Lost my baby boy instantly, his brother is grieving, need help please

[Ben C]

After an 8 year battle with pancreatitis, my 10 year old Shar Pei gave in to his illness yesterday.  A little background. We acquired a group of 5 puppies on our doorstep some 10 years ago. We decided to keep 2 of them, brothers. One Joey and one Charlie. They were fighters, literally. We made several trips to the emergency room for stitches for both of them when they would get into violent fights with one another. After 2 years, Charlie developed a pancreas disorder and almost died. He lost most of his weight, in fact. The oncologist attempted to do a biopsy on his intestinal wall but was unsuccessful as the wall were simply too hard to take a sample from. Out of desperation, our vet gave us steroids for him to take. Well, they worked for 8 years following, until some other illness ultimately took him from us. After the 4th year of them being together, because of the fighting between the two, we had divided the house in two with a gate to maintain the peace. It worked but they were unable to fully enjoy each others company. Instead the way it worked out, when one was outside in the back yard, the other could see them through a window in another room. We had a routine where we would switch them after a few hours so that the other brother could enjoy time with us and go outside. Understand, the gate made it possible for the dog in the "back" to see and still be very close to us in the living area. In fact, the dogs beds were mere feet from one another, so they still felt like they were in the pack but just couldn't have physical contact. Every time another dog outside barked, every time a car horn beeped, every time the cat upstairs would meow or run around, the house because chaos. A chaos that I thought I would never miss, but God, I sure wish it would happen this very moment. The dog in the front would jump up and look at his brother behind the gate and then run to the front window to see what the neighbors dog was barking at, just to run back in excitement to share the energy with the brother behind the gate who couldn't see it. They shared every moment of their lives together. Every single moment from their birth, to their abandonment on our doorstep, to the event yesterday that took our baby from us. I know we'll get by eventually, but the most difficult part of the entire episode is watching Joey search high and low for his absent brother Charlie. What can I do? I took today off from work to be with him so he wouldn't be alone. We lost one of our two cats (Achilles), earlier this year. He was the glue of our family. Our original cat (Hera) lives upstairs and is your dictionary definition of Scary cat. A slight breeze sends her into hiding. When the boys (Joey and Charlie) first arrived to our home some 10 years ago, Hera and Achilles (the cats) welcomed them with both excitement and curiosity. Achilles, a Maine Coon, was fearless and ultimately became the pack leader. Hera, was assaulted by an onslaught of puppy curiosity which sent her upstairs to hide for the past 10 years. Achilles became the caretaker for all of the animals. He would go upstairs to play brother for a few hours with Hera and to get away from the chaotic dogs, a much needed break. After a few hours, he would trot back down to tend his pack of brothers, Joey and Charlie. He was able to hop the gate and spend time with whichever brother he felt needed attention. He did this til the week before his death, approx, 6 years. The routine was down pat. the boys knew it, Hera knew it, we all knew it like clockwork. Earlier this year, March, Achilles got sick and was put down on April 5th. That was devastating for the entire family. To have the pack leader, caretaker, babysitter, brother, and baby boy disappear in such a shocking instant, the entire family was lost and confused with no idea how to move forward. We grieved for a few months but have not had enough time to thoroughly heal. The wounds still feel so fresh to us and our boys, not to mention Hera is alone upstairs and will only peek down from the stairs every now and then because she is so scared to come down. The baby we lost yesterday, Charlie, was very close with Achilles, both the boys were. Because the boys had each other, they were able to move forward. As Charlie was a special needs pet, we took him on nightly walks so he could get exercise. This was his highlight of the day and we believe it is what kept him going for so many years. A side note about the boys: We're not quite sure, but Joey does not like walks nor does he like to wear a harness or collar, so we don't make him. When we would take Charlie for his nightly walks, Joey would watch from the front window and wait for us to come back home. He absolutely loved for his brother to come back home. He counted on it. Well, his brother wont be coming home anymore. This is where the excruciating pain comes in for us. Watching Joey look out the front window, waiting for his brother to come home is heartbreaking. We knew this day would come since Charlie was diagnosed with the pancreatitis, and would discuss how hard it's going to be when it's his time to go. Nothing, no amount of planning, nothing prepared us for this. Because we can't walk Joey because of his inability to wear a harness and his fear of leaving the house, we're lost. Our routine is broken just as all of our hearts are. Seeing a sibling disappear without answers has to be the most painful thing in the world to endure. Joey has no idea where his brother is or when he'll come home. Losing 2 of our babies in a matter of months is unbearable for all of us. What do we do? Please help....

