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My Only Sibling is Gone


MandiRose

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MandiRose

Hello, everyone.  I am new here.  For some background, since 2012, I've lost many family members; my aunt, my estranged father, my 16-year-old cat, my mom, my mom's 15-year-old cat, my 5-month-old cat (mom and cats in same year), my uncle, and I've now lost my older brother, my only sibling last month.  I lived with my mom my entire life, and my now-husband took care of her until she died from cancer in April 2014.  She was my best friend, as I'm an extreme homebody and it was just me and her for years, then me, her, and my husband.  I kept her in the hospital mentally for about two years after her death because I couldn't handle it any other way.  

My brother didn't handle her death well and was wracked with guilt.  He lives in another state and hardly came in to see her.  He did make it before she passed.  He spiraled into depression and drug use and fatally OD'd last month, a month after turning 39, nine days before Mom's death anniversary and 19 days before my birthday (April sucks for me).  It's just me now from my family and I'm not accepting it.  I can't believe he's gone.  He was in another state, but I KNEW he was in another state and now I don't know where he is.  I'm going to therapy and have been for a while but it seems so different from losing Mom.  Mom was sick.  I knew she was dying and we had goodbyes.  My brother -- the family didn't know he was on drugs.  His wife and daughters knew but we didn't.  Then we get the call and everything just breaks.  No funeral (his wishes), no goodbyes, nothing.  It's breaking my heart and I don't know what to do.  He's my big brother, I've had him all my life.  We loved each other very much.  I'm just lost.  

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Dear MandiRose,

I'm so sorry for all the hurt and pain you have gone through. I know rituals are important in helping us with our loss. I know it was his wish not to have a funeral. But that doesn't mean you can't write him a letter, release some balloons, donate to his favorite charity or put something in your garden to remember him by.

Keeping talking to your therapist. And know there are additional resources in the community through church or supports groups to help you.

Me, too. I spent a lot of time with my family, so I never knew another life. Please don't be hard on yourself and know we are with you.

Thinking of you. Sending my thoughts and prayers.

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