May will be very hard

[beaniele]

I will turn 65 May 23rd. Roger will not be here to celebrate. I will not celebrate. Also May 28th we were to leave round trip San Francisco on a 3 week cruise to Alaska. We loved cruising and Alaska was our favorite destination.

 

I just needed to reach out. I am not sure how to get through all of this. I know I have no choice but I am so very sad for May.

 

Then our health insurance was through his retirement. I have been paying almost $700 for Dec., Jan. Feb. and March. The company was bought by United Technologies and on April first my insurance was canceled back to the day after Roger died in Nov. After I was told I had coverage as a surviving spouse and made all my payments. I have called and called and been told they are working to resolve the problem.

 

Life just gets harder without him. He was my everything. I tried to keep him healthy but no one rarely comes back from cardiac arrest. I tried, the paramedics tried....

 

I am sorry for all our losses.

 

 

 

Linda

 

 

[JES]

Linda,  such a beautiful picture. You both look so happy and in love.   The special days, birthdays, holidays etc. are so much harder without them.  May 24 is Kevin and mine anniversary.....last year he was in hospital but arranged flowers for me. He always gave me 1 red rose for each year..... this year I will miss my roses and my love.  I guess we manage to get through these days but they bring extra sadness.  Im sorry you are having to deal with insurance now. You should  be eligible for Medicare at age 65yrs. It might not hurt to call social security to ask them.  I hope it all works out for you.  And the cruise, I am very sad for you my dear. Thinking of you and sending love. Jeanne

[EternalFlames]

Sorry for your loss Linda!

This may or may not be right for you, everyone is different, but it might be nice to still go on that cruise to Alaska with a family member or close friend, in memory of your husband. It could be a nice way to honor him and also get a change of scenery.

[KayC]

I love this picture of the two of you together, you can see the love and closeness.

The only thing I celebrated about turning 65 was Medicare...obamacare was over $1200/month and my portion was more than I could afford, so it was great to get coverage that left me enough to buy food.  I wasn't prepared for Medicare to be so different though, deductibles are different for Rx and medical whereas before it'd been combined...and I had to learn how to deal with the Rx coverage and try to stay under the threshold which was something I'd never heard of before.  I finally figured out how to make Medicare work...stay out of the hospital, only take cheap Rxs and do your best to stay healthy!  (Good luck with that, right?!)

Medicare begins the first of May for you, sign up immediately if you haven't already because it can take a good month for them to process.  Call social security to have them take it out.  I signed up for Healthnet a Medicare Advantage Program (Ruby plan) as I have Diabetes.

I agree about the cruise, I hope it pans out that you can do it in his memory.

[Pim]

That picture is alive with love. What a handsome couple!
I am very sorry about the cruise to Alaska. It sounds like a wonderful thing to do.
If at all possible, EternalFlames' suggestion about still doing the cruise, is that an option?

[beaniele]

That picture is alive with love. What a handsome couple!
I am very sorry about the cruise to Alaska. It sounds like a wonderful thing to do.
If at all possible, EternalFlames' suggestion about still doing the cruise, is that an option?

The cruise was very expensive and my sister would not be available in May. Someday I will return to Alaska but not right now.

Linda

[Billie Rae]

Linda,the special days are the toughest.Spoil yourself,perhaps a hot bubble bath,good music or a great book.
That picture of you two is pure love.
Love you
Billie

Sent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app

[JES]

@beaniele  Its so different now without the two incomes, we have to watch other money so much more.  Yes cruises are expensive. Maybe someday you will still be able to take that trip and be able to enjoy it more than now.  Love to you. Jeanne

[JES]

@beaniele  How are you doing?  Thinking of you and sending love. Jeanne

[chincube]

@beaniele

I am so sorry for your lost. I am from a different country so I know nothing of the insurance policies in US, but it sounds very stressful and big hug to you.

But I want to say you are not alone on the birthday drag, mine is coming next week. We were in a long distance relationship so we couldn't get together, but he had planned to make a party with several of our friends at his place to celebrate. Now all I can think of it is, I don't want to be alone, but I don't want to be around friends because none of them seem to have the patience for my grief anymore... 

Sorry that I can't offer much beside you're not alone...

[beaniele]

[mention=412442]beaniele[/mention]  How are you doing?  Thinking of you and sending love. Jeanne

Thank you for your thoughts. I am doing a little better but then, as you know, it gets bad again. I am remodeling some of the house so I can sell it in a year or so. I need to move to new surroundings. Too many memories, everywhere I go. Roger is and was my life, I guess I did not realize just how much until he was gone.

