Trying to sleep alone.

[ModKatB]

It has been so hard to learn to sleep alone after having someone next to me for all those years. I had someone suggest to me that maybe I should try a heavy weight blanket to help me sleep and at first I thought they were crazy. I finally broke down and tried it along with a heated blanket and it has helped me to get more sleep. Has anyone else tried something like this? Or is there other suggestions on how to get a good nights sleep?

[SSC]

I mentioned before about my “pillow person”. I have a heavy memory foam pillow that I inserted into one of my husbands sweat shirts.  I lay that down where my husband laid in bed then up against the bed frame I have a pillow with his portrait.  I roll over all the time and fall asleep on his “chest” just like I used to.  I talk to him in bed too.  Every night we would wind down by reading in bed, I still do this and I’ll even catch myself for a second thinking it’s him really laying next to me. I don’t think I can sleep any other way now.  I find it very comforting 

[Billie Rae]

Ahh,sleep.I never sleep more than 2 hours at a Time,I don't feel safe anymore and I tend to"night wander"when I get up I'm just as tired as when I lay down.Best sleep is sofa naps on weekends.Think I will try The weighted blanket,wonder if they have one that snores.My quilt still smells like Charlie so that's a bit of comfort.
Love you guys
Billie

Sent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app

[foreverhis]

Well, my "sleep pattern" is like this:  I keep something on TV or radio in the background downstairs.  I lie on the sofa with this beautiful perfect size afghan one of my sisters knitted for me as comfort (it is so much).  I go to sleep at some point and then wake up some time later, maybe 1 hour and maybe 3.  Then I stagger upstairs, put on one of my hubby's silk sleep shirts and crawl into our bed.  I'm usually half-asleep and so out of it that I am able to sleep for between 3 and 5 hours.  Yes, I'm exhausted all the time.

I have tried repeatedly to just "go to bed" in our bed.  I've used comfort pillows, his pillow, heavier covers, etc.  Nope, doesn't work for me.  No matter how tired I am, I toss and turn and fret and my busy, busy brain won't shut the heck up.  Even with the sleep aids my doctor prescribed (and practically ordered me to use), I still can't get good sleep.  I'd have to take way too much in order to have it actually knock me out.  I'd have a horrible "hangover" and headache the next day.  I know; I've tried it.

It's not as if I've never slept alone for short times in the past 35 years.  For many years, I had our furry loves to keep me warm if he was away on business.  Our pup was allowed to sleep on the bed if dad was out of town.  Our little Persian slept on or next to her daddy every night.  When he was away she would stretch out by my side , put her paws on my shoulder, and purr/sigh.  I always slept great with our furry loves.

But now that it's permanent, I cannot sleep.   I know he's never going to be there for me to snuggle into or just feel his warmth.  I think for me being able to sleep through the night is going to take a very long time.  I miss him so much every minute and in bed there is nothing to distract my heart and mind from that painful fact.  Nearly 8 months later that hasn't changed even a tiny bit.

[Moment2moment]

I never sleep alone, eat alone, watch TV, read, walk, or toilet alone!

I have 2 little dogs and we cuddle up to snore together at night and they also keep me warm under the fleece throw.

Highly recommended!

 

[Sunflower2]

11 hours ago, KatB said:

It has been so hard to learn to sleep alone after having someone next to me for all those years. I had someone suggest to me that maybe I should try a heavy weight blanket to help me sleep and at first I thought they were crazy. I finally broke down and tried it along with a heated blanket and it has helped me to get more sleep. Has anyone else tried something like this? Or is there other suggestions on how to get a good nights sleep?

I use a Bucky wrap.  Research online. Bucky.com   I wrap it over my stomach and it provides some comfort.  

Yes I mentioned a weighted blanket awhile back.  I love it and it does provide some comfort.  The one I ordered is a little too heavy for me so it makes it difficult sometimes to use it the entire night. I do curl up with it often and it seems to calm the anxiety/fear. 

My doctor suggested 400 mg of magnesium glycinate.  Research if interested.  Maximum is 400 mg. if you decide to try this you can adjust the mg. I take 200 mg before bed and sometimes another 100 during the night.  I use a therapeutic brand "Metagenics." 

There are essential oils I use for grief/insomnia/anxiety/panic as well.  Diffuse and put on my feet and chest before bed. Cedarwood is great for grounding. Marjoram for grief are starters to consider. I use Young Living but I've been into essentials for years. Eden Garden online is a good line of essentials at a more reasonable cost, You want a therapeutic blend, 

I do bubble baths sometimes at 3 am.  Lavender.

These are simply suggestions. I do not take any medications for anxiety/depression etc.

I'm farther into this grief journey so the sleep is better but I have many nights where I wake up after a few hours.  

I do find that if I'm consistent in some form of exercise  like (walking) or yoga my sleep is improved. I'm not consistent thought since my loss.  I do feel that even with grief exercise is the best stabilizer.  

Mindless books on Kindle,  I actually sleep with a Kindle now at night. 

We are all different.  Look at it this way just the research above if it interest you will provide some distraction.  

[Sunflower2]

10 hours ago, SSC said:

Every night we would wind down by reading in bed, I still do this

Yes!!!     I have continued with this and a pillow over my chest.  Added on to everything else I rotate in and out to give comfort. 

[HPB]

...I don't sleep alone either. "BLUE" and "RED" (their names) accompanied my wife and me to every spot on earth we visited:

[SSC]

I also give my mom magnesium at night for sleep. ( she has dementia and had a stroke resulting in cognitive impairment and short term memory loss). It has helped her immensely.  However, my daughter used to take it and it gave her bizarre paranoid dreams.  Just be careful and see how your body reacts. 

[JES]

I still sleep with our microwavable beddy bears, his and mine. Lay them right on me, next to me, heat up during the night. I also have my two pups of which one stays the whole night and the other one comes up early am.  Think hes guarding the downstairs at night.  I still don't sleep thru night though....up every 1-2 hrs.  My best sleep is early a.m. which of course, is when the pups want me to get up and attend to their needs.  @HPB I love your Blue and Red. Am so glad you have them to give you comfort. 

[Sunflower2]

45 minutes ago, SSC said:

I also give my mom magnesium at night for sleep. ( she has dementia and had a stroke resulting in cognitive impairment and short term memory loss). It has helped her immensely.  However, my daughter used to take it and it gave her bizarre paranoid dreams.  Just be careful and see how your body reacts. 

That's why I rarely do these shares.  I did specifically state  research, worked with my doctor, and we all are unique ….therefore hopefully responsible.   Also one would need to consider other medications they are on. Even if I was in the medical profession I would always alert with a talk to your doctor research and probably wouldn't even go into that anymore than I did with this post.  Just as I don't play therapist here. So I really appreciate this added reminder for me as well as others on this site.  Thank you!!! 

[Sunflower2]

1 hour ago, HPB said:

...I don't sleep alone either. "BLUE" and "RED" (their names) accompanied my wife and me to every spot on earth we visited:

loved this visual!!!! and for all of us it speaks volumes of our grief and our loss! Thank you for this share. It was helpful for me.