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This may sound dumb but in an effort to...exhale? scream? I had to do something constructive during my seperation turned divorce. So, I made a playlist on spotify thats helped me. Childish? maybe, but I needed an outlet and a focus. For reference im 38, married 7 years (technically 8) known her for 9 etc etc. I really and truely hope this liberates someone else!

Ill give you some background so you dont think im just bullshitting and that if someone reads this and finds it helpful that you will pass this on.

Married at 30, went through some rough addiction situations with her at the beggining, moved cross country. Drugs went down and alcohol went up. I made a (non sexual) **** up and went to jail, she forgave me. fast forward a few years and she made a (video sexual) **** up while shitfaced. She stopped drinking and I stopped to support her. Two years after that, almost to the date, she tells me shes not sure she wants to be married anymore. Ok, Im not a perfect person, lets talk. No talking. No warning (that I could see of course). I beg her to talk to me so we can work on it and nothing. She says she wants to be seperated, Ok, Fine, she needs time and space. I move out, she wonders why im leaving? So I say she wanted to be seperated, she takes over her half of the bills begrudgingly. Fast forward a few months she wants a divorce, fine, it hurts but during this time ive felt more like myself than I have in years, maybe it was for the best. The whole thing still hurts mind you. I dedicated the last 8 years of my life to "us". We start the divorce proceedings, no lawyer, weve been keeping up our ends of bills w/o one another for the last 7 months. 8 months in and were finalising the divorce and met for a couple of lunches that went very well. Mid march, after the papers are filed, I find out that shes pregnant. Preggo enough to be having her first ultrasound. Fucking hurray. i feel like she just **** on the last 8 years of our lives. Not one year has gone by and shes with someone else and having a child. 

Should you be someone in a similar or same story know that my heart really and truely goes out to you and youre not alone in your pain. But know this, Youre better. Youre going through this, youre enduring, and you will WILL be OK. Keep Hope, Have Faith and know that whatever pain youre feeling means youre alive just as surely and truely as any joy youve felt in your life. Good with the bad my friend and God go with you sparky! 

Now, this playlist is going to take you from low to high. Listen to all of it, and truely listen.

My heart truely goes out.


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