Sending love and kindness to us all. Linda

Linda

[JES]

@beaniele  Glad you are doing abit better and yes, the ups and downs are always there.  Im glad you are keeping busy,  I too seem to do more lately also, my fatigue not quite so bad, or mabbe we just push ourselves as we know things need to get done.  The memories are still painful but Im more accepting that hes not coming back. I look forward to the day we will be united as Im sure you, and all of us do.  Take care my dear, sending you love and hugs.  Jeanne

[beaniele]

I seemed to have relapsed. I am so angry at his family, who seem to have moved on as nothing happened. I try not to let it bother me but it is not working. His brother never bothered to contact me, no text, call or even a card. His wife called but nothing much else. Wanted to get together for lunch but I am not interested. His daughter was excited about going to Tahoe. Excited, it just made me angry, sad. I know I should not feel this way and should not make negative comments but I just can't help it. I just feel like I need to let this go but I am having a hard time doing so. Roger was my life and even in death I feel like I need to protect him.

Linda

[KayC]

It's not the same loss for them as it is for us.  His brother may have felt his wife's overture sufficed for him too, some men are like that, letting the wives do all the reaching out.  It would have been nice had he contacted you, I can't help but wonder how your husband would feel knowing all this.

[beaniele]

It's not the same loss for them as it is for us.  His brother may have felt his wife's overture sufficed for him too, some men are like that, letting the wives do all the reaching out.  It would have been nice had he contacted you, I can't help but wonder how your husband would feel knowing all this.

I think Roger would not be surprised. I did receive an email from his wife today explaining that Clark is not in very good shape and she does all the communication. Roger and I grown apart from them over the years.

Linda

[JES]

@beaniele  Ah..yes everyone seems to move on with their lives...we are left behind in our grief.  They don't have a clue what we are still going through..I don't think its intentional,  they just can't understand.  I find also that one person is usually the one who calls or texts..lot of the wives, or in my case also,  some of the husbands ( Kevins closer friends).  Whichever one is the better communicater is the way it seems.  We cant help our emotions,  they seem to change constantly,  the ups and downs so is ok to feel the way you do.  Thinking of you and sending love. Jeanne

[beaniele]

[mention=412442]beaniele[/mention]  Ah..yes everyone seems to move on with their lives...we are left behind in our grief.  They don't have a clue what we are still going through..I don't think its intentional,  they just can't understand.  I find also that one person is usually the one who calls or texts..lot of the wives, or in my case also,  some of the husbands ( Kevins closer friends).  Whichever one is the better communicater is the way it seems.  We cant help our emotions,  they seem to change constantly,  the ups and downs so is ok to feel the way you do.  Thinking of you and sending love. Jeanne

Thank you.

Linda

[JES]

@beaniele  How are you doing dear?  I know this month especially hard for you.  I hope you are getting your remodeling done and taking it one day at a time and finding ways to help you cope.  Ive been keeping busy, so many things to do alone that have to be done. I hope you got your insurance straight also.  Know that I am thinking of you and sending love. Jeanne

[JES]

@beaniele  I know today is your birthday and a hard day for you...I still want to send birthday wishes and congratulations on being able to get Medicare.  I wish you a moments peace today, thinking of you and sending love. Jeanne

[Billie Rae]

Linda,I hope you had some peace on your birthday.
Happy birthday may the evening be gentle to you.
Love
Billie

Sent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app

[beaniele]

Thanks to everyone. My day was ok. Just spent the day alone as that was what I wanted. Did some errands, ate cake and cried myself to sleep.

Linda

[KayC]

Oh Linda, I'm so sorry that was your birthday, I hope at least the cake was good.  All I wanted on my 65th was Medicare!  I've found it wasn't like having employer insurance, and it's taking me a couple of years to figure it out, I got Healthnet but it seems a little overreaching as an HMO.  I wish I'd stayed with plain Medicare and a supplement.

[Billie Rae]

Oh Linda, I'm so sorry that was your birthday, I hope at least the cake was good.  All I wanted on my 65th was Medicare!  I've found it wasn't like having employer insurance, and it's taking me a couple of years to figure it out, I got Healthnet but it seems a little overreaching as an HMO.  I wish I'd stayed with plain Medicare and a supplement.

That's what all the doctors I've talked to said,just medicare and a supplement,they say the advantage plans and replacement plans are terrible.
Love to you all

Sent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app