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Julien St-C

Gaspar , my dog

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Julien St-C

Gaspar , my dog , my brother .. Gaspar was my best friend . 

One day i have go to someone who i was working with , i did see a poor dog who was starving , get beat .. I told this person i give you 50 $ and i get the dog out of this place , he said ok , he took the money and buyed beers .. I never saw this person again , and wouldt want to too ... 

I took the dog home with me , i just didnt want his death on my conscience .. Didnt really know what i was going to do with him , maybe try to find a good family for him .. 

Took him to the vet , vet's say he would live 2 more weeks , he was malnourished and in poor condition .

I buyed him food , buyed a leashes .. 

We didnt have the right to own a dog in our appartments .. But we did it 

We keeped the dog and named it Gaspar , in honor of my grand parent .. I have educated him , give him all the love he could want , at least 3 or 4 walk a day ..

He was now a member of our family .. ( Me and my mother ) 

Kid would love to play with him , he was shy , gentle sweet and i could carry it on ( He was 75 pounds dog ) 

I could put all the love i was having inside me and put it on this little fellow .. 

Then , years 2019 come , got my birthday the 3 january and his birthday was 1 january .. 

The 13th he was having problem with his back legs , we put him to the vet , get medication , but the next day is worst , he can barely walk .. He looked me with his big brown eyes saying ( what the **** is going on ) and in my head i did know something was very very wrong ..

The 15th he couldnt walk , his back legs were paralyzed .. He couldnt control his urine ..

I brought him to the best vets in Québec , they were specialist , i brought him in one of the worst winter snow i ever saw , i would do whatever my dog need   .. 

Next day the neurologist call me and said that Gaspar was paralized half of his body , and maybe a slipped disc have done that , she said that the breed of my dog have problem with it .. He was 7 years old . 

With all the operation and recovery the cost of it was almost 10 000 $ but money was not a problem , the problem was that the poor guy was 7 years old , hes breed was having problem with slipped disc .. And i dont live with my mother anymore i couldt help her with Gaspar everyday , and this was a problem , because its was 40% of maybe he would ever walk again .. 

So my mother said that we couldnt lets our dog suffer all the operation and recovery when the Vet was at 3 hours of the house ..

We haved to pu it down ... I didnt want , this little fellow with his big brown eyes was looking straight into my eyes when he receive the shot of the veterinian .. I was demolished , and i am still ..

 

After 2 or 3 months , my hearth is broken .. I was climbing montain with this dog , he was my brother , my son .. We had 1000 X adventures togeter , he was my joy .. Took care of him like its was my baby ..

 My girlfriend understand me because she love animal .. But i cant seem  to find joy in life since he left , i am crying like a baby right now just trying to write this .. 

My mother going well , well more than me . Me , im not the same , was full of energy and positive .. I did lose half my hearth with him gone ..

The winter was easy with him , life was good , then he dissapear .. Its look like a parts of me is gone with him 

We got ashes from his little body ..

The life give me this wonderful dog , he was just 7 years old , in my head he was having at least 3 or 4 more years to live .. 

But now hes gone , and a part of me is gone too .. 

After 3 months i can barely talk about it without crying and thinking about what we lost , this little buddy was my world , now he gone i cant seem to know what im going to do this summer without him and his little smile .. 

Gaspar , i will miss you for the rest of my life little buddy .. Life seem bland without him , walking outside , all the activity now seem worthless without him ..

I am mostly french from Canada , scuse me if i do some fault in my english .

 

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KayC

I am so sorry...you'll find us all here animal lovers, we know the pain, we've all suffered losses.  The best creature God ever created, did so for us to take care of, but alas we're not miracle workers, we can't keep them from aging and death, much as we long to.  Your boy is beautiful, very sweet eyes.  I don't know your beliefs but my belief is their spirit continues and we'll be with them again.  I hope this video brings you comfort.

 

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AJWCat

We do lose a part of ourselves - because they steal a part of our heart. He will be with you always, and I am so so sorry for your loss. :( I know how you feel. It takes some time to learn to live without them. 

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Julien St-C

Thank you everyone , yes he will always be with me no matter what happen .. Its just that i cant find happiness since he is gone , he was  the brother i never had .. I need to go past forward but it hard , i see him everywhere .. I miss his little face , i hope someday i will be with him .. I didt lost my father when i was 8 by suicide , and this is nothing compared to my dog death .. Oh sweet life 

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KayC

Dogs live with us, are our willing companions, never judge us, are always so loving and adoring, so willing and full of zest for anything we suggest!  Is it any wonder they ingratiate themselves into our lives as they do! It stands to reason it would be one of the hardest losses we can suffer.  My husband always reminded me of a puppy wagging its tail...he was full of zest for life, my constant companion and best friend and his death hit me harder than any other...but when my dog goes, I know it will be much like that, I call him my soul mate in a dog, I don't know how I'll get through it when the time comes (he's 11 now and large breeds don't live as long normally) but I'll have to get through it much the same way I did the loss of my husband nearly 14 years ago.  In the beginning I was in shock, it affected every aspect of my life!  Financial, social, the person who did half the chores, my confidant, lover, best friend...my dog doesn't affect my financial, chores, lover, but he truly is my best friend.  He knows when I'm stressed and gives me a knowing kiss.  He's always so happy about everything, going for walks, a ride, the smallest treat!  He's goofy and funny and loves to play games.  

My heart really goes out to you, I know the loss, I've faced it time and again with dogs and cats in my life...yet I know because I am single that affects my relationship with this particular dog as he is the one that meets my needs, it really does make a difference.

I wrote this article ten years out from the loss of my husband, I hope something in it will be of help to you.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

  • Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
  • Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
  • Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
  • Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255
  • Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
  • Try not to isolate too much.  
  • There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
  • Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
  • Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
  • In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
  • Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
  • Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
  • Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
  • Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
  • Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
  • Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
  • Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

 

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Dee rite

Grasper was very loved and I am very sorry for your loss.

this is a difficult time and wishing you strength during this difficult time and journey 

Dee

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Julien St-C

Thank you everybody for taking time to respond to me , life will not be the same , but i will find a way , enjoy life with your little compagnion while you can !! We love them some much 

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