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brooklynnty

Guilt over the loss of my furry bestfriend

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brooklynnty

For the past few months my 13 year old cat had been sleeping often, vomiting, and just all around looking a little different. I took him to the vet dozens of times for multiple issues such as a cyst above his right eye, pus draining from his eyes and nose, and a weird wheezing sound while breathing. They assured me that the cysts were benign, and that his trouble breathing was a upper respiratory infection. He took 3 different antibiotics which did not help. I thought I was pretty much trying everything I could. I even got bloodwork, which turned out completely normal.

 

I also happened to notice a bump on his nose that I did not see before. I took him back to the vet and they decided they wanted to do a procedure to look inside of his nose to see if that was what was causing the difficulty breathing. The wheezing sound was still going on, but I was in talks with the vet to finally get his some help and schedule the procedure this month. Monday night, he started breathing very heavy and panting, looking like he was struggling. I took him to the Emergency Vet and they seen him right away. They wanted to keep him overnight and come up with a plan to do the procedure to check inside of his nose and throat.

 

Unfortunately, as he was under anesthesia, I received a terrible and daunting call from the vet. They found cancer down his entire throat, inside his lungs, and also his liver. My two options were to either put a tracheostomy into his throat, go through chemotherapy and radiation or put him to sleep. I was told that the life expectancy, after treatment, still would only be a few months so I had to make a decision to put him down. I have not been okay since. I have been crying nonstop for days and just feel so sick and guilty.

 

 I looked to these forums to hopefully hear some other pet owners stories because I am really struggling to find happiness in this. I am feeling very down and lonely. I wish I would have taken him to get the procedure sooner, or even called the vet from the minute he started acting different. I am having a hard time accepting my place in this incident. Has anyone else had this feeling of overwhelming guilt and depression? Any and all responses are appreciated. I just need some guidance on how to move on.

 

Signed,

A sad, grieving cat mom. Brooklynn.

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KayC

I am so sorry!  I went through the same thing with my cat, it's been 13 years but I still feel bad whenever I think about the suffering he did needlessly.  He was the best cat in the world, my "greeter", a definite lap cat!  His name was King George (so dubbed because when I married a George I needed to differentiate).  

I'd taken him to an emergency vet out of town as our vet here only comes on Wednesdays, I'm in the country.  They gave me a Rx for antibiotics but when they were done, he still wasn't better so they called in a renewal to my local vet.  When they were done, he wasn't any better.  They'd had me express this gangrenous looking green stuff from his sinuses every day, and I think about the pain he went through, it kills me.  I took him to my local vet who quickly told me he had cancer, it wasn't going to get better.  He said to imagine the worst head cold I'd ever had and multiply it by 1,000 and that's how this cat felt.  I had him put to sleep immediately.  I felt very angry with the original vet that didn't let me stay with him when they examined him and I realize now they gave a cursory glance and didn't spend any time on him.  They never even apologized when I told them later.  My King George deserved better.

I hope you aren't feeling guilty about putting your cat to sleep, it was the kindest thing you could do.  Selfless love is caring more about their comfort than our own loss.  We love them forever and I pray each day that goes by brings you comfort.

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brooklynnty

KayC,

 

Thank you for your kind words to me. I am so terribly sorry for what both you and King George went through. I know I will feel better with each day, which helps, but until that day comes... sometimes its hard to imagine. I know he is in a better place and finally out of suffering. I also want to ask you, did you ever get another pet? If so, how soon, and how did you feel from it? I dont think I will be able to get another cat because he will just never be my Tommy..

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KayC

I had Lucky (dog), Chappy (cat), Miss Mocha (cat).  After Lucky and Chappy were gone I chose Arlie (dog) and eventually Kitty was dumped on me, I promised her a forever home.  None of these replace another, they are all very different.  I eventually lost Miss Mocha too and still miss her.  It's hard losing them, each and every one.  Chappy was my snuggler, he slept on my chest, his head tucked under my chin.  He died by a cougar when I'd only had him a couple of years.  i was Lucky's third home, and to be her forever home, I had her 12 years.  Miss Mocha was living in my garage and I shooed her off a couple of months before I realized she didn't have a home.  I let her in and she was there to stay for 10 1/2 years.  She was so feminine, so beautiful, she had a dainty little meow and she'd blink blink her blue eyes, was very flirtatious with men.  Kitty had been abandoned and dumped so many times in her life!  She's 24 now and doing well.  

