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Death of my dog


Kristinemarie

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Kristinemarie

Hello Everyone,

It has been about three weeks since I put my dog down. I thought things would get easier and I would feel better since I wouldnt have to worry about him.  He had cancer and would cough and had a bloody nose. He was my life and I did not realize how this inpact my life so much.  I cry almost every day. I have a hard time concentrating and feel my anxiety has increased.  My work has been my anxiety.  I did not realize how my dog helped me with my anxiety.  I need my dog so bad now.  I am feeling so unhappy most of the time.  I just wanna enjoy this holiday season. I guess it will be hard because of all the firsts I am missing without my pal.  I still cannot believe he is gone. I think I see him ot hear him.  I have a cat who misses his pal.  So now I am worrying about him. I cannot go though this again.  My cat is 14. 

I needed to get this out.  Thanks for reading. 

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I am so sorry, I know the pain all too well, I'm 66 now and have had 14 cats and 9 dogs, usually 2-3 animals at a time.  Right now I have 1 dog and 1 cat, she is 23, my dog nearly 11.  I hope your cat lives a long time.  Perhaps you can get another dog when you feel it's the right time, especially since it helps you with anxiety...I also suffer that and cannot imagine life without a dog in it.  I know another would never replace the one you lost, I never expect that, they create their own spot in your heart and life, each one bringing their own unique qualities that we appreciate.  The one I have now I consider my soul mate in a dog, he's perfect for me.  Even his headstrongness I relate to, I can be that way!  I love him with all my heart and when he goes, it's going to be for me as it is for you right now, very very hard.  

I lost my husband to sudden death over 13 years ago.  That is the hardest thing I've ever gone through, we met in our mid-forties and I thought we'd grow old together, I never dreamed he'd die so young, he'd just had his 51st birthday.  He was everything to me!  I've had to learn to live without him.  I can't tell you how unbearable the pain felt in the beginning.  I did learn there's only one way through grief and that is straight through it, pain and all...if there was a way to circumvent it, I would have found it, but there isn't.  Distractions don't work as it's still waiting for you when you come to.  Drink is a depressant so many have found that does not work either...depressants are NOT what we need!  I've learned to take a day at a time, an hour or even a minute if need be!  I've learned not to look at the whole rest of my life, but stay in today, living in the present.  To do otherwise is not only to bite off more than we can handle, but if we are in the past or future we miss the present good that exists, and it does, we have to look for it to be aware of it though.  I begin practicing looking for joy on day 11.  That does not mean there aren't days filled with pain, there are, but we try to embrace whatever good there is, no matter how small or fleeting, nothing is too insignificant to count.  When I lose my Arlie (dog), I will have to get through it much the same way I did the loss of my husband.  I know I'll never have or even meet another dog like him, there is no dog like him, with his personality, so smart, so funny!  Today I enjoy him, someday in the future I will mourn him, but always I will love and appreciate him.

I'm sorry it hurts so bad.  The pain is excruciating, I know.  Little by little your body will begin to adjust to the changes it means to your life.  In time you will stop expecting to hear him come in, and you will feel sad at even that change although it's to be welcomed because right now trying to get used to those habits/patterns you miss with him it's like hitting you afresh every day that he's gone.  I lost my Miss Mocha 6/03/2016 and I can't count the times I looked at the patio door expecting to see her waiting to come in, but each time I saw the empty patio door it hit me afresh...she's gone.  Sitting in the evening on the couch with Arlie and Kitty, I miss looking up to see Miss Mocha sleeping on the dog's recliner.  I feel the twinge of pain/sadness.  But I will see her again!  I firmly believe we'll be with them again, in a life with no sorrow or sadness, no more goodbyes.  Right now she's at peace, perhaps she's playing like when she was young while she glances up waiting for me to join her.

 

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Hi Kristinemarie,

I am truly sorry for your loss and for all the pain you are going through.

You are not alone and feel heard and loved.  

Everyday will be different.  Not always better nor bad just different.

The anguish I hope eases for you but you are right the firsts will be difficult.

please keep writing if you find it therapeutic.  This site has been my saviour since my Macey’s passing last week.  I come here daily and I find comfort in others who understand and feel as I do.

take care and a great big hug

Dee

 

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Hi @Kristinemarie, first I am so sorry for your loss of your sweet dog. What is his name? 

I felt very anxious after losing my cat suddenly.  Like, scared almost. It's very unsettling because you just realize how fragile life is and how quickly it goes. It's very tough. I am sure you love on your cat a lot too, just enjoy her. It's out of our control so we really do have to take everything day by day.

Time heals. I wish I could say something that can really help you, it's just a process. And you are at the beginning. If it helps, come here and read stories so you know, you are not alone! And write if it helps. I sure did. I had to get out all my angst and sadness. The world seemed so dark and I couldn't imagine it ever getting good again. It just took a long time to accept losing my cat and learning to go on without him.  

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