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My Beautiful Cat died in his Sleep and I can't stop Crying


LouisDad

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It’s only been almost one week since I lept out of my bed to find my cat Louis making a distressed single crying coughing sound. His body was lifeless, limp still warm, barely dead. It was a split second experience that I have relived thousands of times since then, I can’t shake it nor think I ever will.

Louis led the routine when at my house. He would sit on top of the toilet watching the water as I showered in the morning. Headbutts all round, He would circle the sink knocking over everything he tried not to. More headbutts. He was an expert in spilling glasses of water and was known for reducing whisky glass collections to near zero. He slept in my armpit in his giant soft, warm white furriness until around 2 am every night when he would wake me up to be escorted to the laundry. His purr would vibrate right through your body if you were next to him. He was playing tag with his brother the night before he died.

At Almost 7 Louis was seemly healthy, he had a vet check-up 4 months ago and nothing apart from “he needs to lose a bit of weight” came out of it. Currently studying at home, that morning we all had our regular morning routine, I went for a nap at about 11:45. At around 12:15 he was dead. It’s too painful to describe the extent of my immediate reaction or that I drove him, taking dangerous risks to Livingstone road vets in the hope he could be revived. He couldnt be revived.

As a single human household, I don’t feel like there is a hole in my life, I feel like my life was rearranged without my permission by something sinister and literally nothing makes sense in my home right now, parts of it feel hopeless. I still have his brother Eddie. He is mourning also and I am so devastated.

Any kind words would be greatly welcomed

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I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my old girl suddenly too. For me it's been 4 months, and it also didn't feel like there was a hole, but everything was different. Everything had changed. You will be able to cope a little better with time, it's not easy, I still have my moments when I miss my old girl terribly. There is something very important missing.

You have a lot of good memories of Louis, he sounds like he was quite a character, and right now it's important to try and focus on all of those memories. It's good that you still have his brother, Eddie, but they do mourn also and that can be difficult when you're going through your own grief. My other cat became extremely clingy in the days/weeks/months afterwards which was difficult for me, but is important to deal with also.

It is such a tough time and I really hope that you're doing okay

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I am so sorry for your sudden and shocking loss.  No one expects to have their cat suddenly die at seven barring injury or accidents.  It takes much time to adjust to our changed life when they're gone, so I hope you can be patient and understanding of yourself during this time.

I want to leave you with this article about pets that are mourning in an effort to help Eddie through it...
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2018/06/pet-loss-supporting-your-grieving-pet.html

 

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Oh no. :( My heart breaks for you. I am sure you are in shock. I had a sudden loss of my cat - one minute he was fine than he got violently sick and we basically put him him down to end his suffering at the vet within a two hour time frame. 

I know the world feels very dark and out of sorts. And your grief (and anger, sadness, etc.) will take you some time to deal with. Try to be patient. I promise that the anguish, though it feels impossible to ever go away - will not last. 

Please come here often, we understand as perhaps few can. Share more if you need to, we are here. 

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Thank you everyone for your kind words. I cant tell you how much they mean. I lost my job last year and don't have a partner currently. Living at home studying and working towards getting my dream job was my goal. Bfore Louis' death I loved being at home alone with the cats, now I am really struggling. I'm drinking a lot and I miss him in every corner of every room. I'm scared I am on a downward spiral. Thank you again for your words.

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So sorry for your loss. I know just what you are going through. I am currently going through the same thing. I lost my sweet cat, Lady G., on January 14 of this year. She meant the world to me, and I love and miss her dearly. 

Please understand, time has a way of easing our pain. You just hang in there my friend. 

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I totally understand that. I won't lecture you - we all do the best we can to survive loss. You have Eddie, who does need you. Hopefully you find comfort w/ him and remember that you are a very good person, who had a tragic loss, and be good to yourself in all areas.  

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You won't get any judgment here...you already know that drink doesn't ease the grief, it only makes us more depressed so not much help there, but early grief is really tough, we all know the pain and have been through it, so hoping for some peace and comfort for you soon.  To go through this and loss of job and no partner, that's though.  I want you to know that the intensity of pain in early grief eases a bit as we adjust little by little, it can take a while, so hang in there while your body does it's job adjusting.

I lost my husband Father's Day 2005 and I wrote this article based on what I've learned over the years as to what's helped me...since that time I've lost several cats and dogs, my mom, my sister, some close friends, as well as my job three times in the recession, so it's taken everything I could muster to survive these losses, but I've learned to build a life for myself and purpose, it takes time and effort and doesn't happen overnight but you can get there.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

  • Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
  • Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
  • Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
  • Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255
  • Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
  • Try not to isolate too much.  
  • There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
  • Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
  • Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
  • In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
  • Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
  • Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
  • Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
  • Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
  • Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
  • Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
  • Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

 

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On 2/2/2019 at 12:40 AM, LouisDad said:

As a single human household, I don’t feel like there is a hole in my life, I feel like my life was rearranged without my permission by something sinister and literally nothing makes sense in my home right now, parts of it feel hopeless. I still have his brother Eddie. He is mourning also and I am so devastated.

