Jump to content
New Members - Check Your Spam/Junk Folder for Confirmation Email ×

Lost my daughter 4 days before Christmas


LaurenAimeesDad

Recommended Posts

  • Members
LaurenAimeesDad

On the 21st December 2018 I lost my 15yr old daughter, my only child, to Meningitis.

It all started from the moment my morning alarm went off and I received a text from my ex-partner at exactly the same time.  She said that Lauren had fallen ill and she had called an ambulance and to make my way to the hospital.  During the journey I kept receiving updates saying Lauren was non responsive and they were carrying out CPR.  Before I arrived the last text just said 'I think we are losing her' and then nothing...

When I arrived at the hospital I could tell from the faces of the doctors and nurses that it was bad, in fact I already knew before I even got there.  Upon seeing her they were just giving up on CPR.  I felt like I was looking through a window into a nightmare.

Lauren's funeral is on the 16th January 2019 and the weeks following her sudden death have been unbearable agony.  They say your life can change in an instant and its true.  Before that day I had been finishing up work for Christmas and started wrapping her presents between other things.  The last 3 years had been the best in my life, a good job, a lovely home, and being lucky enough to provide for everyone around me, even though Lauren never asked for anything, she gained everything she needed in life through her close family and friends.  She was a bright, intelligent, and compassionate person who enjoyed nothing more than the time and interaction of everyone around her.  We'd spend our time together talking and laughing, we had a great relationship.  She was a smaller better version of myself and I would smile from my heart every time she cheerily called my name.

My future without my daughter holds no weight to me.  Even though she was just a teenager I often thought about the future where I would teach her to drive, go through the joys and pains of falling in love, helping her with her first home, and maybe eventually being a grandparent too.  All that is gone now, snatched by an illness that came on fast with virtually none of the known side effects.  She just had a cold, we all did.  

I looked forward to her laughing at older me struggling to operate the latest tech and showing me how to do it, or coming to visit me when I am old.  Thats a future we will never see together.  I consider myself too young to lose a child at 41, and she was far too young to be taken at 15...

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Members
Tommy's mum

laurensdad I am so sorry for the loss of your precious daughter. Meningitis strikes so suddenly and can be fatal within a few hours it is truly a terrible disease. You are right when you lose a child you also lose their future and all the memorable events that come with age it alters the whole family dynamic. Siblings also mourn and grandparents everyone is affected by loss. I respect you for reaching out. There are a few men who post which is a shame because the 2 sexes definitely think behave and grieve in a different way so hearing from someone else that what you are feeling is not abnormal. many bereaved dads feel anger and shame that they were not able to protect their child and often are unable to articulate their emotions because they are the protector of the family and feel they have to be the strong one. There is no shame in grieving deeply someone who was a vital part of the family unit and who you loved deeply. I wish you the best and the strength to be able to have the funeral that is a testament to your lovely lauren and her short life. There are other parents here who understand grief intimately the stages and setbacks the huge bumps in the road besides the obvious dates in the calendar year so please continue to post and get support here. Each story needs to be told and your words may well help someone else who is struggling and finds a kindred spirit.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Members
LaurenAimeesDad
On 1/13/2019 at 12:08 PM, Tommy's mum said:

laurensdad I am so sorry for the loss of your precious daughter. Meningitis strikes so suddenly and can be fatal within a few hours it is truly a terrible disease. You are right when you lose a child you also lose their future and all the memorable events that come with age it alters the whole family dynamic. Siblings also mourn and grandparents everyone is affected by loss. I respect you for reaching out. There are a few men who post which is a shame because the 2 sexes definitely think behave and grieve in a different way so hearing from someone else that what you are feeling is not abnormal. many bereaved dads feel anger and shame that they were not able to protect their child and often are unable to articulate their emotions because they are the protector of the family and feel they have to be the strong one. There is no shame in grieving deeply someone who was a vital part of the family unit and who you loved deeply. I wish you the best and the strength to be able to have the funeral that is a testament to your lovely lauren and her short life. There are other parents here who understand grief intimately the stages and setbacks the huge bumps in the road besides the obvious dates in the calendar year so please continue to post and get support here. Each story needs to be told and your words may well help someone else who is struggling and finds a kindred spirit.

Thank you Lesley,

Yesterday was Lauren's funeral, something I never thought I would ever have to say or think about.  I was dreading the day and whilst it was the second hardest day of my life the service was a beautiful tribute.  Her school friends said some words and the school choir sang for her, the teachers were her bearers. It felt like a weight off my shoulders afterwards as this dreadful period of limbo finally had a sort of ending.  The pain is no less, but now I can grieve in private in my own way.  I am devastated and heartbroken that we can't share our future together but I am immensely grateful to have shared 15 years of pure happiness with her.  She was incredible.

32759350518_6f26588fc4_b.jpg

  • Hugs 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Members

I’m so very sorry to hear this. I’m sorry you have to go through this horrific, unnatural tragedy of losing Lauren. 

