Members Kayla Elaine Posted January 6, 2019 Members Report Share Posted January 6, 2019 Ally... My dad came home with a tiny rat terrier cuddled in his arms shaking from the cold and covered in dirt and fleas. We rushed out got shampoo gave her a warm bath and got her settled for the night. We had a rough beginning due to the fact that she didn't really get along with my much larger dog. After a while they grew to love eachother and we decided to keep her. Her teeth were rotted from being on the streets so long so we got special food that was easier for her to eat. I even made her these treats that she loved to eat and they were soft so she could eat them with no trouble. After about a year her hearing got worse than it already was along with her cataracts. I would make sure she knew where to go and how to get there. She was my buddy, my best friend, my miniature guard, she meant the world to me. I knew she loved me because if anyone were to lay a finger on me she would let them know she was there and she wasn't going to let anything happen to me. As the months went by things seemed to be getting better and better. She filled in, she was eating more, she wasn't peeing in the house, she grew closer to my other dog (spot), and then she started acting weird. She started to pee in the house. She would even do it right in front of you like she didn't care if she got in trouble. I started taking her out more often usually carrying her down the steps cause she was starting to get a bit sore. After she finished her buisness she would come inside and lay down right next to me. It was her third year with us and she started getting sick. Really sick. She wouldn't eat, get up, or do anything for that matter. We tried several different foods but nothing worked. She was just never hungry. We tried for three months but she just got more and more sick. After a month of her being sick we started to think about options (putting her down) I just couldn't handle seeing and knowing that she was in pain and was living no quality life. We finally decided it was best to euthanize her. If you think it is bad to euthanize animals I understand I really do but she couldn't live the way she was any longer. She was skin and bones could barely breath and couldn't stand up or barely even lift her head up on her own. I had one week to say goodbye. Say goodbye and thank you for everything. She taught me to love more, stand up for myself no matter how tiny I feel, and so much more. It came the day and we carried her out to the car. Her last car ride. She was wrapped in a pink blanket and layed silently and almost lifeless on my lap all the way to the vets office. I kept my head down not taking my eyes off her for a moment. That was my baby girl and I couldn't leave her side. We got to the vet and I carried her in. It was summer but she was still cold and needed a blanket. We got seated in the room and I held her the whole time. I asked if she was hurting and they said she felt nothing. I looked at her trying to hold back tears but I couldn't help it. We got done took her home and buried her the next day on some land by the river. About a month later we started looking for dogs. I was still grieving but felt like another dog might help the process. We found the perfect puppy and brought her home. The first night with her was rough but I still love her to death. I just feel guilty. I feel like I replaced Ally. My new puppy (Bailey) is amazing I love her so so much but still can't seem to stop thinking about Ally. She was my baby girl and I still to this day cannot call Bailey my baby girl. I'm still grieving and feel as if it's starting to get unhealthy. I think about Ally everyday and when I do my mood automatically goes down. I know she isn't suffering but I still feel as if I could have done more to help her. The grief is starting to interfere with school. I'm starting to slack and can't get motivated. I miss her so much and just wish that I could still miss her but not let it control my life as much. I needed to talk to someone and this is the only thing I can think to do. If you read this thank you. I know it was long but it was her story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jack Russell Posted January 6, 2019 Members Report Share Posted January 6, 2019 Quote Of course your still grieving for her she was your girl. I lost my little girl Kelly 5 months ago and I still miss her terribly. If I get myself in the wrong frame of mind it still brings the tears but I try to think of something else as its still too painful. If this now is really affecting your life perhaps it's time to talk to someone about your grief, professionally. Have you read other stories on this website, it really does help. You should read some of the articles KayC has posted along the way, they are very helpful. We all deal with grief in different ways. You did the best for and what your feeling is normal. Lots of love you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members So sad But Yet So Happy Posted January 7, 2019 Members Report Share Posted January 7, 2019 Kayla, You did everything you possibly could and then some to help Ally. She knew this as she was your little protector. Making food for her, taking extra time to take her out and finally making that decision to put her out of her pain. Bailey isnt a replacemnet for Alley. She's a new friend to start a brand new relationship with. Dont consider her as a replacement . She has her own personality, traits and a special way of being with you. We lost what i consider my Soul mate , Savannah 2 months ago. We were looking for puppies, young dogs as we have a dog now so i wanted to be picky , a dog that would get along with my little boy. But over time , things happened and so far its not looking good. For you to get a puppy this quickly is a blessing for you. No, Bailey isn't Alley but Bailey will be loved and taken care of just like her. Enjoy Bailey, Greive for Alley. These are good things and by the way you take care of your animals they are blessed as well as you. Enjoy each other, learn from each other and be Happy with each other. Jim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kayla Elaine Posted January 7, 2019 Author Members Report Share Posted January 7, 2019 Jack Russel- Thank you so much for your kind words. I am really sorry about Kelly. I have read a few stories on this website and they are helping little by little. I have seen 1 article by KayC I think but I'm definitely going to check a few more out. Again thank you. -Kayla Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kayla Elaine Posted January 7, 2019 Author Members Report Share