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My beautiful girl, Noodles..


MyNuni

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On November 21st, 3 days ago I lost my sweet beautiful flat faced persian, Noodles. She was 7 years old and we lost her to Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy.

 

Noodles was essentially my mothers and I's cat for her first 3 years. I also own 2 other cats. Nova and Lulu. My mother fell into a depression and moved out of the country back home. My brother and I felt she couldn't look after herself let alone a cat so my family of 2 turned into 3. I was happy to take Noodles home and gave her the love and care that my mother couldn't provide her. 

Noodles showed no signs of illness except on 3 or 4 occasions over her 7 years of life. One morning she walked into the living room, dropped to the floor and began to howl loudly. It was a scary moment but that passed quickly and she got up and continued as normal. I picked her up, checked her and asked her what was wrong. She seemed okay but I took her to the vet anyway who couldn't tell me what was wrong or what that episode was and she appeared perfectly healthy. There was no other symptoms for another 2 years after this. 

Episode 2 happened again as she was just getting on with her day. Dropped to the floor, howled loudly, seemingly in pain, front legs outstretched and stiff as a board. I sat down next to her on the floor and comforted her then picked her up and comforted her some more until this episode passed. Back to the vet again who said she was suffering from eplipsy but didn't need medication as her episodes were far apart and would only need medication if she was having these attacks more than once a month. 

 

Episode 3 happened in October 2018. This was the one that got her correctly diagnosed. I took my Noodles to the groomers for her haircut. When I got her home and out of her cage she ran under my bed and began screaming in agony, howling and I could see she was stiff again with front and back legs stretched out. My boyfriend pulled her out from under the bed and her lips and gums were blue. She was open mouth breathing and frothing at the mouth and choking. We rushed her to the emergency vet hospital. The whole drive there I could see she was struggling for breath. We made it and Noodles was taken immediatly. 

She was stabilised and put into an oxygen tent. The vet confirmed fluid build up in her lungs and that she was in congestive heart failure. She also told me she may not make it through the night but thankfully my girl pulled through. The next morning a cardiac scan of her little heart confirmed severe heart disease and it was at its final stages. 

 

How could I miss this? How did the other vet miss it? According to the vet who diagnosed Noodles, HCM can go undiagnosed for years until it's too late or until the disease is severe. Only then will cats manifest extreme symptoms. I also found out that HCM is exacerbated by stress so i felt guilty as hell for taking her to the groomers. It was that, that set off her heart failure but the vet explained it would've happened anyway.. maybe not that night but the fluid was building up either way. 

 

She stayed for 7 days, 2 of those in ICU and off home we went with diuretics to help stop fluids building up and a medicine to stop clots from forming. The vet said she could have a few weeks to a few months or years, every cat is different but since the disease was advanced not to hope for too long. She was so well at home! She was her old self! Eating, playing with her mouse, playing with her sisters, playing hide and seek with me, drinking her water and being her usual self. I was watching her carefully and genuinely thought she had a few more years with us. I was wrong.

Upon her being discharged, the vet requested me to bring Noodles back for her follow up 7 days later so that appointment was set. Off we went 7 days later and Noodles was doing well. The vet wanted to check how the diuretics were working so did an XRAY on my girl's lungs. Unfortuantly the fluid was building up again so she said she would have to tap her lungs again and drain the fluid to make Noodles more comfortable. I wish i never agreed to this. 

She said she would call me when she was done so i went home. I got a call an hour later saying Noodles was fine and ready to be picked up. As i was ready to head out i got another call and the vet said Noodles had " decompensated" again and may not survive. By decompensation they meant another episode of heart failure. I was a mess. One moment she was ready to go home and the next she was worse off. I rushed back to the vet hospital with my boyfriend. Again, they managed to stabalise her but she was never the same. 

3 days later she was discharged with an extra dose of diuretic and another pill for heart arrhythmia which was something new since her last heart failure. From the moment I picked her up i could see my girl wasn't the same. 

The first 24 hours. Non stop shakes, vacant, no interest in food, no interest in her sisters, lots of crying and howling, weakness. 

I called the vet the next morning concerned over her and said she wasn't eating so off i went to pick up an appetite stimulant from the vet to help her eat. I went to the pet shop and picked up so many different foods, her favourite foods and new foods hoping she'd pick one. 11 in total. In the end my boyfriend suggested canned tuna and my girl finally had a few bites. At that moment i burst out crying on the marble floor. So very thankful she was eating again. The appetite stimulant was obviously working. Again, i was wrong.

72 hours after she was discharged my girl stopped eating again. The shakes were still there. Non stop howling, dizzy, disoriented, vacant, no interest in anything except her water. The diuretic was making her incredibly thirsty. Anyway, off to the vet we went again and it was to be the last time.

