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didi768

Guilt over my cat dying on Saturday

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didi768

My 17 yr. old female cat named Marble was put down the day before Easter.  

To start off, one day, about almost 4 weeks ago she stopped being herself, wouldn't eat, had far away look all the time,  stopped licking our hands and stared at things weird.  I saw some pus from one eye which she has never had before but it went away right away.  2 days later she was completely normal again, like nothing ever happened.

Then two weeks ago she started limping on her left back leg.  Took her to vet and she had an abscess on her paw.  I was so relieved that was all it was.  He fixed her up, gave her an ABT shot and oral ABT's but we kept having to bring her back in every other day or so to rebandage her due to it not healing.  We did have her blood checked this time and she had hyperthyroidism, that was it, which explains the extra pee and throwing up. She had started to pee in the garage too, and poop out there.  Noticed her pee started to be excessive in the last year...wondered if maybe she became diabetic. She peed in my closet over a huge down comforter and clothes recently too.  She did use her little box for the most part though.

I feel it's all my fault for not bringing her in when she first started throwing up every day.  I was told cats threw up a lot so thought nothing of it.  I couldn't always tell if she was losing wt. really either until just a few months ago, which the vet said she did...went from 9 lbs to 6. The thyroid lab was borderline but the vet held off on the 2nd blood draw and just started her on a med for that, along with oral antibiotics.  Nothing worked, the pus just never stopped.  She would not eat or drink, she kept hiding and slept constantly. She had to hop due to her little casts so I'm sure with her age, it was just too hard on her.

 We put her down after her 3rd dressing due to it never healing. It was too much for her so we let her go. I've never cried so much in my life.  Today, 4 days later, I finally stopped crying all day but man do we miss her.  I can't stand it. We buried her out back so I feel better that she is nearby.  I couldn't even put away her litterbox or her food dishes.

This guilt and loss are killing me. 

 

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reader

Dear didi,

I'm so sorry for your loss. Please don't blame yourself.  Hindsight is always 20/20. You did the best you could for your beloved cat for 17 years. From everything you said, I know she was loved and that is all any of us can do.

Take your time to grieve. It natural and normal to be raw given you saw her every day.

Please know we are all with you. Thinking of you.

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brooklynnty

Hi DiDi,

I have a very similar situation that happened this weekend. For the past few months my 13 year old cat had been sleeping often, vomiting, and just all around looking a little different. I took him to the vet dozens of times for multiple issues such as a cyst above his right eye, pus draining from his eyes and nose, and a weird wheezing sound while breathing. They assured me that the cysts were benign, and that his trouble breathing was a upper respiratory infection. He took 3 different antibiotics which did not help. I thought I was pretty much trying everything I could. I even got bloodwork, which turned out completely normal.

 

I also happened to notice a bump on his nose that I did not see before. I took him back to the vet and they decided they wanted to do a procedure to look inside of his nose to see if that was what was causing the difficulty breathing. The wheezing sound was still going on, but I was in talks with the vet to finally get his some help and schedule the procedure this month. Monday night, he started breathing very heavy and panting, looking like he was struggling. I took him to the Emergency Vet and they seen him right away. They wanted to keep him overnight and come up with a plan to do the procedure to check inside of his nose and throat.

 

Unfortunately, as he was under anesthesia, I received a terrible and daunting call from the vet. They found cancer down his entire throat, inside his lungs, and also his liver. My two options were to either put a tracheostomy into his throat, go through chemotherapy and radiation or put him to sleep. I was told that the life expectancy, after treatment, still would only be a few months so I had to make a decision to put him down. I have not been okay since. I have been crying nonstop for days and just feel so sick and guilty.

 

My point in writing to you is to say sometimes we have to make difficult decisions in order to make sure our furry friends do not suffer. You are not alone. I looked to these forums to hopefully hear some other pet owners stories because I am really struggling to find happiness in this. I am feeling very down and lonely. I wish I would have taken him to get the procedure sooner, or even called the vet from the minute he started acting different. I am having a hard time accepting my place in this incident.

 

Signed,

A sad, grieving cat mom. Brooklynn.

