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Goodbye Ginger Ninja


Andyc

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On the 7th of December I was faced with making one of the worst decisions of my life and I had to say goodbye to my wonderful companion after 18 years my incredible short haired ginger Mr Tiggs ( aka The Ginger Ninja) I’d noticed his movements had become very laboured especially his breathing with nostrils flared and mouth open I knew in my heart it was potentially the beginning of the end. I booked him in to my local vets on the Monday prior and his diagnosis wasn’t good he had filled up with fluid and his lungs were absolutely congested so I prayed that with the medication it would rid him of some of the fluid and enable him to breathe easier he was still eating and drinking absolutely fine.

i monitored him through to Friday but even though the swelling in his paws had reduced he was still struggling to breathe to the point I was having to carry him up and down stairs I knew I had to get him back to the vets which I was dreading the vet was wonderful and explained everything in detail the fact that he’d got heart failure and he was suffering it was then with a very heavy heart I had to sign the form part of me wanted to say it didn’t matter and scoop him up and take him back home but I didn’t I stayed with him to the end I hadn’t left him in 18 years and I wasn’t going to now but the look on his face will probably haunt me forever as though he was saying it’s ok you’ll be ok then the light that was once there was no more and it then hit me like a punch in the face I now can’t sleep, eat,  my head and emotions are all over the place and found myself making a cup of tea earlier with tears yet again rolling down my face and constantly having images of him all the time in the vets it’s devastating when will it get better? I miss him terribly I feel like there’s a void in the pit of my stomach that just won’t go away.

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AndyC I am so sorry for your loss.  I know how hard it is as I have been there, as so many others have on this wonderful site.  We feel your pain and please know your not alone.  I thought I would surely die with the emotions and trauma of loosing my Kelly but I'm still here. I also watched the light go out of her eyes when she was given the last injection. At one stage when they put the first needle in I told the vet to "stop" as I needed to know yet again there was nothing more I could do to keep her with me.  And yet she was crying in pain in front of me.  My poor Kelly, my faithfull beautiful Kelly. Mr Tiggs lived a good long life with a parent who loved him.  I know at this moment in time that is no consolation and you mourn him terribly but you will get through this.  Cry, scream let the emotions out, do what you have to do to get through.  Just writing this and thinking that you also went through this is making me cry.  God bless you.

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It’s absolutely devastating to be honest and I simply do not know where I need to be Mr Tiggs loved me unconditionally and I loved him unconditionally I buried him in the garden he grew to love and when the time is right I will plant sunflowers there so he will always be remembered. Many thanks for your kind words I know I will get through it eventually and I will look back with the fondest of memories but for now It’s all part of the grieving process which is heartbreaking.

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Hi @Andyc I know and understand your devastation so well. I am very sorry to read your story of sweet Mr. Tiggs. What a friend he was to you and that you were with him to the very end was so wonderful. I know it's of little comfort right now, but I promise you it will be.

However, nothing can truly prepare you for their physical absence. I remember thinking after losing my cat of 10 years (who was like our child) very suddenly that if a human heart could break in half, mine literally would be. I didn't eat or sleep much either. I wish so much to tell you "how" to deal with his loss. You just take every moment as it comes and live with the grief and the pain. For me, I came here because I needed somewhere to vent my sadness. I hope you find some comfort in it, we all know what you are going through. 

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I'm so sorry, I know it's the hardest thing in the world.  You spared him at your expense, that's what a loving parent does.  There is no way to circumvent the grief or I would have found it by now, no way but straight through it, pain and all.  It will lessen into something more tolerable eventually, but right now, I know it's hard.  Everything is a reminder of his absence and that shoots pain through you like a knife.  My heart goes out to you.

 

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Well it has now been 5 days since the passing of Mr Tiggs and if I said it’s been difficult then that would be an understatement as it’s been truly horrific the sense of loss, my emotions have been up and down like a rollercoaster constant reminders of his presence e.g. opening the fridge and he used to cheekily try and poke his head in to see what was on offer walking outside into the garden to see his cat house no longer there and then the spot where I buried him ( which I still can’t tend to at the moment) 

I also received a card from my vets this morning offering their condolences and it also included a packet of forget me not seeds which I thought was a lovely gesture.

I am getting stronger and I think there is slight improvement as I’m now starting to remember him not with sadness but more with fondness I try to think of this grief as if I’m in a boat and at the beginning the waves are crashing down and knocking the boat from side to side but little by little day by day the waves slowly get smaller and smaller until all is calm I will get through this as I have to it’s just going to take time.

Many thanks for your wonderful messages of support 

Andy C 

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Andy, how sweet of your vet!  Could you plant the seeds where he is buried?  What a lovely gesture indeed!

I'm sorry it's so hard, I wish there was some easy way around this but alas I've found none.  I'm glad you're getting stronger, slight improvement is good, it's hopeful.

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Hi @KayC I too thought it was a lovely gesture from the vets I plan to scatter the forget me not seeds when it’s the right time of year as well as sunflowers I have tended to the spot where Mr Tiggs is buried so all that’s left is the planting of the seeds in 2019 Mr Tiggs had a very good life and obviously lived to a very good age so I must have done something right. I am getting stronger day by day and even though it may seem harsh I have to now get on with my life and maybe at some point welcome another cat into my life and home not just yet though it’s far too soon.

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