With diuretics it's about finding the right dose. After another XRAY it confirmed that there was NO fluids BUT she was severely dehydrated from that extra dose of diuretic so it was suggested we drop one of them to x 2 a day instead of x 3 and add another that wasn't so tough on the kidneys and wouldn't dehydrate so much. Off my Noodles went for another over night stay with IV fluids to help rehhydrate her ( slowly) as not to cause build up of fluids.  In the middle of the night I called to check in on how she was doing and the nurse who looked after noodles before said, she ate but so very little but was still howling and obviously distressed. I could hear my girl in the background crying.. i went to bed with a gut feeling my baby wanted to rest... 

 

I got a call at 830am from the vet telling me Noodles hadn't improved, was circling all night, howling and crying and only ate 2 grams of food. She said my girl was at the end of the road and even though the fluids weren't building up any more she was concerned her heart had got so weak from the disease that it wasn't pumping enough blood to her brain and causing her to cry so much and that the kindest thing to do was to put her to sleep.

 

My boyfriend and I arrived at 230PM and stayed with Noodles until she was put to sleep. She passed in our arms. We had some time with her before she left us and she was still shaking and looked so very tired and weak. She squeaked the way she does looking at us almost saying " I'm ready to rest mum and dad" oh how i miss her little squeaks..i also brought along her favourite mouse and she had a sniff of him but no real interest..

She passed so very quickly. No struggle no loud breath at the end.. she just left..then i broke down. So did my boyfriend so did the vet who grew to love Noodles.

It's been 3 days and I miss her SO very much. I miss everything about her. Her walk, her little run, her squeaks, her wet chin from drinking her water, her adorable flat squished face.. i miss her smell. I miss all of her. All the time. Day and night.

I wish i could have done more but i don't know what else i could have done.. i know she's now finally at peace but this grief is so so painful. It comes in waves. One moment im having lunch (forcing myself to eat) the next im in tears. My heart feels as though its been torn to shreds. I have flashbacks of her final moments and I think of the times she was living with my mum a horrible boring life and wish I'd taken her sooner..i feel horrible for that. But i don't feel horrible for loving her when she was with me.. i loved her so so very much. My darling little Noodles...

One day at a time they say.

 

Sorry this is so long, i just needed to write it all down. Thank you for reading if you've made it this far. How do we go on? What do I do? I have my two other girls who I love to bits too and they're helping me so is my boyfriend who's also struggling.. but I feel so alone.. still.

 

 

 

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Oh Hon, I read this and I think you did EVERYTHING you could to help her and give her the best life you could.  Sometimes life is just plain unfair.  And I feel that's true in this situation.  My cat is 23 and never been to the vet (I adopted her when she was older and they advised against shots at that point).  Why does one make it to 23 and another only to 7?  Very unfair.  But then my husband died young and others live to their 90s, nothing fair about that either.

You gave it every best chance and in the end you did the kindest thing you could, you let her be at peace.  It's my firm belief that there's afterlife and we'll be together again, that helps get me through.

I'm so sorry for your loss, your missing her, I lost my other cat 2 1/2 years ago, I still miss her but gradually we get used to the changes it means for our lives as our everyday habits and patterns change and we grow accustomed to them.  But always I will love and miss her.

 

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I am so sorry for your loss and heartbroken for you.  I am going through the same as I lost my Buster this past Monday.  I always knew it would be hard to say goodbye to him but the ache and crying just doesn't  seem to go away.  I am struggling with missing him so much it hurts.  It helps reading everyones posst and knowing I am not alone and that there are many of us  who have loved our pets so much.  I have just found this site and am hoping by talking with you and others, it will help our pain.  I will patiently wait for the day i can see his picture and smile at the memories and not cry over sadness.

I hope your grief will lessen in time.  

Shari

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Hi Dee, @Dee rite

 

Thank you for touching base with me. It means a lot.

 

I've been " okay". Today hasn't been great and some days have been better. I got her ashes yesterday and broke down crying at the vets. They were kind enough to have her paw pressed into some clay so I've forever got her paw print with me now but i really did break down from sadness and from hapiness that i now have a little something of her to take back home. The wooden box her ashes are in is also beautiful.

 

I seem to be having moments of regret and guilt too. Second guessing my decision and all that. I know I did the right thing but today is very hard for some reason and I'm hating myself for not giving her another 24 hours to see if she picked up a little.

 

My heart is broken and I don't know if it will ever fully heal. My other cat is suffering from a horrible eye infection and is down in the dumps and hates her eye drops. It's bringing me so many memories of struggling to pill Noodles and seeing her sick is bringing everything back ten fold today. 

Maybe tomorrow will be better.

I hope you're doing okay, Dee and everythings well with you?

X

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I am sorry that you are having a difficult time but I can 100% can relate. Bi picked up Maceys ashes Tuesday and I was a mess and since bringing her home I have been teary and very depressed.

i think we second guess because we love so deeply we want more time but know that out of pure love and care we do the hardest thing and that is to bring them Pearce and relief them from suffering.  I know it is hard to think about and your mind probably keeps replaying this.  Noodles had the best mom ever and such a good home.

I really hope your other baby will be well soon.  

Wishing you strength and sending you much love.  Please keep in touch to let me know how you are doing this next little while.

Hugs

Dee

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