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Lost the love of my life

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My name is Alexis. I’m 26 and my boyfriend of 4 years, the absolute love of my life, and the person I was planning on spending the rest of my life with took his life on April 30th. We were planning to getting a house, getting married and having a family. We had it all planned out and when we spoke about we were both so excited. We had plans coming up that he was exited for.

 He was depressed and an alcoholic but promised to try and get sober. I threatened to break up with him about 3 months ago if he didn’t try but I never would have been able to do it. He stopped drinking around me and started seeing a therapist so I thought things were getting better. We found out this therapist got a different job and he would be getting a new therapist. He never ended up going to see them. He was only in therapy for about a month.

I thought he had his drinking under control and we were always having a great time together. He really seemed happy. I found out after he took his life he was still drinking around his friends and when he was home alone. I feel guilty because he was supposed to come over my apartment Monday but I canceled because I was so tired from work. I last spoke to him around 5 on Monday and not at all Tuesday morning because I was so busy with work. He ended up buying a gun Tuesday and taking his life. I never got to talk to him that day or tell him how much I loved him. My whole life is shattered and I don’t know how I’m going to get through. If anyone has anything that has helped them get through this situation please help because I feel like my life is completely over and that I have no future. 

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Dear Alexis,

My deepest sympathies and condolences. I am so sorry for your loss. I know this is a very difficult and sad time. Its very hard. Please know you are not alone and we are with you. There are many supports in the community and in the church. I have attached this link for support groups in your area.


Thinking of you. Sending my thoughts and prayers.



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Sorry for your loss. I lost my boyfriend to suicide as well it has been around 6 months now. 

Anyone special in your life family or friends use them have them around as much as possible even if you feel horrible I found even just sitting in a room with them helped. 

I would also really recommend counselling or therapy. It helped me deal with my emotions and accept that this was out of my control. Understanding that mental health left them in pain for many years and that this outcome was the only way they could find peace helps me a little bit even if that sounds a little twisted. Remembering that the person you love is no longer suffering and is now in peace helped me. You also have to hold onto the good memories and know that they loved you so much. Your love is probably why they continued to live for so many years even with depression. The future yous dreamt together would have been something he really wanted too but maybe at that moment felt like he was holding you back which was the case in the letter my partner left me but if course he was my world and all I wanted for my future. 


Finding something to focus on helps. I went into further education. I had just completed my degree that year and went onto my masters despite struggling with whether I was doing the right thing having a good routine and a reason to get out of the house most days helped me it gave me something else to focus on. 


The most important thing though its to embrace your emotions. Cry when you need to cry. Shout if you need to shout. I've cried in a lot of public places now particularly within the first month. No one else is going to remember you crying and if you're with friends or family they tend to be so supportive and understanding. 

Thinking of what ifs is always painful. Do your best to just shut that thought out when it happens just tell yourself to stop when you're thinking of what if you had of seen him that Monday because it's likely the events would remain the same on Tuesday and you'd probably have different what ifs. You'll only cause yourself more hurt this is something therapy could maybe help you talk through though. 

Live your life knowing you were and are loved. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. It's the most awful feelings I've ever had to deal with but you will learn to be stronger and find your feet again. x



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I am very sorry to hear this. 

That is fucked. You all had a life and now you don't. 

Right now is fucked up and your life doesn't make sense because you had something planned out in your head and now it wont happen.

Ok.... I'm going to tell you something and maybe it's good and maybe it's not good.

"He was depressed and an alcoholic but promised to try and get sober"

But he still killed himself. If you are young, please, hold onto your love. He made this choice before you. Live your life. Find another love.

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