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Neiann

I found my husband hanging in my closet after coming home to gather things to stay the night at my friends house. We had gotten into an argument that morning over something stupid. He had called my best friend to come and pick me and my kids up. I feel like I should have known something was up cause he had never done that before. When my friend did come to pick us up I couldn’t find him to say goodbye and let him know that despite our problems I still loved him. Afterwards his family treated me and every decision I made like I had nothing but evil intentions. First they forcefully took my stepdaughter (who will always be my child in my heart),  and they told the funeral parlor that we had gotten an annulment so I was unable to pick up his ashes without proving that we were married, and that’s just two of the cruel things they did to me after his death making the whole process harder than it should have been. Now I’m faced with a decision of weather or not to cut them off which would be an easy decision if it wasn’t for the fact that I would also be cutting off my daughter whom other then me has never known what a true mothers love was and I don’t want her to feel like I’m abandoning her. Now I’m living with my parents while my other two daughters live with my best friend tell I can get through all this drama and also grieve. Most of the time I just feel so lost.

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reader

Dear Neiann,

My deepest sympathies and condolences. I am so sorry for your loss. I know its an extremely hard time. 

Please consider seeking out additional supports in the community or through church. A support group or talking to a grief counselor might also help.

During this very sad and difficult time continue to lean on you parents and dear friends. Know there are people care and do understand. 

Thinking of you. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.

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SSC

@Neiann I am truly sorry for the loss of your husband.  It breaks my heart.  I too found my husband after he took his life.  It is very traumatic and under the circumstances of non supportive family, it makes things even worse.  I can only tell you what has helped me through this horrible time.  I surround myself with loving family and friends, people who will listen and let you cry.  I found an amazing therapist who specializes in suicide grief.  She has helped me so much.  She has helped with my heavy guilt because like you, my husband and I were having a difficult few days and weren’t really talking.  Writing in a journal about your feelings.  Even if it is just dumping words on paper or it can be letters to your husband.  Make sure you take time for yourself to feel your feelings and be kind to yourself.  

Praying for you and sending you hugs

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Inaniel88

I found my husband hanging in my closet after coming home to gather things to stay the night at my friends house

 

I'm just responding to this, before reading ****. I'm so sorry. That is fucked. 

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Meliss W.

"How do I go on", If only I could tell you how many times I have ask myself that same question!

It is so hard, especially when others cause a bunch of drama that makes your life so much more difficult. You lost your husband, an man you loved. So you had some problems, that doesn't mean you didn't love him, that just means you were two humans who like all humans sometimes had problems. 

His family is grieving and; unfortunately, that can bring out the worst in some people.

Have they ever had an argument or falling out with someone? Would they blame themselves if something tragic happened after - doubtful, and they shouldn't blame you! You are an innocent person who loved their son and had a life with him. You are not to blame for the decision he made, as sad and tragic as it was, it was his decision.

Your step daughter is so bless to have you as her Mom. If you cut off the hurting but hateful in-laws, you will probably lose her. It sound like you love her very much and want to honor your husband by continuing to be part of her life. That is wonderful. Think about it. She lost her Dad so tragically, and you, too, plus her home and siblings. Poor girl. I hope you are strong enough to keep a relationship enough with them that she will have you in her life. But, they may make it impossible. You can only do your best. 

I found my husband too, after I heard the shots. No one knows how that feels unless you have been through it, horrible. It has been a year and three months for me. It has changed my life forever, as I am sure it has yours. My drama was my daughter blaming me, my son who became suicidal after his Dad died,  and my own Dad dying a few months later. I am still so very, very, sad and lonely without my husband, and the loss of my daughter & Dad.  My husband's family abandon me too, after 42 years together. I still struggle and feel lost most of the time. I have no idea where my life goes from here. But from sites like this one, I know I am not going crazy and that all that I am feeling is normal.

So many times I have ask, how do I go on. The answer is, you just do, whether you want to or not. It helps to have others in your life that love and need you. In your case, you have wonderful parents who love you and let you come home, and children who love and need you. Your going to be okay. I tell myself this all the time.

Find an outlet. I write letters to myself, talk to myself, cry/scream in a pillow, go for walks, and try to eat & sleep. Some people swear by exercise, but with bad knees, that trick didn't work out too well for me. Somehow, you are going to have to take care of yourself so that you can have a life again, too. 

I think a lot about that saying, "It is always darkest before the dawn". Don't ever give up in the darkest depths of despair, remember that as long as there is life, there is hope. Cling to hope that there will be better tomorrows. Stay strong and look for blessing to count every day. God Bless you and your family.

 

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