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Too painful for mother to be dating after Dad’s passing


Kmc1992

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 My dad passed away April of last year. We were very close, and I’m still coming to terms with his death.  In a lot of ways I blame myself for his death. A week before his passing, he had complained of chest pain. He had thought it was Pneumonia. I asked him if he would like me to take him to the ER, but he said he didn’t have the money for it. So I asked my mother to make him a doctors appointment.  She didn’t make an appointment, and he passed away from a sudden cardiac arrest.  I feel really guilty for not helping him as much as I could have, and I resent my mother for not getting him help because she didn’t want to pay for it. 

My mom just started to date this newly divorced guy.  She didn’t even tell me about it, I had to read about it and see it posted all over Facebook.  I told her that I was upset about it and my sister felt the same way. We both let her know that we weren’t comfortable with her dating, as we both weren’t completely over dad‘s death. My mother and I were never really close and I have a lot of resentment towards her. I see her as a very cold person. For example, after my dad’s passing she seemed to really enjoy the attention she got as a new window. And that really disturbed me.

I’ve tried very hard to repair our relationship. But I just don’t think I can do so any longer. I know this is wrong, but I went through her text messages. I saw where the guy had apologized that I was upset and she responded with, “I don’t give a **** what she thinks. We’re happy.” I also saw some other stuff where she had been talking badly about my sister and I. There was also all lot of nasty sexual comments and her sending him dirty photos and photos of her lingerie. There was also a bunch of I love you so much texts, when she was supposedly only dating for three days. Based on the fact this guy has been commenting on her every Facebook post a few weeks after dad passed away, I think they’ve  been seeing each other for much longer. 

I asked her about a few things that I had already knew from reading her messages and she lied straight to my face. I hate that she, in turn, has been trying to make me feel guilty for being upset. I even caught her fake crying and it just feels like she’s trying to manipulate me. I don’t think it’s unreasonable for me to be upset. Every time I try to talk to her about it she just starts yelling at me, saying, “oh, I guess I’m just supposed to not have anyone.” She also said that my dad’s dead and I need to just get over it. I don’t it’s her dating that really bothers me, it’s that I feel she never truly cared about my dad. A lot of things make me think this but I won’t get into all the reasons.

i just really need some advice and guidance from others who’ve had similar experiences. I feel it might just be best to cut her out of my life completely. 

 

 

 

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My father died suddenly on Mother’s Day last year and my mom started “hanging” with some guy.... I feel your pain. I feel all sorts of emotions but I have no control over the situation so I’m just trying to keep to myself and relax. I’m trying to stay stress free because the panic attacks I have are severe. Say a prayer.


Sent from my iPhone using Grieving.com

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Dear Kmc,

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your feelings are totally understandable. Losing your beloved dad and processing your grief is not something that happens overnight. It can take years. The first year is so hard and but some have told me it could take 5 years or 10 years to come to terms with it.

It is upsetting seeing a parent move on so easily and date another person. Your feelings of resentment are valid. I know we all cope differently, but do what you can to protect yourself. It might be best to talk to a grief counsellor or join a support group in the community or through church. I also found these sites helpful in understanding my feelings.

What's Your Grief

Grief in Common

Grief Share

Grief Healing Blog

Take care. Thinking of you.

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