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Only Child who lost my dad


Kld3259

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I’m an only child of parents who divorced when I was a baby.  I’m now 38 & I lost my dad in December of 2017.  My parents despised each other & for many years I had a rocky relationship with my dad.  10 years before he passed, we became very close.  I talked to him every single day, 2, 3, 4 times per day...  He moved to South Carolina & I was in Pennsylvania, but we visited each other every few months.  Then one day, walking out of my son’s hockey game, I got a call from my step-mom.  I knew.  I immediately started crying & saying “no, I’m not ready”, even before answering the phone.  The news that my dad had a heart attack knocked me to my knees.  The rest of the day was a blur.  We rented a car and were in SC in hours (no flights any time soon).  When we got there he was gone, but on life support.  I have always had a strained relationship with my grandmother (dad’s mom), because she abhorred my mother & took it out on me.  She also came to the hospital from NJ, where she announced to everyone, while they were taking his breathing tube out? That my cousin would be devastated because he was more of a father to her, than to me...  she’s a mean spiteful woman...  anyway.. that said.  Step-mom said he wanted to be cremated & made the arrangements.  I was there, but she was his wife & I know she wouldn’t do what he didn’t want.  My dad’s family was so upset about the cremation, they took it out on me & wouldn’t talk to me at the funeral service...still haven’t, a year and a half later...  I’m an only child.  My mom hates my dad, my mom’s family weren’t fans of his, my dad’s family just deserted me & im so alone.  So so so alone.  I talk to my step mom but she is far and she is too broken to be burdened with my crushing grief.  I have to function because I have a husband & 3 kids, but some days I just can’t.  This morning, I have been sitting in a restaurant parking lot, alone, sobbing for an hour and a half.  Are there any other only children grieving?  I have never ever felt so alone and isolated and unimportant....

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im sorry for your loss.

im also an only child and my mum passed on in 2018. my dad has alzheimers and im barely even coping. im estranged from my relatives, have no friends and am pretty much alone.

now im trying to get help for my dad as well, if he goes to a nursing home, i worry about the financial aspects. if we get a domestic helper, there are many things to consider as well

 

so in a way i can feel how you're feeling but if sorry if this triggers - at least you have your own family. im sorry if this hurts you. that was why i hesitated to reply

sometimes i do wish i have my own family to help cope somewhat although i understand that your children needs care as well. guess there's always few sides to a story

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Dear Kid3259,

I'm so sorry for your loss. It is devastating to lose a parent. Please know you are not alone and we are all with you.

I know its hard with family. There are lots of support in the community and in the church. Sometimes people find it helps to talk to a grief counsellor or join a support group.

I also found these websites helpful:

Grief in Common

What's Your Grief

Grief Healing Blog

Grief Share

Grief Recovery Method

Be kind and gentle with yourself. None of us are ever ready to lose a parent. The grief is very raw.

Thinking of you. Sending my thoughts and prayers.

 

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I am also an only child.  My parents were divorced for many years.  I lost both of them within weeks of each other in the last month.  My dad's wife has since stopped all communication with me.  I have made several attempts to communicate with her in person, but it is clear she has no interest.  We had a rather tenuous relationship for 37 years due to her affair with my dad.  I feel like I have lost multiple relationships within a few weeks.  It has been difficult to put closure on my dad's death due to the strained relationship with his wife.  I'm struggling with understanding the why behind her reaction towards because she won't talk to me.  I would rather talk it out and then figure out how to move forward.  She is not my favorite person, but I certainly don't want to leave it hanging this way.  I completely relate to your feelings of being alone, isolated and unimportant.   However, I am going to choose to move forward in a positive manner.  There are so many people in life that have it much worse, so maybe I can help some of them in some way.  

Sending hugs and prayers to you.  You are special.   

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