[Jack Russell]

Hi Ben C I am so sorry for you loss.  Reading your story is heart breaking and I feel your pain.  The love you have for your boys is why it is so painful. I have no answers for you and didn't want your post to go unanswered until KayC and AJWCat see your post.  They will have answers for you I'm sure.  Dealing with grief is different for everyone and I am sure you will have read other posts on this wonderful website.  We have all suffered the loss of our precious ones and understand your pain.  It must be heartbreaking to see Joey suffer as well looking for his brother, give him lots of cuddles and spend as much time as you can with him for now.  Thinking of you.

[Ben C]

Thank you for responding. It's evening here now, about 5:45pm. This is when our routine would hit high gear. We would walk Charlie with Joey staying at home waiting for us to return. For the past half hour he was running to the front window then back out to the back yard looking for his brother. The pain is tremendous. We finally decided to switch things up a little bit and move to another room that was not normal to the routine with the hopes that he would follow suit. Thankfully for now, he's with us and calm. It's very difficult for us, but I can only image how hard it is for Joey. Joey was always the "big" brother and would be a taddle tale if his brother was doing something wrong (getting into the trash or eating something he wasn't supposed to eat.) He was always the "good" son while Charlie was the one who always got into something. We came to love that so much about Charlie. Just a few moments ago, Joey stopped chewing a dog toy and began to whine as he looked over  at the gate where Charlie used to sit on his side of the house. This isn't going to be easy. We understand that it will be a long slow process of picking up the pieces. It's going to be a very rough ride.

[AJWCat]

First, I am so sorry for your loss. You said it: it will be a long, slow process to pick up the pieces. I lost my cat (who was like our child) over a year ago and it was terribly shocking and heartbreaking. The world was dark for weeks.

You learn to accept it but it takes time. The loss of all the rituals and routines turn your days upside down. Everything changes. Please come back and share more if it helps you, we all understand.    

[Jack Russell]

Ben C I lost by beautiful Kelly of 16 in June and I still find myself calling my Romanian rescue Kelly by mistake and it hurts.  The things we did out of a matter of course have now changed and takes a long time to adjust.  Because we loved them so much there is so much pain to go through.  I still cry for her but it isn't so raw.  The only thing is time.  Because you love Joey so much you feel his pain as well as your own. A double whammy.  You probably have done the right thing in changing routines, it can only help.  Plenty of love and attention can only be a good thing.  Of course it's going to be rough ride grief always is.  Love pays a price and that price is too high.  But life is about love so we must go through the process.  God bless you.

[Ben C]

AJWCat and Jack, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. 48 hours has passed now...and the mourning phases are starting to take hold. Denial.....It's as if this is not happening. Perhaps my little guy is just at the vet getting better...he'll be back. This has run through my mind more than a few times over the past 2 days. I'm very analytical in just about every situation in life, with this one being no different. I did this 8 months ago with Achilles, and as expected, it's happening again. The hardest part is watching Joey search high and low for his missing brother. Seeing his little ears drooping is heart wrenching. Joey has received more hugs and love than I can remember him ever receiving. When his brother was around, he didn't like being caressed as it made him look weak, at least Joey thought so by his immediate glance and growl at his brother whenever he got a kiss or hug from mom or dad. heh We've tired to do things to distract him from our routine, and it seems to have helped a little bit today. Any little help to keep Joey from falling into a depression is a good thing. Tomorrow is another day. Day 3 without our baby...we'll see how it goes. If you are one to pray, I ask you to send one our way. We can use all the prayers that we can get. If you have any suggestions on how to help us, whatever you might have done to help yourself, please share. I've read other posts and cried my eyes out because I know the exact pain they all described. Thank everyone for the prayers you may be sending and advice you have offered. 

[emma12]

Ben i am so sorry for your Charlie and your Achilles  and i can only imagine how difficult it is for Joey and you to also cope with the pain of his brother...I am also very analytical and i know how it is to analyse again and again everything...i lost my beloved cat two months ago and at the first weeks i kept thinking everything like a tape in my head....i would suggest you to keep doing different things to distract Joey's mind,but also you can do some things to change your own routine for a little bit...I personally tried to take long walks on my own or with others when they could,cause it helped me(even subconsciously) coping with the unbearable hours of sadness...I pray for you Ben,stay strong and time will make things better.

