Chelsea

[NeoGraeme]

I don't know what to say, I don't know why I'm posting here. I guess I'm just mad at my wife right now and have no where else to turn to. I lost my six year old daughter to unknown causes on December 30th. On the 27th she started throwing up, followed up by seizures. I got to the hospital with her around midnight I think. The next day was full of seizures, blank states and then sleep... It was the last day I saw my daughter's beautiful blue eyes. By now they had discovered that she had off the chart sodium levels, her brain was shutting down and they were lowering it. But they couldn't control it and it dropped too fast and her brain began to swell. To shorten a long story that I'm already having difficulty with, several xrays, mris and cat scans later they put a tube in her skull, it didn't work, so they cut out pieces of her skull and that didn't work, finally, by midnight on the 29th I had to let her go. We got hand prints and I got her baptized. I had them pull the plug and I watched her go quickly. 

 

I'm not in a good place. Here's why:

I was cold towards her on her last night, it was bed time and she threw a fit so I had to be gruff and force her to bed. 

I smoke, and the one time she was conscious in the hospital, the one 2 minute period she woke up, I wasn't in the room. She didn't open her eyes after that. 

Her swelling caused her eyes to swell and after the skull piece was removed, her entire head. They cut her hair for it obviously and I had to watch as the stitches nearly burst after. The image in engrained into my brain. 

I can't stop thinking about her. About the hospital. I cry every night. The only time I can focus on something else is when I play video games. The house has fallen apart, my wife is constantly yelling at me, even my step kids have started basically calling me worthless. 

I don't know what to do... I have no one to talk to. If it wasn't for my son I don't think I'd be holding on. 

[Aaliyah’s Mom]

I can relate to you. Losing a child can cause parents to lash out at one another and blame each other. This the time that we are suppose to lean on each other for support. You should pray to God to fix it because you are doing what the devil wants and he wants to destroy your family. You have to forgive yourself. We all have moments we regret and wish we could have did things differently. I still can’t get the last images of my daughter out of my head, but I know that I have to keep going. I’m going to pray for you and your family. I hope everything works out for you.