No, none would ever be your Tommy.  But if you'd let them in, they'd make their own special place into your heart.  I've always had pets.  I can't imagine life without them.  I got Arlie (dog) a few months after losing Lucky...he's my soul mate in a dog, I can't imagine life without him but he's already exceeded his life expectancy with his 11 years...I know someday I will be facing this with him and I don't know how I'll get through it.  I imagine the same way I got through the loss of my husband...shock, disbelief, then slowly learning to adjust to what it means to my life.  It's hard, we continue to miss those that we love, but eventually thoughts of them bring smiles and comfort instead of pain and tears.  But always we love them and miss them.

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brooklynnty

Thank you for telling me your story about your pets. I am so sorry for the losses that you have experienced, and that you would share that with me. You have helped me a lot with this process, and I thank you for that. I wish you happiness in your life, and good luck with your furry friends! 

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AJWCat

Oh my gosh I love your sweet kitty, I am so sorry for your loss. We lost our 15 yr old cat, a year and a half ago. It was very sudden, although like yours, he had issues, I could see he was losing weight, etc. We went on a long vacation (renting a VRBO) and of course took him, he was like our child. We were having a fun Saturday night, cooking on the BBQ, when suddenly he howled and got violently sick. We found an emergency vet and they thought he had eaten poison (we had no idea how, we never found anything) but everything in him was failing. We still do not know. We ended his suffering within 2 hours of his illness. Needless to say the rest of the "vacation" was a loss. We were devastated.  

So yeah overwhelming guilt and depression, yes. We were in shock - probably like you. I never want to give anyone bad news, but this grief can be profound and it can take a lot of time. Things for me were very dark for several weeks. Eventually you have moments of "normal." But the sadness colored every day for a very long time. Try to be patient. You can't go around, only through it, day by day, learning to accept what happened and live with it.

My heart goes out to you because I know what it is like. If I think of our cat even now, and go back to that night, it can break my heart all over again even though I have mostly just the happy memories of our life with him. You will get there I promise, even though now I realize it does not seem possible. Please let go of the guilt too, it does nothing to change anything except make you feel worse  (cancer is not your fault, it happens) and you gave your kitty a good life with lots of love.   

 

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KayC
12 hours ago, AJWCat said:

You can't go around, only through it, day by day, learning to accept what happened and live with it.

This is absolutely true!  A lot of people try to circumvent their grief, but it can't be done, it'll still be waiting for you when you come to, even many years down the road, it's lurking about and there's no avoiding it.

This does take much time, every relationship is unique and we all grieve in our own way, but the key thing is to allow ourselves our grief, let ourselves experience it, and in so doing, we are processing it, little by little, and eventually begin to adjust to this new normal for our life.  I've heard people say they don't want to adjust, don't want to move forward, as if in so doing it will remove themselves further from their pet, but that is not the case...it's not our pain or grief that binds us to them or proves our love to them...we love them so naturally we grieve, but it's also normal and to be desired not to stay in the same spot forever, life is ever evolving.  We learn to carry them in a different way, in our hearts.  I read an article a few months ago about incorporating those we love in a different way after death, and that's so true.  Before we interacted with them, we held them, enjoyed their company...now we learn to carry them in our hearts and memories.  We honor them, perhaps with a garden or a shadow box, I have memorial stones for mine.  But never are they forgotten or no longer important to us!

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Dee rite

I’m truly sorry for your loss. It is extremely difficult to lose a child and hard to even move on our wonder if things will ever feel better.

some pain does go away with time but your heart will always miss them.

l lost my Macey in November and haven’t even begun to heal and now I am saying goodbye to my Ramsey.  

Coming here just to read I find comfort and love.I hope you find the same.

Wishing much strength during this difficult time.

Dee

 

 

 

 

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cecilmeyer

So sorry for the loss of your kitty we just lost our kitty Petunia. The pain is so hard. You will get through this. Reach out to others and talk about it. It will help you get through it never ever over it. He was a handsome kitty.Just like our Petunia...an orange Tabby

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