Posted January 7, 2019 So sad But Yet So Happy- Thank you, I am so sorry about Savannah. I hope you end up finding the perfect puppy. And thank you for what you said. It's really hard when things like this happen and when you can talk to people it makes it a lot easier. It's really nice to hear things like this when you feel as if nothing will ever be the same which it won't but things will get better. Again thank you. -Kayla Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 7, 2019 Moderators Report Share Posted January 7, 2019 16 hours ago, Kayla Elaine said: Ally... My dad came home with a tiny rat terrier cuddled in his arms shaking from the cold and covered in dirt and fleas. We rushed out got shampoo gave her a warm bath and got her settled for the night. We had a rough beginning due to the fact that she didn't really get along with my much larger dog. After a while they grew to love eachother and we decided to keep her. Her teeth were rotted from being on the streets so long so we got special food that was easier for her to eat. I even made her these treats that she loved to eat and they were soft so she could eat them with no trouble. After about a year her hearing got worse than it already was along with her cataracts. I would make sure she knew where to go and how to get there. She was my buddy, my best friend, my miniature guard, she meant the world to me. I knew she loved me because if anyone were to lay a finger on me she would let them know she was there and she wasn't going to let anything happen to me. As the months went by things seemed to be getting better and better. She filled in, she was eating more, she wasn't peeing in the house, she grew closer to my other dog (spot), and then she started acting weird. She started to pee in the house. She would even do it right in front of you like she didn't care if she got in trouble. I started taking her out more often usually carrying her down the steps cause she was starting to get a bit sore. After she finished her buisness she would come inside and lay down right next to me. It was her third year with us and she started getting sick. Really sick. She wouldn't eat, get up, or do anything for that matter. We tried several different foods but nothing worked. She was just never hungry. We tried for three months but she just got more and more sick. After a month of her being sick we started to think about options (putting her down) I just couldn't handle seeing and knowing that she was in pain and was living no quality life. We finally decided it was best to euthanize her. If you think it is bad to euthanize animals I understand I really do but she couldn't live the way she was any longer. She was skin and bones could barely breath and couldn't stand up or barely even lift her head up on her own. I had one week to say goodbye. Say goodbye and thank you for everything. She taught me to love more, stand up for myself no matter how tiny I feel, and so much more. It came the day and we carried her out to the car. Her last car ride. She was wrapped in a pink blanket and layed silently and almost lifeless on my lap all the way to the vets office. I kept my head down not taking my eyes off her for a moment. That was my baby girl and I couldn't leave her side. We got to the vet and I carried her in. It was summer but she was still cold and needed a blanket. We got seated in the room and I held her the whole time. I asked if she was hurting and they said she felt nothing. I looked at her trying to hold back tears but I couldn't help it. We got done took her home and buried her the next day on some land by the river. About a month later we started looking for dogs. I was still grieving but felt like another dog might help the process. We found the perfect puppy and brought her home. The first night with her was rough but I still love her to death. I just feel guilty. I feel like I replaced Ally. My new puppy (Bailey) is amazing I love her so so much but still can't seem to stop thinking about Ally. She was my baby girl and I still to this day cannot call Bailey my baby girl. I'm still grieving and feel as if it's starting to get unhealthy. I think about Ally everyday and when I do my mood automatically goes down. I know she isn't suffering but I still feel as if I could have done more to help her. The grief is starting to interfere with school. I'm starting to slack and can't get motivated. I miss her so much and just wish that I could still miss her but not let it control my life as much. I needed to talk to someone and this is the only thing I can think to do. If you read this thank you. I know it was long but it was her story. I am so sorry for your loss @Kayla Elaine of sweet little Ally. I thank God she found you and you took her in. You loved her and gave her the best life possible. You are the kind of person we need in this world! My dear, I really feel for you, reading your story and how much you are hurting because you miss her. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty for, but I know it's common, normal even, to feel guilt in grief. (I lead a grief support group). I hope this article will be of help to you:https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/04/pet-loss-guilt-in-wake-of-euthanasia.html Also:http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml Your little Bailey has nothing to do with your having had Ally, they are separate issues, the only commonality is they are both dogs you love, one does not add to or take away from the other. I pray you find peace in your heart. I will likely always have a pet because I have love to give and because I need them in my life, both. One animal never replaces another, nor could they, not even if they look alike...even clones are not like the original because they all have their own personality and don't necessarily look like each other even with the same genes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AJWCat Posted January 7, 2019 Members Report Share Posted January 7, 2019 I am so sorry for your loss of Ally. That was a really tough. I kind of went through what you did. Four months after losing my cat (a tragic sudden passing) I was desperate to get another cat. But I was also still so sad over my other guy. I actually hated buying new food and toys for my new cat, it just made me sad and angry for the cat that I lost. Now... I love my "now cat" so much (a year later) which I knew I would, I'm an animal lover like you... and still, I grieve over losing my other cat. But it's only now and then. It's weird to have both emotions simultaneously but I get it. KayC was so so right in her post. Just allow yourself to remember