[So sad But Yet So Happy]

BenC I to am very very sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my Big Girl, Savannah almost 1 month ago. What i've personally learned is that the loss will always be there, but being able to handle it does become easier. When i go around my house, a certain scent, maybe a certain spot, vacuming the rug and still finding her dog hair when i clean the vacum out, these things bring tears to my eyes still. I've lost relatives that i feel less remorse for than my Savannah. This board has really helped me make it through my sorrowful time. All of us that have lost our family members need a place to come together. Try changing your routines a bit, or different ways to do things. You WILL make it, my friend. And you have a whole board of people to help you as well.

 

Jim

[KayC]

Ben,

I'm so sorry...I was out of town with a friend in the hospital yesterday, so am trying to catch up this morning.  I am very sorry for your loss, it's all the harder when you have multiple ones at the same time and when you have so many animals that your home gravitates around, it affects them all and is understandably very hard to help your pets through, much less deal with yourself.  You did well to keep your dog going for eight years after this condition!  I have a dog with acute chronic Colitis, I got him at a rescue when he was nearly a year old, he's almost eleven now, I have to cook for him, give him probiotics, metamucil, etc.  When I adopted him he also had Kennel Cough, they aren't supposed to adopt them out when they're sick and if they have a condition, they are supposed to let you know up front, but they didn't.  They literally locked the door behind me as I left with him!  When I complained to him about the misinformation they gave me (they said he was an adult weighing 63 lbs but he was a puppy that was 79 and went on to reach 140) they offered a refund.  As if I would let him go back to them, no way!

To lose one of these members of our family is to those of us here much like loss of a child, for all intent and purposes, they are our babies, no matter how big they get!  They have their own personalities and create their own place in our household, with interactions that shapes and changes the whole family with their presence.  I can imagine your heart is very heavy right now, it takes much time for us to adjust to the changes it means for our lives.

Your others may not realize your dog is dead, but they notice the absence...I hope this article will help:  https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2018/06/pet-loss-supporting-your-grieving-pet.html

I believe wholeheartedly that we will be with our pets again.  I like to think of it like the Rainbow Bridge, it may differ a bit but I imagine it to be something like that, from what we're told there's no more pain or sorrows...no more goodbyes...
I hope it brings you some comfort to think in terms of reuniting in this way.

 

[Dee rite]

Dear Ben,

I am truly sorry for your loss and what a difficult time not only you are having but Joey too.

You are a remarkable parent who loved Charlie and Achilles.  Your love continues for Joey but I understand not knowing how to help the grieving brother because that is what I am faced with too.

extra TLC is helping my boy right now

What a beautiful life you provide for your fur babies and so much love. I hope you find that writing helps.

know you are not alone and please continue to write to tell us how each day is going.

Hugs

Dee

[Ben C]