Any kind words would be greatly welcomed

I am very sorry about your loss and thorougly understand and relate to what you say about having your life rearranged without your permission - I feel the same happened to me when I lost first one of my cats and then another. A year down the road I am still trying to make sense of things and even if I am functioning and able to respond and take care of others as needed I still feel I am not whole but living with the pain - you hang in there. As you said, you still have Eddie and he needs your love.

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On 2/2/2019 at 11:56 PM, LouisDad said:

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I cant tell you how much they mean. I lost my job last year and don't have a partner currently. Living at home studying and working towards getting my dream job was my goal. Bfore Louis' death I loved being at home alone with the cats, now I am really struggling. I'm drinking a lot and I miss him in every corner of every room. I'm scared I am on a downward spiral. Thank you again for your words.

I am so sorry for your loss.I also lost my cat about 2 weeks ago and the pain does not seem to lessen.I also lived alone,it was just me and him, and now it is just emptiness everywhere.I hate my home right now and I can't get used to him not being there,annoying me for extra food or curling up next to me on the bed,meowing anxiously when I shower because he can't see me or jumping up to places he is not supposed to,just to look at me knowing he got my attention.I miss my little baby so immensely that I can't eat,I cry myself to sleep every night,and I don't care about even getting better.

I feel your pain and share it with you,holding your hand from far away.I hope you find relief in your other kitty's companion, you are there for each other in this pain,loving each other and supporting each other,this is the only thing that can take away some of your pain when nothing else can.

 

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11 minutes ago, Zso said:

I am so sorry for your loss.I also lost my cat about 2 weeks ago and the pain does not seem to lesse.

It takes much time, two weeks out is still relatively fresh.  We continue to miss them always but eventually we begin to adjust to the changes it means for our life, even though we never like it.  The pain lessens in time.

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I know exactly how you feel. I lost Felix in November and have cried every day since. I am so lost without him. And I can relate to you talking about an empty house, I hate my house now, I hate coming home to it as my lovely boy isn't here any more. I wake up every morning in a panic at the thought of another horrible day without him. I have actually been for some counselling which helped, I was surprised. I hope you are okay, it does help to know there are other people out there going through the same thing or who understand how awful it is.

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Oh @Felix's maw, what a sweet face he has, I am also so sorry to read about your loss of Felix. :( It's so so hard to lose them. It took me many months to come to grips with my grief and the loss and find something that I will call peaceful acceptance. Instead of just overwhelming sadness. Even after we adopted our new girl kitty a few months later, I still missed him. I can't live without a cat, so it's nice to have her now. 

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Ktaub1003367

I lost my little buddy Finn yesterday. He was only 7. I miss him terribly and it hurts my heart to realize he is gone. 
I got him when he was six weeks old. Finn bonded with me only and in our household it was clear I was his human. Finn would follow me around the house, sit in a tray on my desk as I worked and sit on the bed to purr for what seemed like forever. When he was naughty I never cross with him, id pick Finn up and ask, What are you doing little buddy?  He would look at me with his soft yellow/green eyes with a “who me” expression. I loved that little guy with all my heart. He would look at me wherever he was sitting or laying and the unconditional  love in his eyes could not be expressed in words and I felt same way towards Finn. 
Over the past 6 months Finn had two surgeries, we had a new baby, moved to a new home and I went back to work in an office after a year of working at home. Finn had a hard time adjusting to so many changes. This past week he seemed to be eating less and finally two mornings ago did not come out when I made my usual cup of coffee so I went to find him. He was under a bench just laying normally. I looked at him and said, hey buddy how are you?  He looked at me with his kind eyes and I went off to work. Later that night while holding the baby he was in his little house. Finn was looking at me while laying down and I said hey buddy how are you. Finn laid his head down, still looking at me as if he knew and was saying goodbye. The next morning I found Finn had passed away it hurt my heart to lose my little buddy at such a young age. We buried Finn in the forest today, prayed for him and marked his grave. I have the exact coordinates in my phone so I can take my daughter to visit Finn when she is older. I will never forget Finn and continue to love him hoping he is in a better place, without pain waiting for me until I arrive. 

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I am so sorry you lost your little Finn.  Its the hardest thing in the world to say goodbye to our furry friends, they're like our children, such great companions.  Seven years is such a shock, way too young to expect this.  

I hope this brings you some comfort...until we meet again...

 

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