Ally and miss her but please know you did the kind thing. You've actually done 3 very good things, you gave Ally a good life and then helped end her suffering at the end, and gave another dog a home. Be patient you will be okay, it just takes time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kastine Posted January 11, 2019 Members Report Share Posted January 11, 2019 @Kayla Elaine I lost my soul dog last year July.. worst time of my life and I never thought I would get through it... we can’t explain the feeling it leaves in us... that loss... it’s tremendous and horrifying! We got max just over a month after and it took me a while to actually love him... I felt such guilt thinking my late boy would be thinking I was replacing him... of course no one ever will... it’s been 6 months and although I think of my poopa all the time... I’ve come to love max dearly!!! I know my milo would be happy that I have max who we got from a shelter where he had spent his whole life of 5 years... he is very skittish and scared of men and gets scared of certain things very quickly but he is such a sweet and loving boy who absolutely adores me!!! His favorite time is in the morning when we wake up and my bf lets them in the room to jump on the bed to wake me up.. just the sweetest boy... what I’m saying is with time you will love bailey very much... in a different way to how you love ally, but love you will feel for sure... as, as mentioned by others, we love animals and part of our purpose here on earth is to do exactly that... to love them and protect them and give those who we are blessed enough to have in our lives, good lives in return and with this responsibility comes the pain of losing them one day but it’s the risk of that pain we continue to take for the unconditional love and loyalty these wonderful creatures give us! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Felix's maw Posted February 20, 2019 Members Report Share Posted February 20, 2019 I am so sorry to hear about your loss of your lovely Ally. I lost my cat Felix four months ago and am still devastated. I cry every day and just long and long for him, so I know how you are feeling. It's like a huge hole in me. So many people don't understand so I'm glad I have joined this forum. Right now I feel as if I'll be heartbroken for ever. But I don't suppose grief works like that and hopefully we will both feel better sometime soon. It's just so so sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 21, 2019 Moderators Report Share Posted February 21, 2019 23 hours ago, Felix's maw said: I am so sorry to hear about your loss of your lovely Ally. I lost my cat Felix four months ago and am still devastated. I cry every day and just long and long for him, so I know how you are feeling. It's like a huge hole in me. So many people don't understand so I'm glad I have joined this forum. Right now I feel as if I'll be heartbroken for ever. But I don't suppose grief works like that and hopefully we will both feel better sometime soon. It's just so so sad. I am so sorry for your loss. As AJWCat said, Felix has a sweet face. I'm glad to hear you're getting grief counseling to help you with this, it is very hard to lose our furry family members, they are like our children. My heart goes out to you in your loss. In the early time of our grief, we are in shock, it's hard to wrap our heads around it, and the pain is excruciating. It takes time to process our grief and begin to adjust, but our bodies are amazing in their resilience. Always we will miss them so in a sense, grief doesn't have an expiration date, but the intensity of pain does lessen with time to something a little more palatable that we can handle. They do leave a hole in our hearts, a hole with their name on it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Felix's maw Posted February 21, 2019 Members Report Share Posted February 21, 2019 Yes Felix had such a sweet face, that's one of the things that makes it so hard, he was so beautiful. I keep thinking, how can something so lovely be gone? I miss him so very much, I just long and long for him. I had no idea grief could be this bad. I miss the love - how much I loved him and how he loved and trusted me. And how much joy he brought to my life. The world is a poorer place without him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AJWCat Posted February 23, 2019 Members Report Share Posted February 23, 2019 I will say @Felix's maw you are in Scotland and I am the USA, and we share the exact same feelings. I loved how much our cat loved me and trusted me. He was a big part of what gave me pure joy. @KayC told me we need to work at finding that joy, in the smallest of moments. I admit, it was hard because the world was dark. And I was very angry losing my cat. He didn't deserve to go like he did. Who knows if I will ever be over it entirely. I guess I have found some peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 23, 2019 Moderators Report Share Posted February 23, 2019 I don't think our grief has an expiration date...as long as we draw breath, we still miss them and yearn for them. I miss my husband each and every day of my life and think about him all the time. I find myself still missing my granddoggy very much and he's been gone 5 1/2 years! And Miss Mocha, I can't believe it's been 2 1/2 years. Even King George (cat), he's been gone 12 1/2 years. Different things bring them up to us, memories, something that reminds us of them. My mom has been gone 4 1/2 years. My dad 36. It doesn't stop, the longer we live the more losses we suffer and have to learn to live with. I guess grief is just very much a part of my life now. I do look for joy in each day, something to be thankful for, and it doesn't have to be something big to qualify. I've learned that comparisons are joy-killers. I must live in this present moment, even while remembering... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Felix's maw Posted February 23, 2019 Members Report Share Posted February 23, 2019 @AJWCat and @KayC, thank you both for your kind chat. I’m so overwhelmed with sadness, it helps to have such understanding comments. Today the pain was bad, I just kept feeling so much love for Felix with nowhere for it to go. But I’ll take your advice and try to find some small joy. I do want to feel better but am finding it so hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 24, 2019 Moderators Report Share Posted February 24, 2019 You are in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this grief. I know it's hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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