Members Pam@Ilovemybeagle Posted February 13, 2019 Members Report Share Posted February 13, 2019 I can't cope, I am struggling....I lost my dad last year in April, my canine soulmate in July, and lastly my mom on my birthday this past October. So needless to say it has been quite a horrific year! I just want to scream!!!! I had the most wonderful relationship I could hope to have with my parents. I felt so loved by them. I am 51 years old and since my dad past, then my dog and then my mom, I have cried everyday for last 300 days. I am a mess. My mom had gotten diagnosed with uterine cancer back in 2008 and she had fought the most courageous battle. I was with her every step of the way. And I am glad that I was because there was nowhere else I would rather be than with her. My mom is my best friend. My dad has been battling emphysema, heart surgery and then finally lung cancer. I was with him as well. I love my parents dearly and I was glad to be there for them. I live only a few minutes away from them. But now having them and being part of each others lives for the past 50 years, it is really, really hard on me. I miss them and think of them constantly. I wish they were here. I miss my mom and our coffee times together, where we would just sit and talk. I will miss that immensely. I will miss my dad and our drives together. I will miss my dog, Heidi, because she got me...she helped me through the grief with my dad... and now she's gone and so is my mom. I truly feel that I am left behind. People keep telling me that your parents were very lucky to have you....that upsets me because, as far as I am concerned, I am the lucky one for having such wonderful, caring parents. I just have to find a way to go on....but it is so hard, and to want to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Vivi Posted February 14, 2019 Members Report Share Posted February 14, 2019 I know how you feel. I lost my dad 30 yrs ago,and my mom. 6 yrs ago. The pain never went away for me! I was an only child,and had a very close relationship with them both. My son moved almost 900 miles from me. Miss him, and my 2 grandchildren so much. I went to visit them, and left my dog with the vet. Tech for 7 days. He got sick while I was away, and died one week later. He was my baby, and is now gone 1 yr. I am totally destroyed. So sorry that you are going through this! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Pam@Ilovemybeagle Posted February 14, 2019 Author Members Report Share Posted February 14, 2019 Hi ViVi Thank you for your kind words, that is what really scares me. That the years will go by and I will still feel this pain and anguish, emptiness and loneliness. I have a good husband and a wonderful son. I am not trying to be selfish, but it seems its not enough. My parents were my greatest support, my best teachers, my greatest defenders and my best friends. I do not have friends as many of my friends have greatly disappointed me, used me and let me down over the years. The only ones I could count on were my parents and my dog. I feel dead and sad inside, but I wear a mask of fake smiles during the day, and cry alone at night in the shower where my husband and my son can't hear me. Oh my Vivi!! Isn't grief terrible!!! I am so, so sorry for your loss, and I truly feel for you as well. We don't have great support groups here where I live and going to a "counselor" or "psychologist" is too pricey. This website does help knowing I am not alone. I wish I had my little Heidi (canine soul mate) here to hug. She would look in my eyes and I would see the amazing love she had for me. I miss her so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Vivi Posted February 17, 2019 Members Report Share Posted February 17, 2019 Thank you,for your kind words! Where do you live? I am from N.J. I am glad that you have your husband, and son for support. I have an empty nest. I have two sons, both married. The oldest moved almost 900 miles away,two yrs ago. He has two children,who were my life. Enjoy your son while you have him. They grow up so fast! Thinking of you, and hoping you will start to feel a little better soon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Pam@Ilovemybeagle Posted February 17, 2019 Author Members Report Share Posted February 17, 2019 Hi ViVi, I am from Alberta, Canada. My son is going to be 21 years old and will be moving out soon. He will thank goodness, be living in the same city as his dad and I. Your right, they do grow up quite quickly. He is a good boy with lots of compassion and empathy. But as a mother I do not want to burden him with my grief, that is not fair on him. I feel for you, I wish that your one son was closer to you. Maybe a little gentle persuasion will bring him back?? I hope that ,you have a support group where you are. Unfortunately, I really don't here where I live. I am thinking of you as well, take care, hugs as well.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Vivi Posted February 20, 2019 Members Report Share Posted February 20, 2019 MmmHi Pam, thank you, for your kind thoughts! My husbands family live in different parts of Canada. His mom was born in Newfoundland! So happy for you that your son will be near you! I know exactly how you feel about letting your son know how you are feeling! I will not discuss my feelings to mine either. We have to learn to deal with our losses in our own way. I do go to therapy,however there is nothing that they can do, or say that seems to help me! It is hard for people to know how you feel,if they did not have that great relationship with their family. I hope that you will begin to feel better very soon! It is very hard! Keep me updated on how you are doing! My thoughts are with you! Vivi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Pam@Ilovemybeagle Posted February 20, 2019 Author Members Report Share Posted February 20, 2019 Hi ViVi, Thanks so much ViVi for your words of comfort. Isn't it funny that a person get get more sympathy and comfort from strangers that from your own family and friends?? Thank you for taking time out of your day and replying to my post. It means a lot. Thinking of you as well. God Bless and take care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Vivi Posted February 21, 2019 Members Report Share Posted February 21, 2019 Hi Pam, you are so welcome! Feel free to contact me, anytime! Wishing you much happiness, in the future! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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