Today is Day #4 of being without our Charlie. As expected my wife, Joey, and I are mourning in different ways and progressing at different paces. We were given some news from the vet as to why Charlie may have passed and it wasn't what we expected to hear.  Charlie experienced cardiac arrest while on the xray table to discover if something was causing his inability to breathe normally. We took him in because he was breathing heavy and couldn't walk a few feet without being gassed. Of course, since he had been on steroids for almost 8 years, we understood that his heart may have taken a beating and simply was weak. Well it turns out a few things were discovered. In the vet exam room, out vet told us that he was on a ventilator but his heart wasn't responding to their attempts to restart it. We were crushed. We were with Charlie just a few moments prior to them taking him to get xrays. He was oxygen deprived and with the stress, his heart simply gave up. None the less, the vet showed us the xray that they were able to get. Charlie had swallowed one of my wife'e stud earrings as well as a small buckle clasp from a leather bracelet she had. A few months ago she actually caught Charlie chewing on the bracelet and took it away, but didn't notice the buckle missing. The earring was apparently swallowed around 3 weeks ago. So when we saw these items on the xray, we immediately wondered why he hadn't passed them. The vet asked us if we wanted him to recover the items to which I immediately said yes. You see Charlie had been sick since he was 2 years old. He was on the verge of death until we met this same vet who was a miracle worker and saved Charlie's life. Charlie had a pancreas that didn't function properly. At times it didn't function at all, which is where the steroid came into the picture. When he was 2 years old, an oncologist attempted to perform a biopsy on his intestines to see if he was cancerous. He couldn't as Charlies intestinal walls were hardened to the point that the Dr couldn't grab a piece of his intestinal wall. He said that Charlie's intestines were the worst he had ever seen in the many years that he has been practicing. So yes, the vet saved Charlie's life and Charlie wanted to live. Back to the recovering of these items in his stomach. As this vet is the premiere gastrointestinal vet in my area and because he has always admired Charlie for his tenacity and warrior spirit, I offered to the vet the opportunity to study Charlie's gut in order to learn how Charlie was able to survive for so long with his condition. The vet accepted. This past Saturday, two days after we lost Charlie, I recovered the contents that were found inside Charlie's stomach. Not only were the two items mentioned above given to me, but a total of ten black elastic hair bands that people use to tie back their hair. Because the steroid made Charlie a little vacuum cleaner, anything he would find, on the floor or table, would end up in his mouth. As careful as my wife was, that boy was able to find a way to get to things. Charlie never showed signs of stomach pain and never once lost his appetite, even on his last day. When I discovered these details, I was angry, disappointed, and crushed at the idea that somehow, we were contributors to our baby's demise. If I was feeling this bad, you can only imagine how my wife felt, as she is the one who uses these hair bands. Guilt is not a precise enough word to express what she feels about this. The reality is our Charlie was sick for many years and we both felt that he was on borrowed time, so when he showed signs of slowing down, we simply attributed it to age and the result of 8 years of steroid use. We had begun to accept his loss by Saturday before we found out about the contents of his stomach, but now it's something worse. How could we be so blind? He never passed anything is his stools that would lead us to believe that he had things in his stomach that weren't supposed to be there. He not once lost is appetite nor had difficulty doing his business. Had we known he had these things in there, we would have spent every dime we had to have them removed instantly, and would have had he survived the xray that day.

We can't look back at and second guess anything we did, what good could that do now? So we've tried to move forward, especially for Joey. He's finally realized that his brother is no longer here or is coming back. His little ears show his emotion and the sorrow he is feeling. It absolutely destroys us. We're trying to change things up and modifying the routine that had Charlie as the priority for so many years. We used to walk Charlie around 7pm nightly. As that has changed, we are now trying to do activities with Joey to distract him from the routine. For the first two days we we're in shock still so Joey would stand at the window waiting for his brother to return from his walk. He never did. Joey would then run to the back yard and over to the gate where we would leave and enter, and would wait for him there. He never did. For the past 2 years, my wife and I had not erected a Christmas tree. Last night we did, around 7 pm. We had ornaments, garland, etc all over the living room with Joey sniffing everything. On occasion he would stop and look out the window, but wouldn't wait too long. He was a bit distracted by what is happening inside the house. Along side of that, because of Joey's history of anxiety, a few months ago we bought him one of those wraps that swaddle the dog to help them feel secure. It's a long story, but Joey never wanted to wear it when Charlie could see him. It's an alpha male thing I'm sure. Anyhow, my wife found it and decided to wrap him with it. That seemed to calm Joey down tremendously. He stopped pacing and searching for the 30 minutes we had it on him, which in turn gave our hearts a break from the painful visual of his endless searching for Charlie. Our cat who doesn't want to be downstairs because of her own fear is now being taught to come down and join the family. I bought a 3' x 2' cage for her that sits on the stair landing of our home. She gets to sit in there (against her will) for 30 minutes every night so she can see that no harm will befall her. Joey loves it as he's never had a chance to meet her as she's been upstairs for the past 10 years and only pokes her head out every so often to take a gander and the family down below. So this has also been a change of the norm for all of us.

Today was our first day back at work. Joey decided he didn't want to eat his breakfast today, which is the first time he hadn't done so since that dreadful day. I decided to take off early for the day to be with him. When I got home, I encouraged him to eat his food, which he did. So that made me feel a lot better. Tonight is another night, 4pm is about to roll around here and the routine is set to kick in. Let's see how we do this evening. Please pray for us! We need it desperately. 

