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A coworker/good friend of mine was murdered by a former coworker that I had briefly dated.

Just for the back story, the murder and I had a brief relationship that lasted a few months and ended just over a year ago. He showed up at my car before I would be starting work, left letters on/in my car, showed up at my house uninvited and eventually ended up slashing the tires of my cars, carving slut into the hood of my car (on a separate occasion), made multiple fake dating profiles, put me on backpage (a prosititute website apparently?) and listed my real info and as a result of that, I had to change my phone number. 

Knowing both the attacker and the victim seems to make things extra hard on me.

The murder made up a ridiculous story to make things look as if it was out of self defensive. Everyone knew this was untrue for multiple reasons and the trial was set.

Although I assumed the truth wouldn’t come out at the trial, I had been holding out hope that attending the trial would give me SOME answers and/or closure. 

Well, the murder committed suicide before the trial came... and now I’m back to being a total basket case, as if this all just happened. I’m jumpy and scared, constantly imagine seeing him lurking around outside of my house, etc.

is it all possible that attending his viewing might be some sort of closure for me? Would seeing him and knowing he’s dead (I KNOW that he is.. I just sometimes lose all logic?) help or hurt me? I only have a few hours to decide and I’m completely torn and feel almost ashamed that I have any desire in going? 

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Dear Lynn,

I am so terribly sorry to hear what you have been through.

I'm sorry no one responded sooner to your post. I hope whatever you decided to do gives you peace.

Please consider talking to a grief counsellor, family therapist or seeking out support in the community or through church.

Thinking of you. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.

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