Members Fmf Posted March 30, 2019 Members Report Share Posted March 30, 2019 Yesterday marked two months since my dad passed away. He was the best dad, I was his little girl, that is until 5 granddaughters took my place. He would do anything for his family and he did whether it was rides to school, picking up a sick kid or just being their biggest fan at whatever activity his granddaughters were involved in. He had a stroke and passed away 3 days later. I titled this didn't have the chance to mourn because the day after my dad died my husband also died (from pancreatic cancer he had only been diagnosed with 3 weeks before). As you.can imagine my world fell apart in those 2 days.My focus became the death of my husband and I have this guilt that I never really had the chance to mourn him or say goodbye. They were both in the hospital- two different ones. I wasn't there at the end for my dad because I was with my husband who was in the ICU. My world has been consumed dealing with the loss of my husband I although I rationaly know its not true I feel its as if my dad became a second thought. I have posted and shared in the loss of partner forum, but felt I guess that I owe my dad his time, for me to share what a great dad he was and that he was and will always be my first love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Nicole-my grief journey Posted March 31, 2019 Members Report Share Posted March 31, 2019 Fmf, My deepest, most hearfelt condolences on the loss of your father and your husband. You have my empathy. Your father sounds like he was a beautiful human being that really was there to experience all the special moments with family. That connection and love is the greatest thing. It’s a life well lived. When the kids grow up and even now, they will always have the feeling and love he gave them in their hearts. His traditions and what he stood for will live on through you. I know that may be too much to think about right now, but I hope it comforts you. In these later months in my grief it is something I feel about my loved ones. Losing them so close to each other must be incredibly hard to process. I lost my brother unexpectedly (he was 41) and then my mom (69) unexpectedly in this last year and I know that I too have feelings about grieving for both. Their deaths were close together and so I know that for me, it’s stacked grief, shock for a while, stress, emotions all over the map and feeling lost. Losing two pillars in my life feels devastating. They were the closest people to me and my entire world. I’m currently reading Joan Didion’s “The Year Of Magical Thinking”. It’s not the easiest thing to try and focus on reading a book while I’m grieving, but I open the book every day and try and read a few pages. She lost her husband and daughter close together. I guess I’m reading it because I don’t really know anyone else in my surroundings that have gone through multiple losses and I am hoping to read that someone else gets what this feels like to have stacked grief, delayed grief, complicated grief, processing the grief, etc... you get the idea. What’s great about sharing on this forum is that we aren’t alone in what we feel. We all share and help each other transorm our losses. I think it’s natural to feel what you feel, bit I hope that you can let go of the guilt that you feel. It took time for me to let go of mine. I knew that logically that I shouldn’t feel guilty and that I did everything I could, but grief is isn’t logical and so I feel whatever comes up, I cry, and I tell myself that I forgive myself and that it’s ok. All of it is ok and our loved ones understand. Their souls know we loved/ love them and we did the best that we could in the time that things happened. Thank you for sharing. I connected to what you wrote. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Fmf Posted March 31, 2019 Author Members Report Share Posted March 31, 2019 @StreamingTheLight I am so sorry to hear of your multiple losses. Thank you so much for responding I really appreciate it. It is so hard to have people understand how you are feeling. Like you said I really don't know anyone who has gone through anything similar. I did look up the book you spoke of- I am more of an audio book person, since I drive a minimum of an hour for work, I guess others must be interested in the book I actually had to place a hold on it. Once again thank you for your kind words and It is nice to know that I am not alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kayla S Posted April 3, 2019 Members Report Share Posted April 3, 2019 My condolences to you and your family. So heartbreaking Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members missing2 Posted April 10, 2019 Members Report Share Posted April 10, 2019 I am deeply sorry for your losses. I lost my parents weeks apart within the last two months. I am an only child. My parents were divorced for many years. My mom died 3 days after a stroke. She had dementia. My dad had end-stage renal failure but eventually fell, broke his back and died 5 days after falling. I had their funerals 2 weeks apart. When my dad died, I suddenly felt as if my mom died a long time ago. I felt like I put her on the back burner. I couldn't feel sad for my dad right away, but the tears wouldn't stop the day of his funeral. I felt like I was crying for both of them. I don't have any siblings, but I have a wonderful son, fiance and many cousins who have since "adopted" me as their cousin sister. My dad was remarried, but his wife ceased communication with me the day after his funeral. This feels like yet another loss to me. I would rather not deal with this type of drama added on to everything else, but I don't feel I have much of a choice. I feel like this is taking away from mourning the loss of both of my parents. I loved both of my parents, and I miss them. It's a little overwhelming at times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Fmf Posted April 10, 2019 Author Members Report Share Posted April 10, 2019 @missing2 I am so sorry for your losses. It’s unimaginal having to go through what you did. 9 hours ago, missing2 said: It's a little overwhelming at times. Forgive me, but I laughed a bit when I read this line. Not because it’s funny but just because well of course it is overwhelming!!! Losing your parents so close together, just like I lost my dad and husband within 24 hours is something no one really can understand or wrap their head around. Your situation is the closest I’ve heard of that’s similar to mine. 9 hours ago, missing2 said: felt like I put her on the back burner. That’s how I felt/feel about my dad. My one comfort in all this is that my husband and dad were very close, I was lucky in that respect. I really believe that my dad died because he somehow knew my husband wasn’t going to make it and that at least I’d know that they were together. I am glad to read that you have family around you to support you and I’m sorry you have some additional drama thrown in something you definitely don’t need. My thoughts and prayers are with you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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