[So sad But Yet So Happy]

14 minutes ago, Ben C said:

Today is Day #4 of being without our Charlie. As expected my wife, Joey, and I are mourning in different ways and progressing at different paces. We were given some news from the vet as to why Charlie may have passed and it wasn't what we expected to hear.  Charlie experienced cardiac arrest while on the xray table to discover if something was causing his inability to breathe normally. We took him in because he was breathing heavy and couldn't walk a few feet without being gassed. Of course, since he had been on steroids for almost 8 years, we understood that his heart may have taken a beating and simply was weak. Well it turns out a few things were discovered. In the vet exam room, out vet told us that he was on a ventilator but his heart wasn't responding to their attempts to restart it. We were crushed. We were with Charlie just a few moments prior to them taking him to get xrays. He was oxygen deprived and with the stress, his heart simply gave up. None the less, the vet showed us the xray that they were able to get. Charlie had swallowed one of my wife'e stud earrings as well as a small buckle clasp from a leather bracelet she had. A few months ago she actually caught Charlie chewing on the bracelet and took it away, but didn't notice the buckle missing. The earring was apparently swallowed around 3 weeks ago. So when we saw these items on the xray, we immediately wondered why he hadn't passed them. The vet asked us if we wanted him to recover the items to which I immediately said yes. You see Charlie had been sick since he was 2 years old. He was on the verge of death until we met this same vet who was a miracle worker and saved Charlie's life. Charlie had a pancreas that didn't function properly. At times it didn't function at all, which is where the steroid came into the picture. When he was 2 years old, an oncologist attempted to perform a biopsy on his intestines to see if he was cancerous. He couldn't as Charlies intestinal walls were hardened to the point that the Dr couldn't grab a piece of his intestinal wall. He said that Charlie's intestines were the worst he had ever seen in the many years that he has been practicing. So yes, the vet saved Charlie's life and Charlie wanted to live. Back to the recovering of these items in his stomach. As this vet is the premiere gastrointestinal vet in my area and because he has always admired Charlie for his tenacity and warrior spirit, I offered to the vet the opportunity to study Charlie's gut in order to learn how Charlie was able to survive for so long with his condition. The vet accepted. This past Saturday, two days after we lost Charlie, I recovered the contents that were found inside Charlie's stomach. Not only were the two items mentioned above given to me, but a total of ten black elastic hair bands that people use to tie back their hair. Because the steroid made Charlie a little vacuum cleaner, anything he would find, on the floor or table, would end up in his mouth. As careful as my wife was, that boy was able to find a way to get to things. Charlie never showed signs of stomach pain and never once lost his appetite, even on his last day. When I discovered these details, I was angry, disappointed, and crushed at the idea that somehow, we were contributors to our baby's demise. If I was feeling this bad, you can only imagine how my wife felt, as she is the one who uses these hair bands. Guilt is not a precise enough word to express what she feels about this. The reality is our Charlie was sick for many years and we both felt that he was on borrowed time, so when he showed signs of slowing down, we simply attributed it to age and the result of 8 years of steroid use. We had begun to accept his loss by Saturday before we found out about the contents of his stomach, but now it's something worse. How could we be so blind? He never passed anything is his stools that would lead us to believe that he had things in his stomach that weren't supposed to be there. He not once lost is appetite nor had difficulty doing his business. Had we known he had these things in there, we would have spent every dime we had to have them removed instantly, and would have had he survived the xray that day.

We can't look back at and second guess anything we did, what good could that do now? So we've tried to move forward, especially for Joey. He's finally realized that his brother is no longer here or is coming back. His little ears show his emotion and the sorrow he is feeling. It absolutely destroys us. We're trying to change things up and modifying the routine that had Charlie as the priority for so many years. We used to walk Charlie around 7pm nightly. As that has changed, we are now trying to do activities with Joey to distract him from the routine. For the first two days we we're in shock still so Joey would stand at the window waiting for his brother to return from his walk. He never did. Joey would then run to the back yard and over to the gate where we would leave and enter, and would wait for him there. He never did. For the past 2 years, my wife and I had not erected a Christmas tree. Last night we did, around 7 pm. We had ornaments, garland, etc all over the living room with Joey sniffing everything. On occasion he would stop and look out the window, but wouldn't wait too long. He was a bit distracted by what is happening inside the house. Along side of that, because of Joey's history of anxiety, a few months ago we bought him one of those wraps that swaddle the dog to help them feel secure. It's a long story, but Joey never wanted to wear it when Charlie could see him. It's an alpha male thing I'm sure. Anyhow, my wife found it and decided to wrap him with it. That seemed to calm Joey down tremendously. He stopped pacing and searching for the 30 minutes we had it on him, which in turn gave our hearts a break from the painful visual of his endless searching for Charlie. Our cat who doesn't want to be downstairs because of her own fear is now being taught to come down and join the family. I bought a 3' x 2' cage for her that sits on the stair landing of our home. She gets to sit in there (against her will) for 30 minutes every night so she can see that no harm will befall her. Joey loves it as he's never had a chance to meet her as she's been upstairs for the past 10 years and only pokes her head out every so often to take a gander and the family down below. So this has also been a change of the norm for all of us.

