I cant get the image of his dead body out of my mind

[Jonte]

I simply cannot get the image of his disfigured head out of my head, its always there every single second.

My baby boy miso, 2 years old and he loved being outside, he'd spend 3/4 of the day outside and we live in a bushy area so lucky him. Silly little guy ventured out too far and was hit in the head by a car. I have been screaming and crying for the past few hours I dont know if I can go on with life.

He was my bestfriend and has helped me this year with my depression, he was the reason I kept living, I swear im going to become more depressed and try to do something stupid. I dont want to live anymore, I cant handle this grief.

How do I stop seeing this horrible image of his damaged body.

 

[KayC]

I lost my sweet husband 13 1/2 years ago, he was my best friend, everything to me, I didn't expect it, is a horrible shock.  I didn't see how I could do this, how the sun could go on shinging, didn't it know that he'd died?!  Ten years into this I wrote this article, I want to share it with you, it was things that I'd learned that had been of help to me, and I hope something in it will be of help to you.  There are grief counselors for pet loss.  There are therapists that can help you with the images that haunt you through techniques:
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2010/03/using-emotional-freedom-techniques-eft.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2016/03/in-grief-using-eye-movement.html

 

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

• Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
• Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
• Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
• Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255
• Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
• Try not to isolate too much.  
• There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
• Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
• Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
• In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
• Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
• Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
• Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
• Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
• Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
• Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
• Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

 

 

[AroseM48]

@Jonte,

I wish I had advice but just know you are absolutely not alone. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my soulmate and best friend on Sunday and I literally have not moved from this bed that is consuming me. I lost him because of negligence and oversight that I never would have foreseen and he died a violent and tragic death all alone. 

I spent all of my seconds, minutes, hours, and days with him only to so suddenly lose him in just an instant. The last time I saw him alive he was so happy, excited, loving, wanting to come with me and 30 minutes later I couldn't find him, only to discover his lifeless body in a way in which I have never seen.

I replay it every minute of the day. I see it when I lay in the dark. I see it when I toss and turn. I see it when I wake up. It is the only thing I see.

I am traumatized and have never been so devastated in my entire life. I too suffer from depression and I have no idea what to do and I continue to say that I don't think I can go on.. that I don't want to go on.. I just want to be with him. He was my entire life and I was his.

Again, I am so sorry.

[Jonte]

@AroseM48

Thank you for replying, I think rather of seeing his hurt body I have to replace it with his happy times. All I can think of is how scary it must have been for him, why do innocent loving people die, its so easy to try to look for something or someone to blame but things like this just happen, its just how the world works, its a painful and beautiful world.

Wow I got very weird and spiritual there, I hope you can move on, try to listen to music, or try to force yourself to do something you love. I dont know if I should be crying or trying to distract myself.

[Geoff]

I know it is January now and I just joined this site a few days ago my little moggy died 2 weeks ago he had eaten some thing outside the vet thinks antifreeze and I had to have him put to sleep I still cry every day the place seems so empty without him such a tragic  death for such a young cat only 5 and a half , I hope your both feeling a bit better now I understand exactly how you both feel I am also finding it hard to move on.

Geoff

[AJWCat]

HI @Geoff I think my cat died eating something too although we never found out exactly what it was. It was the absolutely worst thing I have had to watch, I was in shock and anger and grief for months. I am sorry you lost your cat that way too. You are in the right place to try and heal. 

[Geoff]

When I got my little George he was a rescue can only 4 months old very very nervous I got him because my wife wanted a cat ( I hadn't had one for a few years) so I got this little boy,my wife was away in china at the time so I had him with me for  3 weeks before she came home( i work mainly from home so i spent a lot of time with him) and over that 3 weeks we built up a bond and when my wife came home he wasn't interested in her at all even over the 5 years i had him he was always my little boy he only went to my wife if i was away.

We all say are pets are special to us and they are and to lose not just a pet but a friend is heart breaking, its only been a few weeks now and even though i still am in pain i registered with Battersea cats home to rehome a cat not right now but in the near future there are so many poor little cats that need a home but i think it will take time to open my heart again,

 

Thanks Geoff

[KayC]

Geoff,

That'd be good, you'll know when you are ready.  You are right, they pick their person!  My husband and I adopted a cat, named him Tigger, my husband played with him while I fixed dinner every night.  When my husband passed, Tigger apparently waited for two months for him to come home, when he didn't, Tigger took a long hard look at me, turned tail, took off and I never saw him again.  I don't know if he found another person/home, or made do in the wild (I'm in the country).  I feel bad he didn't think I was enough, but I had no warning he'd do that.  A few months later Miss Mocha showed up and adopted me, I had her for 10 1/2 years, miss her still.

It's funny how they decide they want this person but not that one.

[JellyBean04]

I am so sorry about Miso, and wish I had an answer for you, it's hard. My old girl helped me through a lot of bad times, and when I lost her 4 months ago, I didn't know what I was going to do. She was always there, through everything. My best friend.

It does sound like a bit of a cliche, but time does help a little. When people said that to me I didn't believe it at first. It was all very raw. But it really did get a little easier with time. Four months on I sometimes see my old girl at the time she died, her eyes, which had no life in them anymore and it's extremely distressing. I try to move quickly on to remembering a moment where she made me laugh, a time remembering her for how she was.

I hope you're doing okay.

[amcp]

April 29, 2021

Hello and Good Morning Everyone,            Sorry for everyone’s loss. I can relate to everyone in one way or another.
After the loss of my Fur Son (April 5, 2021)   I have been lost beyond words.

I would like to share my Story but it honestly would be a never ending novel.

One thing that I keep in thought always is Bogie (Our Fur Son) is not alone on the spirit side, he is with all those who have gone before us. This gives me comfort knowing he is with others I know who have gone before me and is United with him and providing him with an abundance of Love.

Our Love for him will always continue to be abundance as he continues to being with us as well.

As much of a challenge it is given Our (Forum Members) situation please find comfort knowing we all are not alone with this and we are together as one and can be connected through these experiences as difficult as it maybe you all have given me a bit of inspiration.

Not sure if this is allowed through this website but “Jonte”, believe me I can relate to you more than you realize. If possible may I please have a way of personally contacting you? I honestly could use your ear and heart to hear and feel my story, this would help me find a bit more closure with things.

Thank you, Ashleigh