 

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KayC

I am so sorry for the loss of your cat...I want to assure you that feelings of guilt are common in grief, it doesn't mean we've earned or deserve to feel it though.  You love your cat, did what you could, we expect ourselves to know things we don't, we aren't vets and sometimes even they miss things.

I hope these articles will be of help to you:

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf
https://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/04/pet-loss-guilt-in-wake-of-euthanasia.html

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didi768

Thank you, everyone and Reader, oh my GOSH this must be sooo hard.  I'm so sorry.  We are kind of at the same exact place right now then.  Yesterday I stopped crying after 4 days.  I looked awful, couldn't even leave the house. Do you have a picture of your sweety?  Wish there was a way to talk with you personally :-(  

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AJWCat

Didi, I am so sorry for your loss, I know how incredibly sad you are. I have been there. (Lost my guy kitty a year and a half ago.) I cried for days, I could barely eat, barely sleep... I was in shock and despondent. (My cat got suddenly sick (poison we think) and had to be put to sleep.) Not to mention I had to put him through a bunch of stuff with a cyst on his tail which ended up not even mattering so - it was just a mess and I had a ton of guilt too. 

I really wish I could tell you something that would erase your pain, there is nothing that helps except time. Time heals as cliche as it is. I will say try to let go of the guilt of taking action sooner. Your kitty was older and we don't know what would have happened, it might have given you a little more time but who knows at what price of quality. What we do know for sure is you gave her many wonderful years and a great life,  and hopefully you find comfort in that. I really am so sorry, hang in there.  

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Dee rite

Dear Marbles mum,

I am truly sorry for your loss.

Marbles was treasured by you and very much loved.

It is always hard and as parents to babies who speak a different language it is tough sometimes to know.  Furry babies have strength that we will never know and are able to really hide illness.

wishing you much strength during this time.

Dee

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didi768
On 4/28/2019 at 2:50 PM, Dee rite said:

Dear Marbles mum,

I am truly sorry for your loss.

Marbles was treasured by you and very much loved.

It is always hard and as parents to babies who speak a different language it is tough sometimes to know.  Furry babies have strength that we will never know and are able to really hide illness.

wishing you much strength during this time.

Dee

Thank you so much. Wish cats showed pain better, it would be so helpful.  I am much much better but there are moments.  Her name was Marble with no "s" at the end but your version sounds just as good haha!  Love it.  Thanks again.

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didi768
On 4/27/2019 at 7:56 PM, AJWCat said:

Didi, I am so sorry for your loss, I know how incredibly sad you are. I have been there. (Lost my guy kitty a year and a half ago.) I cried for days, I could barely eat, barely sleep... I was in shock and despondent. (My cat got suddenly sick (poison we think) and had to be put to sleep.) Not to mention I had to put him through a bunch of stuff with a cyst on his tail which ended up not even mattering so - it was just a mess and I had a ton of guilt too. 

I really wish I could tell you something that would erase your pain, there is nothing that helps except time. Time heals as cliche as it is. I will say try to let go of the guilt of taking action sooner. Your kitty was older and we don't know what would have happened, it might have given you a little more time but who knows at what price of quality. What we do know for sure is you gave her many wonderful years and a great life,  and hopefully you find comfort in that. I really am so sorry, hang in there.  

Awe thank you. Suddenly getting sick has to be worse in the fact that you are not prepared at all. So sorry that happened to you.  We knew Marble was about done on this earth...so many signs that month so I'd already cried a ton a month earlier, when we thought she truly was dying (spacing out, no eating/drinking, no licking our hand and not following and staring at whoever was eating a bowl of cereal lol.) Two days later back to her normal self which still puzzles me.) She rallied!!  Then the rest happened with her back paw. I feel so much better but it's so comforting to be in this wonderful group!  Thank you all you GODLY ANGELS of pets!

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AJWCat

Yes, that is a little weird... it's hard to say how energy functions in animals/people. I have heard that same thing with people too - they can rally and then rapidly go down hill. I am glad you found this place - somewhere to get out the sadness with us all who understand.  

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