Today was our first day back at work. Joey decided he didn't want to eat his breakfast today, which is the first time he hadn't done so since that dreadful day. I decided to take off early for the day to be with him. When I got home, I encouraged him to eat his food, which he did. So that made me feel a lot better. Tonight is another night, 4pm is about to roll around here and the routine is set to kick in. Let's see how we do this evening. Please pray for us! We need it desperately. 

BenC          Even though i understand you CANNOT blame yourself for what Charlie did ( eating different things). The vet put Savannah on steroids a few years ago for her lungs. They said she had copd. The steroids were tearing up her stomach and of course lowers her immune system so after a week we took her off them. It could be said that because i took her off them it contributed to her lungs having fluid in them were the vet said she couldnt even here her heartbeat. But she was a senior and i di what i felt best was knowing my dog. You did the same. You did what you needed to do for Charlie. Thats all you can ask for, or that matter do. Maybe steroids would have had her live a few days longer but to what extent as of quality of life. Your going through many emotions now, anger, sadness, extreme sorrow, confusion, guilt. All very natural. But you did the best you could, and Charlie knows that. It will get better for all of you, it just takes time. Time does heal all wounds. Even this one. Be strong and well, my Friend.

 

Jim

[Dee rite]

Ben,

Thanks for sharing because it does help to heal. 

Jim is right it is a mixed bag of emotions and it is all natural.

I am thinking of you and all of your family and wishing much strength.

Dee

[KayC]

Ben,

My heart goes out to you and your family, I know you are all steeped in grief, still grappling with all that has happened.  Your wife absolutely owns no guilt, but I know that does little to assuage her feelings of guilt.  Guilt is a byproduct of grief, it comes to many of us with or without deservedness.  There are so many things around everyone's household that they can swallow, it is impossible to keep them from it!  If you were to open the stomach of any dog at any given time, Lord knows what you'd find.  It doesn't always pass.  We're lucky when it settles someplace it doesn't interfere with something.  You were both obviously loving caring parents, if any of us were to choose a parent for a new puppy, guess what, you'd get chosen!  But still you feel that guilt.  Read on:

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf

http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml

[AJWCat]

I just want to add a couple things. First, Charlie as you said had a few different health issues. I know it is hard, try to look at how much longer you had him than maybe you should have. Our cat got sick because we went to a vacation home. The emergency vet claimed he looked poisoned. I still don't know what he may have gotten into, I was never able to find anything obvious but he's a cat and so who knows what he licked (which he loved to do on everything.) He was also 15 and had been on blood pressure meds for a couple years. He was not in perfect health. So, who knows what was happening.  

So, basically I know how it feels to think you were the "cause" or to have guilt over your part. I had to come to accept what happened. However responsible we were, accidents do happen. Tragic things especially with animals since they can't be reasoned with, happen. I was and am heartbroken but I have managed to pick up the pieces. You will too, just hang in there.   

[KayC]

We can be as careful as we possibly can to protect them and still something happens.  My dog has had acute chronic Colitis since he was a pup.  I cook for him, no easy feat since he eats 4 cups/day and can only tolerate half in a special dog food, the rest is my homemade mixture.  I also give him probiotics, metamucil, fish oil.  he doesn't do well with antibiotics, so prevention of outbreaks is key.

The other day I was taking him on one of our walks and all of a sudden he lunged towards some loose paint lying on the road and ATE IT!  I'm trying to drag this 110 lb. willfull dog off paint chips!  Someone's rattletrap car had snow on it, they brushed it off, and with it came their paint, which had been loose.  I mean it covered the road!  The snow melted, the car moved, and now there's paint lying all over...what would make a dog think paint smells or tastes good?  No accounting for some of the things they do.  Sure enough, it caused an outbreak, I'm back to trying to heal him.  

We do our best but in the end, we can't always control everything.

[Ben C]

Again, I want to thank everyone for the kind words and guidance. You may not realize it, but you have helped us tremendously. We will always be grateful for your compassion!

