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Anger


Carl383

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My mother recently passed away at the end of March.  Initially I was shocked by it all, the funeral and everything still seem like a blur.  Then it set in that she was gone, I'll never see her again, never talk to her again, etc.  Then a lot of anger seemed to appear.  Not at my mother, or at myself, but at how the rest of her family treated her over the years, and really just the world in general.  I seem to have a short fuse now, and zero patience for things that aren't right or aren't fair.  I feel like my mom got ripped off, she should have lived longer than 67 years old, and my Dad got ripped off as his retirement plans all revolved around living into old age with her and being together.  I think since my mom died, a lot of the pillars in my life that I place a lot of value on, have been shaken, as you can see that no matter what you do in life, it all ends the same for everyone.  

I'm just wondering if anyone else has experienced the same feelings?  There are times when I feel like if someone tried to grab my wallet or push me, I would just beat them into the ground.  I don't know what to do with all this anger.  Sometimes I get short with my wife and kids at home and I don't mean to, but they just try my patience and I have very little tolerance now.  I really don't want to feel like this, but I don't have a magic switch I can just turn off to be happy again.  

Most times I am happy and content with my life, despite what happened with my mom recently.  I know she lived a nice full life, she got to do all the things she wanted to do in life, on her terms, in her own way, and I have zero regrets on how I treated her, I was always good to her and we always had a good relationship.  But it seems like since she died, all of these things that I had buried deep down inside, are just coming up to the top now.  Not really sure why, but that's how I feel.

Anyway, if anyone else has had similar experiences, please share if you are comfortable, as I'd like to hear how others have dealt with this anger stuff.  Maybe it just subsides with time, but I've never had big shock like this before in my life, so I'm not sure what is normal.

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Carl, I relate to this.  My dad recently died after a bout with dementia, but during his sickness I got really angry.  I found, for me, that I was using anger as a way of keeping people away from me, so I could cope and hurt isolated and alone, which is how I have done it most of my life.

The clouds are starting to clear and I can see that my hurt and anger are dissipating, somewhat.  I regret pushing people away now, but luckily for me they have been forgiving.

 

I wish you the best

 

 

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Dear Carl,

Please know how you are feeling is normal and natural part of grief. Losing a beloved parent is very traumatic. We feel cheated and wanted more time with them.

I know its hard to have these feelings. If you feel like it maybe talk to a grief counsellor or consider joining a support group. Many of us feel as you do during this sad and difficult time.

I feel the first year of grief is the hardest. It's very intense. The unfairness of life hits home. There is no fixed timeline for grief so try and be gentle and kind with yourself and those around you.

I found some good articles at these sites to help me with my anger.

Grief in Common

Grief Healing Blog

Take care.

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