grandpa" when our granddaughter proudly told or showed him something, no matter how silly.  All those little routines, the unique traditions that made us "us" are only in my heart and memory now.

I know our daughter and granddaughter will call tomorrow and they probably sent me a loving card that will arrive Monday because mail here can be slightly slow.  I will cherish that love, but there is such a gaping whole in our family now that my shattered heart breaks a little more each day. 

Thanks for letting me rant a bit.  Maybe now I will be able to sleep.

 

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@foreverhis I didnt expect today to be so hard also....Kevin also made this day special..always a card and little treats from the dogs, flowers on the table.  I got many texts and sent some back but no joy felt today.  My daughter texted me,  one son texted and left card in mailbox, my other son invited me to a cookout, I said no, so he was going to bring a gift to me (30 miles one way) I said no, enjoy your cookout, so he will drop off this week on his lunch hour. They never forget me...its just I wanted to forget today...didnt want to be around all the couples at cookout, didn't want company.  I worked outside,  finally moved Kevins truck from sitting all winter and loaded branches in back.  Its so hard to get in his truck, it still smells like him. The dogs were smelling my legs, like we smell him, but where is he?  So sad...we all would be overjoyed if he walked in the door, but never again and it really hurts extra bad today.  Im sad for us all..thinking of everyone.

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Billie Rae

How my heart breaks for you both.For all of us
Foreverhis,you have the right to all his records,if they refuse contact your attorney General or the nursing home board in your state
I love you both
[emoji8][emoji8]

Sent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app

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foreverhis

@Billie Rae  Thank you.  I will contact the rehab facility by letter with my demand.  If they don't honor it, then I'll contact the ombudsman for our area or the AG's office.

It sounds like you're settling in to your new place.  When you wrote that it gives you "pride, but no joy," it sure struck a nerve.  I'm having projects done that were in the planning or prep phase.  It makes me proud to see his overall vision come to life, but there is no real joy.  That's it exactly.  He would love knowing how beautiful it all is.  His creative design eye made things special.  He was so meticulous with both his own work and regarding the contractors we hired.  One of our contractors even mentioned that he was sorry my love couldn't see the final phase of the yard hard scape that they'd designed together.

You're a treasure.

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I am so sorry your day was so blue...my son invited me to his place last minute and my daughter called me first thing Sunday and rode with me.  I'm exhausted though, this surgery was harder on me than anticipated and my car had problems all day Friday so Sat. I bought a new car, it took from 5 am to end of day, everything is a long ways away so I need something dependable.  Now I'll be broke for six years but at least I can get to my doctor's appts.  I'm tired of being in crisis over a car!

I hope you hear from your kids, maybe in the mail today?  I got the one thing I wanted from them, some time with them.

1 hour ago, foreverhis said:

When you wrote that it gives you "pride, but no joy," it sure struck a nerve. 

I can understand that.

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