Day #5 without our baby boy. Things are beginning to settle. Emotions are calming and our hearts have begun to find peace. Joey is not as depressed as yesterday due to many things that are distracting him from business as usual. A contractor has been working at my home since Sunday, installing a back splash in my kitchen...tile, etc.  Because of this Joey hasn't had much time alone. I've been able to work from home beginning at noon. So with the contractor entering my home at 10am and my arrival at noon, Joey is only spending about 2 hours alone. My wife is at work most of the day as she is in the medical field, so she leaves early and doesn't get home until 4pm. As I mentioned before, my cat Hera has been stepping in as the entertainment for Joey. Although she doesn't come downstairs, she does sit at the top of the stairs and meow at us in the living area below. Joey goes nuts because he can't get to her. Keeps him busy for a good portion of the evening as he runs around in circles with excitement. Joey and I took the opportunity to clean out our storage shed in the backyard today, so that kept his mind off of things as well. Soon enough we'll put him in a harness and get him to take a few steps outside of the house for a change. Should he be bold enough to make the transition from a hermit to a traveler, he'll have a full recovery in no time. We got the call today that our Charlie's ashes are ready to be picked up. We've never had ashes of our pets before as Charlie is the first animal we've owned who has passed away in which we will be keeping the ashes.  I asked my wife to pick them up tomorrow since she'll be off of work for the day. That's going to be tough for her as Charlie was her baby. We've never had children, so these animals are our children. When we lost Achilles back in April of this year, she declined to have his ashes and regrets it deeply. When the vet asked us if we wanted them this time, I answered yes before she could even consider the options. I began to look at photos and videos of our Charlie last night before bed. I have to admit, I'm still a bit numb from the whole thing. I know he's gone, but something continues to tell me that he'll be back. My wife is not as far along as I am in the process, but she is holding it together to help Joey get through. I think I can honestly say that Joey is absolutely loving all of the attention that he is getting. The pacing from the front window to the back yard has decreased significantly. This is good for Joey and us. We have a 3' x 2' canvas of Charlie on our wall from when he was a young healthy boy. Looking at him at his peak in life reminds me of the true strength that he once had. I miss my boy....here comes the tears. 

[KayC]

This is such a...process.  Could your wife have a friend come with her when she picks up the ashes?  Hard to do alone, I'd imagine.  I had my sister drive me when I got my husband's ashes.  If I was going through this again with Arlie, I'd definitely have someone else drive me, but here it'd be 120 mile round trip.

I'm glad Joey is getting so much attention, that'll be helpful to him.  How special you have that painting of Charlie!  I have one of Arlie that a friend commissioned done.  I also have a charcoal drawing of my Lucky (previous dog).  Praying it gets a little better each day...

[Ben C]

KayC...Thanks for continuing on this walk with me, it truly means a lot to me and really helps. 

My wife didn't want to go to pick up Charlie without me. As you stated, it is hard for her to do alone. I will be going to get him tomorrow when I get out of work. We decided not to go this evening as it would have been in the middle of the old walk routine with Charlie, where Joey stays home alone and waits for us and his brother to return. It was better that we stayed with him instead. Today was a bit easier to talk about with friends. I was able to get through a conversation about it without choking or tearing up. Actually, there was slight tearing, but nothing like a few days ago. I think what is making it easier for me as I walk down this road is watching Joey overcome his grief just as well. My wife, that's going to take some time as I mentioned before that Charlie was her baby. When you are a caretaker for a sick pet, that co-dependency grows pretty strong over the course of 8 years, so her mourning period will clearly last a bit longer than mine. I think the positive attitude I'm projecting is helping all of us, at least it seems to be. Our biggest Hero is Hera, our hermit cat who lives upstairs. She is finally getting brave enough to come down to just about the stair landing to make very good eye contact with Joey, who absolutely love it. His excitement in seeing his long lost sister is really helping him move forward. It's been 1 week already....7 days since we lost our baby Charlie, but it feels like it was only yesterday. Charlie had developed really bad breath over the course of years on his steroid...what I would give to have that little guy lick me with his smelly breath right now. I miss my buddy so much. Who says dogs are just animals? They've clearly never learned to love a guy like Charlie boy.

 

Attached is a picture of the canvas of our Charlie. 

[KayC]

I feel that way about them too.  When people come to visit me with their dog, it is their dog I make over!  But then I always have loved dogs.  I was my mom's fourth child, they'd never had a dog until me but I begged until she let me have one at age five.  I played with him and loved on him until his death, he was 15.

I'm glad you'll be with your wife to get the ashes, much better together than facing alone.  You'll be in my thoughts as you go.