I lost my son 9 years ago. Landon was killed in a car accident. The first few years were the worse. It never really got “better” just softer over time. Take your time, there are no rules. Take care of yourself because grieving is exhausting. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Members
Tommy's mum

laurenaimeesdad you are right there is a small kind of peace after the funeral. Maybe because the lead up to it is so pressurised and anxiety provoking. After they are laid to rest you can be calmed by the knowledge you put her to bed with all the love you have and that her spirit still lives on inside you. Lauren is not gone forever she is still with you in spirit. I know at first that is no consolation because every fibre of your being screams bring her back but in time as the sharp edges of grief slowly soften you will realise the love of a parent for their child never dies and you will always be invisibly bound together by that love

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Members
LaurenAimeesDad

@BlueSkyy I know there is a long road ahead, and I am sure that there will be many times where I won't want to go on without her. I do have a very supportive family, but the realisation that she is gone and this really happened hits me frequently like a sledgehammer. It's even harder because even though she is irreplaceable, I don't have any other children either and probably won't have that opportunity again. Thank you for your kind words, it is helping me to have a place like this to come even though it's such a sad thing.

@Tommy's mum Today we had a small ceremony for the internment of Lauren's ashes. She is at peace in a lovely memorial garden under a blossom tree on the side of a grassy hill overlooking other hills.  This particular area is for younger people and is very near to another young lad who was just 19.  The worry of the funeral has been replaced with a deep sadness, and memories or photographs feel like having my heart ripped out.  All I can do is give it time now, after all the only options we really have are to sink or swim...

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Members
Tommy's mum

laurenaimeesdad having the funeral now behind you is a relief you sound like you picked a perfect spot for your precious girl. Yes your heart has been ripped out I understand and that she was your only child is an even worse agony I am so sorry. The loss of one child does not get easier when you have other children though. I have 3 other adult children but every occasion birthday or celebration is overcast by the loss of their brother. I have to try really hard to be visibly upbeat and happy when underneath my heart is still in pieces. The longing never goes away and will only stop when you are reunited with your spirit girl in the next life. Just remember when you are at your lowest ebb that you will see her again just not yet it is not forever it is for just now. Having a site like this is important it brings us in contact with other bereaved parents all with a sad sad story and a history but it also offers the opportunity to help to support others and in doing so it helps to heal you too. My son Tommy was just 24 when he was killed in 2015 and I still have some difficult times. He was at a college dorm moving his friends in and there was a small celebration after. One of his friends had a breakdown after feeling bullied and climbed out onto a ledge 14 floors up and was going to jump off. The police were unable to get near him so left my son and another friend to try and talk him down. Tommy climbed out and held his hand and persuaded his friend to come back in after quite a while but the window shattered as they both were coming back in and they fell. My Tommy died soon after from his injuries but his buddy survived. One of my struggles is that a god made a choice and my son who was the hero was not considered worthy enough to be saved. It has been a bitter journey but there comes a time when the tears do not fall every single day, times when you can laugh briefly and when the days are not always dark. Take hope from this, one day at a time. later on you may find a good opportunity to honour your lauren by raising money for a charity she liked or for the school she attended before or to plant trees in a barren area. There are many ways to help others and raise awareness and in doing so have a positive memorial for your lovely girl.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Members
LaurenAimeesDad

@Tommy's mum I had read your bio and wondered what your circumstances were.  Such a tragic story, but your son was clearly a hero and I imagine that while you wished he hadn’t you are also incredibly proud of him.  There are not many people who would do what he did.  You’re right though, it just doesn’t make any sense that he was taken, it’s just not fair.  I keep asking myself why such good people are taken so young whilst many bad people live until they are old, I don’t think I’ll ever make sense of it.

I have spent the last few days putting together a photo book online (which ended up being 130 pages long) which spans Lauren’s life from newborn to 15.  I shed tears during each and every one of those pages, it was exhausting but brought back happy memories from every photo.  If there is one thing I am thankful for is that I have no regrets, we got along so well and I sometimes worried that I was more of a friend than a father.  At the end of the day though I think I did it right.  We spent our time together laughing and being silly which you could see in many of the photos, and I wouldn’t change a thing.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Members
Tommy's mum

laurenandaimeesdad I would like to invite you to join us on a different thread that gets quicker replies and keeps us all in one place instead of answering multiple threads. It is at the top of the main page Loss of an adult child by Mom of Justin and has the most replies just post there and we will find you ok? You are so brave to do the photographs what a lovely memorial and although you cried at every single one that is a little healing in itself. I cannot look at old photos yet and it will be my 4th year in August. I have a shelf in my family room with a few photos and special things on it and the award Tommy won for his bravery is on the wall but everything else is in my attic I am still not mentally strong enough to face that yet. I have a Tommy box that I put all the newspaper articles in because his brave act went around the world and anything else I want to put in. This is for his adult siblings in years to come should they want some closure. Right now they do not want to open that Pandoras box because it may well cause a breakdown and so they try to take life day by day and not think too much about losing their brother. They are all very different in their grieving process one refuses to think about it at all and pretends he is still away in Hawaii one still is very angry and bitter and one is on occasion very tearful and more in touch with their grief. I still see a psychotherapist and a psychiatrist for my medication and had a wonderful grief counsellor for a year. We are all so individual and have different needs and ways to cope. None of them are crazy or weird it is what it is and we all find ways to keep on going. There is light at the end of the tunnel it just takes time to get to it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.