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The holidays overwhelm me


No mother no cry

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No mother no cry

I lost my oldest son 9 years ago the day before my birthday. He was 19 years old,

I lost my middle child, my son 4 years ago the day before my ex-husbands birthday. He was 23 years old.

I miss them every day. More so now that the holidays are coming.

For some reason, this year is hitting me really hard.

I have a daughter who needs me, that is my salvation. 

I want to stay in bed with no one talking to me, unfortunately,  I have to pay bills! 

I feel as I am holding in a giant scream, I can't even let go in my car. My fear is I won't stop screaming and there are too many people who count on me

 

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Nicole-my grief journey

YES! The holidays are overwhelming me too. You have gone through things that so many can’t even begin to imagine. I’m sending you so much love! I’m so sorry. I have so much empathy for you. I’ve watched my parents lose two of my brothers. As the only daughter, I needed my parents. But, I also understood that they had to take care of themselves first to be able to connect to me. So, scream in the car, scream into a pillow, walk up a hill to get out what you can and cry and feel whatever you need to. Rest if you need to because you deserve too. It’s completely right and understandable that you need to do so. Share with us and keep expressing those feelings. The other parents on this forum are also great at connecting and offering support. They know what you are going through as a mom. I know what you are going through from a daughter’s perspective.  Once my mom cried a lot and went through a wide range of emotions that she needed to, we began to talk and she let me in and we supported each other. The grief has never gone away, she still was sad and cried, but it became easier to talk about the losses and we started to honor my brothers in different ways. We began to find joy every once in a while and celebrated them eventually. You and your daughter will be each others saving grace I hope. My mom passed away late July and my dad can’t talk about her or my brothers. I’m devastated about it and trying to find my way without her. I’m glad that she opened up to me about our losses when she was alive because it brought us closer and we moved forward together. Again, I understood when she needed to scream, cry, be alone, be angry, be with me, look at mementos...whatever she needed. I went to therapy and still do. She went to meetings with others who had lost their children. It helped.

Love and prayers 

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No mother no cry

Thanks for your kind words of encouragement. 

It's hard for my daughter too speak of her brothers. She doesn't mention them at all.

They were her older hero's. I still haven't gotten over through the wall she has around her heart.

She's a smart, independent woman and I feel as if she needs to put them in a part of her heart not to be discussed or she wouldn't be able to handle the pain.

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Nicole-my grief journey

It took me several years to open up after my first brothers passing. I wish this for your daughter. Breakthroughs, healing, whatever she needs and everything that you need too. God bless.

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I lost my oldest son 9 years ago the day before my birthday. He was 19 years old,
I lost my middle child, my son 4 years ago the day before my ex-husbands birthday. He was 23 years old.
I miss them every day. More so now that the holidays are coming.
For some reason, this year is hitting me really hard.
I have a daughter who needs me, that is my salvation. 
I want to stay in bed with no one talking to me, unfortunately,  I have to pay bills! 
I feel as I am holding in a giant scream, I can't even let go in my car. My fear is I won't stop screaming and there are too many people who count on me
 

I’m so sorry I don’t know how you do it but like you said your daughter is your salvation [emoji1431]


Sent from my iPhone using Grieving.com
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My granddaughter has always called me a mom and she 7 she’s knows her mommy is in heaven but she won’t speak about her or say Ashley’s name n doesn’t want any one to, I break down in front of her now it’s jus controllable tears n feelings I used to go hide so she wouldn’t see but I jus can’t anymore .She stays under me when she’s not in school and I think her dad feels mad but when he’s gone with his new girlfriend and doesn’t see her for days that’s ok!


Sent from my iPhone using Grieving.com

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