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Lost my dear dad to sudden cardiac arrest


Chriselle016

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I lost my dad on the 25th of November, 2018. I'm 13 and an only child. He suffered a cardiac arrest. The day went by normally, my dad and mom took me out for dinner and since he had to go to the gym, he dropped us home. I slept just 10 mins before he returned ,only to go forever. Luckily he wasn't alone when he breathed his last, my mom was with him. He was taken to the hospital but declared dead on arrival. All this while I had no clue as to what had happened. In the morning my mom woke me up, all teary eyed. I ran to our living room and saw my dad.... in a coffin.

It took me almost 2 weeks to realize what actually happened. I've now learnt to accept it, but it's really difficult. I hate going to school even more than I used to. I wasn't much of an extrovert earlier and now I hate talking to people even more. Everyone just tells me to get over it. How can i? I miss him so much. My mom told me about this app since she's here herself and it has really helped her. I hope I'm able to feel better too

:(

 

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Hi Chriselle,
I'm so, so sorry for your loss.
People who have never experienced such a loss can't comprehend what it's like so they say stupid things like "get over it". They wouldn't be saying it if it was their dad.
They just can't understand it like most of us here couldn't understand it until it happened to us. They will understand one day when it's their turn.
As for you, it is a major shock and takes time for the body and mind to adjust to. Just take one day at a time.
 

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hi Chriselle,

Im also an only child although Im much older. I know it's hard on you especially when it came so sudden. Be there for your mum and you can spend time grieving in your own way as well. Dont be afraid to request for help at school like speaking/confiding in a teacher/counsellor. Or you can ask if grief counselling is available.

I agree with Tessa, people would tell u to move on, especially insensitive ones. Just ignore them. Everyone has a different grieving process and period - however, things must go on. Those people take it easy because they have not been in the same situation. You can choose to hang out with friends, or just binge watch movies, read a book or just go for a very long walk (somewhere nearby though, with your mum). Exercise does take things off your mind. Scribble down your thoughts in a book. You can also speak to your dad, Im sure he can hear you.

It will take time but your dad would want you to learn to be stronger, improve in other ways as he would want you to and remember him in the best way possible. Im sure he was a fantastic dad and the greatest dad in your eyes, all I can say is you wouldnt want to disappoint him - he would have wanted you to be strong. He would have wanted you to continue going to school.

Take care and be well
 

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Thank you nuvar. It's just that everything I do keeps me busy for a while and the again I feel the same. My dad was a very good person and loved me very much. Honestly, I did nothing to show him that I appreciated the efforts he took to make me feel happy. I used to get irritated at his overprotectiveness towards me and ignore him for a while because he didn't send me out with my friends. And now, those same friends aren't talking to me. Most of the people at school try to avoid me and teachers aren't really of much help. Only few family members keep in touch. My mom is the only person who can understand me right now. I'm really scared that if she goes as well, I will be left with no one of my own.
I wish I had spent more time with my dad rather than rambling outside. I just can't get over this.

Sent from my RMX1805 using Tapatalk

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Chriselle I understand how it feels, believe me. We all do things like that. I made my mum sad and angry and made her cry too (many many many times in fact), but I know that she knows I didnt mean it.

Im sure your dad does not blame you, not at all. Parents are always overprotective. Speak to your mum, dont worry about your mum - you are over-worrying.

Get in touch with the few family members? Or perhaps like I said, seek help at school, or ask your mum if she too wants to go for grief counselling. Try finding a psychiatrist/psychologist/counsellor near your place.

Your pain is still raw, it will take weeks, months to get better - or at least feel less miserable. Believe me your dad wants you to be strong.

Will reply when I get back from work. Meanwhile, u take care. Do something you want and try to get a bit busy...

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Thank you Tessa. I do feel better reading your message. And I'm happy that I joined this app. People here understand me much more better than the ones meeting me daily.

Sent from my RMX1805 using Tapatalk

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I’m sorry to hear what you are going through. 

Anyone that tells you to “get over it” is an idiot. You need to process this in your own time and no one should put a time limit on that. Take as much time as you need. 

I felt the same way after my dad died. I kept thinking of all the times I was mean or chose to not hang out with him. I became hyper sensitive to my moms whereabouts because I was afraid she would die too. 

Its a lot, all I can say is take it day by day and don’t forget to do the things you enjoy. Self care is important while you’re working through this. 

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