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Debra L.

Brother committed suicide

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Debra L.

Found out by chance my 54 yr old brother I was estranged from for 10 yrs, transgendered completely to female, changed his name, suffered mental illness his whole life, killed himself premeditated because he gave his dogs away prior to the act..what a shock it was to have learned this news 3 months after the fact.  Unable to get any answers from police or his lawyer with his estate or anything else.  The hardest part I am struggling with is the transgendering.  He is at peace with his torturous life.  He was always angry at the world, our mother for making him who he was.  He had severe paranoia with people finding him fo not know why.  He seemed to have a sociopathic personality like our grandfather.  He was very much like 2 people.  He had a son he walked away from , so I do have my nephew back who is soon 11 yrs but has no idea who his dad is yet.  I have been denied grief support groups around this because of the multiple layers of issues & it will never be resolved which I do understand.  Am at such a loss.  No matter the fact of estrangement, he is still my blood, we had a life growing up, one could only hope for reconciliation as we get older in life.  

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SSC

Debra,  I am so sorry for your loss.  Regardless of you being estranged, suicide is difficult for anyone to comes to terms with.  I lost my husband to suicide in October.  He was 53.  He suffered from clinical depression for most of his adult life.  My grief journey this far has been tough.  I have been seeing a therapist since November.  I’m also in group therapy.  I’m so sorry you haven’t been able to get professional help.  It has been so helpful for me.  Do you have any friends or family that you can express your feelings and talk about your brother?  Even with my support I find coming to this forum so helpful.  Grief needs to find release.  Talk it out.  Journal about your feelings.  Write letters to your brother.  Cry.  It all helps.  My heart goes out to you.  Hugs.

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Debra L.

Thank you so much SSC.

I do have friends I talk to.  Right now I have a wall up so I do not have to feel.  I will be attending a grief group in May.  Am thinking about art therapy as well in the meantime.  

So sorry for your loss also.  I haven't lost a spouse yet & I know that is something different too but feelings & loss is all the same.  Thank you for reaching out, it is very much appreciated.  Hugs to you as well.   

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reader

Dear Debra,

I am so sorry for your loss. Its a very sad and difficult time. Please know there is no right way or wrong way to grieve. I too had a wall up. I would just say do what is right for you. There is also different support groups online at Facebook. I also found these websites helpful in coping with my grief.

What's Your Grief

Grief in Common

Grief Healing Blog

Thinking of you. Sending my thoughts and prayers.

 

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Debra L.

Thank you so much for support & prayers.  I will indeed check these sites out.  

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